moving forward, Uncategorized

Angels, Blessings, and Clarity

Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve posted.  I wish I could say that life has just been busy and that my days have been filled with work, running and everything in between.  But that would be a lie.  I haven’t been running since last weekend.  And I am in week 5 of marathon training!  What?  But just wait.

Monday morning I woke up like I do every Monday morning, and I went through my daily routine.  Something felt off, but I shook it off and hit the road.  My left contact was being snarky and I kept blinking and trying to get it to just chill out.  Finally I just sighed, pulled over and took it out.  It was blurred and irritating my eye and I wasn’t going to let it ruin my day.  I drove on, listening to K-Love Christian music radio and found myself being compelled to pray for my family’s safety.  I had no idea why, but when the pull comes from the big man upstairs, I follow His direction.  Little did I know what would happen later that very same day…

The phone call came just 5 minutes after arriving home with S.  We had our sandwich stuff spread out on the kitchen counter like a factory line knowing our time is short on Monday’s due to ballet practice being just an hour after we arrive home.  My phone rang, and J’s name came across the screen.  It was 5 minutes to 5 P.M. which is when she was due home.  My heart jumped when a strangers voice came through the ear piece telling me that J was in an accident and that I needed to come quick.  I grabbed S, and we flew out the door to the intersection where the accident took place.

We arrived at the scene just 5 minutes later, and as I sprinted hand in hand with S, I saw my baby laid out on a stretcher with a neck brace and I fell to my knees.  The police men steadied me as I knelt next to her, trying my hardest to be calm yet finding myself shaking uncontrollably.  She would be transported to the local hospital and as I started to run to my Jeep, Sgt. G. stopped me.  “Ma’am, you are in no condition to drive.  Let me take you and your youngest to the hospital.”  I smiled through my tears, and thanked him profusely.  This man was the first of many Angels I’d meet in the next couple of days.

As we flew down Randall Road, with the ambulance in sight just behind us I wrapped my arms around my youngest and prayed.  “Please God, keep J safe, let her be ok, heal her please,” among many other rambled prayers kept repeating in my head.  Please…I…I can’t lose this child who taught me to love life again.  I can’t be without my first born…I can’t.  As much as I complain about the struggles of being a Mom to a 15 year old girl, I would take it all back just for her to be OK.  Please.  PLEASE?!?

We arrived at the ER shortly, and as the officer handed me her back pack that had been cut off her so they could triage her I found myself without words.  He went to shake my hand and wish me well, but I hugged him instead thanking him for all that he did for us.  He seemed almost surprised, but promised me everything would be ok.

We had two more Angels greet us at the hospital.  Nurse Melissa, and Nurse Leah.  They tended to J’s every need, going out of their way to make sure she was comfortable for her entire stay, and during her CAT scan.  And when the news was delivered to us that she had skull fractures and bleeding in her brain and that we’d need to be transferred to a higher level trauma center, they made sure that I was ok.  I told my husband to take our youngest home to stay with friends, and he would meet us later at the new hospital.  And these two Angels helped hold me up when I just wanted to curl up and cry.  I will be forever grateful.

The next 48 hours were a bit of a blur.  We got checked in to the new ER, had more CAT scans which showed no improvement so we were moved to the Pediatric ICU. We were met by more amazing nurses and medical staff that treated us as of we were the only patients in the hospital.  I can’t say enough about the wonderful care we received.  Tuesday we had a repeat scan that showed the swelling had gone down and the bleeding had stopped.  We would continue to monitor for the morning, and were eventually moved to a regular room.  In comes my next Angel.

It had been 2 days since I’d showered, slept, or felt even half human.  I couldn’t cry anymore, and although my J was improving the fear that the tables could turn at any moment was (is) very real.  My sister texted me several times asking what she could do, or if I needed anything.  Then at around 10:30 she said forget it, she was on her way and not to argue.  She walked in the door, hugged us all and sat with us for a couple hours.  Seeing how tired I was she offered to drive me home so I could grab a quick nap and shower.  Mind you, she drove an hour FURTHER away from her house to get me home, well, because she’s just that awesome.  ❤

Tuesday night one of my co-workers came to visit for a bit, and it just reminded me of the amazing people I have in my life.  Countless texts, prayers, phone calls and reminders that J was being lifted up by EVERYONE were pouring in faster than I could keep up with.  She just HAD to be ok.  The doctors and nurses came in several times to check on her, and by Wednesday morning it appeared our prayers had been answered.  They hoped she would be ready to go home that afternoon.  She just needed to be able to eat, walk around a bit, and use the restroom. And that she did…she even got a little snarky which was a GREAT sign!!

So here we are, home from one of the toughest few weeks of my life, and I am humbled and grateful.  I haven’t gone more than a couple hours without crying both in tears of fear, and tears of gratitude for God’s graces.  I’ve counted, and recounted my blessings, and I have thanked everyone involved this week as many times as possible.

Looking back at the start of my week, I am moved by the fact that my vision was physically blurred and that I felt compelled to pray. And as I helped my 15 year old bathe tonight (for the first time in MANY years) I was moved to tears as she said quietly, “Thank you, Mommy,” after I helped her dress.  “Will you brush and dry my hair,” she asked?  I asked if drying her hair would bother her to which she said she’d let me know.  And it didn’t thankfully…So I gently brushed her hair, dried it on the lowest setting, and ran my fingers through her hair.  I turned the dryer off while her hair was still damp to which she said, “A little longer, please?”  I smiled through my tears, thanked God yet again for his healing and protection to my amazing little girl, for my amazing family and friends, and for the Angels that abounded through this tragic event.

Our road isn’t cleared yet, as we have follow up with Neurology, Ophthalmology, and Pediatrics to make sure she’s healing and progressing.  But at this moment, my vision has never been more clear. My baby is going to be OK.  God truly does work miracles!!!!

My J.  <3
My J. ❤

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!

Keep Movin’ forward, y’all!

❤ Michelle

moving forward, Recipes, running, Sunday Supper

Springing forward-Weekend wrap up

As most of you know, my mantra is ‘keep movin’ forward.’  I may not always succeed in this mantra, but I start each day anew with the same goal.  To live each day to the fullest, and to live each day with positive energy.

But daylight savings time truly kicks my butt.  There.  I said it.  I honestly can’t lose ANY MORE SLEEP.  So this is a weekend I dread.  Profusely. Profoundly.  And all the other Pro words that I am probably misusing missing.

So what do you do when you dread something?  You distract yourself, of course.  I spent the weekend shopping, eating, spending time with my daughters, and today I got my hair done!!! WOOP WOOP! I also scored some new shoes for work, as well as a few shirts to welcome spring.

Where else can you get two awesome pairs of shoes for less than 50 bucks!  Thanks, TJ Maxx!
Where else can you get two awesome pairs of shoes for less than 50 bucks! Thanks, TJ Maxx!

My 8 year old got her ears pierced Friday….and is still smiling.  I swear my face hurts from smiling because SHE is smiling so much.  Yeah, life is good.

She's still smiling.  LOL
She’s still smiling. LOL

Other than a gazillion pushups and hours of shopping, I didn’t work out Saturday…but that’s ok, I can’t feel my arms.  I made the mistake of posting this to my fb fan page.  LOL!!!

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My updated hair do!  Feelin’ like a million bucks I must admit!!

3-7selfie

Today was my sucktastic long run on the Dreadmill.  I woke up late due to daylight savings (no surprise there), and all of the groups I knew that were running were probably sipping coffee as I poured myself out of bed at 8:30 am.

So this is all I had.  And it was painful, let me tell you.

Miles are miles!
Miles are miles!

Last week I had 2 strength work outs, and 4 runs totaling 14 miles which ended the week 3 of marathon training strong. 

I finished up the day with our traditional Sunday Supper.  The hubby returned home tonight, tired, coming down with a cold and plain worn out.  I hoped this would help recharge his batteries.

Baked Cod, twice baked spaghetti squash and Brussels sprouts with bacon wrapped dates stuffed with goat cheese.  YUM!!  I’ll post the recipe soon!

Bacon makes everything better!!!
Bacon makes everything better!!!
Sunday Supper!
Sunday Supper!

 

How was your weekend?  Did you get any miles logged?  What’s your favorite “re-charge” food?

Have a great week, y’all!

 

❤ Michelle

moving forward

Motivation in many ways…

I didn’t sleep very well last night.  The never ending thoughts of, “Can I do it all” haunted me as I rushed around packing lunches, drying snow pants, and signing the infamous “daily folder” to avoid the nasty note from the teacher.  Oh, and did I wash S’s ballet uniform for Monday night?  Crap…her tights need to air dry.  Lemme throw that last minute load of clothes in at 10 p.m.  LOL

But we had a mostly successful Monday morning with only minor drama as I dropped off S at the neighbor’s house before taking J to school.  This  calls for a win in my book.  I also woke up to a loss of 1.4 lbs.  Double WIN for a Monday!

2-9WIN

But as I drove to work this morning sipping my yummy protein shake, (insert sarcasm here-pass me the bacon and eggs please and thanks) I thought about several things.  What motivates me, what inspires me, and what keeps ME movin’ forward.

The last few years have been pretty huge for me.  Between Marathons, my MasterChef tryout, and moving on to a new job this past year-I finally feel like I am finding my groove.  But that underlying voice saying “GO chase your dreams” is still very real.

repeat, sorry, but a darn proud moment! (MasterChef try out)
repeat, sorry, but a darn proud moment! (MasterChef try out)

See, I’ve always been an oddball.  A stand out…a person who never really fit in with any crowd.  I’ve always felt…well…different.  And that’s ok…truly.  I like who I am…who I’ve become.  But I’ve always felt I had a bigger purpose in life…

alone

So while driving home tonight, I decided to think, pray, and reflect on what motivates me to keep movin’ forward.  Here is the list I came up with, in no particular order:

1. To be a better Mom.  I’ve failed sucktastically at this more times than I can count.  But may my girls never have to feel an ounce of the sadness I did growing up. (To no fault of anyone-just life circumstances).

2. To be a better Wife.  See…there’s this dude, that I call B around here, whom I love dearly.  He’s made me a better ME.  I can only hope to do the same for him.

and lastly…

3. To be a better ME.  I have done more, pushed myself further, and tried harder to live life to the fullest in the last 3 years than I did in the last 42 years combined.  And isn’t this the example I want to give to my girls?

You’re darn right it is.

Truth!  Pic from Pinterest
Truth! Pic from Pinterest

I drove home tonight nearly in silence as I thought about ALL of this.  And I realized, no matter what, my voice matters and I need…to KEEP MOVIN’ FORWARD.

And in perfect time for this post, my J came downstairs to say goodnight, in tears.  Someone told her today she looked ugly, and immediately my Mama bear came out in full force.  I took a deep breath, reminded her of the importance of kindness and hugged her tightly.  Being a parent is so tough, yet rewarding…And THIS fuels my fire.  daily.

What motivates you?  Tell me!

❤ Michelle

 

 

depression, moving forward

Fear and frustration = FUEL for marathon motivation

In 2013 I ran my second FULL marathon. I swore I’d never run a second full, but got the bug after the first training run.  I PR’d by nearly an hour (58 minutes to be exact, I SHOULD know the seconds, but don’t, lol) and I SWORE I’d never run another full marathon.  I ran a couple half marathon races in 2014, to include my husband’s first half…did you read about it?  You can read about it HERE!

I love this guy...
I love this guy…

So today while on my break I decided to catch up on blog posts.  My friend Kim asked when training for the Grandma’s Marathon started, and after scratching my head and thumbing through my calendar I realized official training starts in TWO weeks.  WHA????  Here. WE. GOOOO!  In two weeks I need to be back up to a steady 6 mile run. Easy peasy, right?  I’m a marathoner for goodness sake…Ack…I haven’t ran more than 13.1 miles in 4 months…but I’m ready.  And a little scared, too…<3

Yup...
Yup…

Have you heard of this race?  If not, read here!  For those that don’t know, this is my hometown race, where I grew up watching marathoners crossing the finish line, thus my  dream of being a marathoner began.

grandmas

And a marathoner I am…to me, this is one of the hugest mental and physical accomplishments of my life.  I have loved, I have lost, and I have ran 26.2 freakin’ miles.  yeah…quote THAT.  🙂

But the last 2 days I fought with some mental demons, past hurts, and irrevocable YUCK that just can’t be forgiven forgotten.  I ALMOST let it get to me….but NOPE.  Sorry y’all, I’ve got a marathon to train for…#movinforward

So I thank you all for your positive feedback in regards to my last post.  I know we all struggle, we are all human, and we all have those negative forces that try to creep in…BUT…I also know, only some of us decide to move forward…and not let that crap in.  (Yes, I was literally shaking my head today)!!!!

LOL
LOL

At the end of the day, I managed to finish my plank challenge (Day 2) and added an additional 10 seconds, as well as did the push up challenge I am participating in this month.  Tomorrow is mill day, and I hope to get in at least 3 miles.  I’ll be taking all of my fear and frustration and ‘running it out’ tomorrow…who’s with me? Let’s leave the crap behind us, right?

#this
#this

What are your plans for the week?  Do you have any upcoming races?

moving forward

Sometimes you just have to start over…Snow, Sluggish miles, and Super Bowl fun

My year started out a little rocky between injury and stress levels running at an all time high.  For the first few weeks of the year I couldn’t run OR cook.  yeah…#killmenow basically was in affect.

But today, as we start the second month of the year I woke up happy, nearly rested, and ready to run.  We were hit by a terrible snow storm over night, and I am honestly just a wimp as I’ve aged with running outside in bitter temps/wind/crazy conditions.  It was snowing…SIDEWAYS.  yeah.  I was staying INSIDE.

But as I stepped on the scale before I changed in to my running clothes my heart sank a little, and I knew it was time to start over.  Despite giving up some bad habits in the past, I’ve taken on some even worse habits of snacking at 9 pm at night which have cause my weight to go up higher than I’ve seen since the birth of my last child.  I have honestly weighed the same give or take a few lbs. for the better part of my adult life….so fighting with the scale is a new battle for me.  But…

No more.  Time to start over.

This morning I started my day with a run. Loud capris and shoes in tow…Yup…that’s how I roll.

Longest run to date this year!
Longest run to date this year!

My kids played in the snow, while I made my Detox soup for the week!

detox soup, ready for my lunches this week!
detox soup, ready for my lunches this week!
Look at those smiles!
Look at those smiles!

I researched and found a new plank challenge for beginners that I will post daily on my FB page.  Have you liked my page yet? Please look over to the right margin of my page and give me a little love!

Check it out!
Check it out!

And then, I roasted an amazing pork roast as my hubby prepared to stream the Super bowl via the internet.  YAY!

I served this with a salad of fresh greens and baked sweet potato fries.  YUM.
I served this with a salad of fresh greens and baked sweet potato fries. YUM.
Not the ideal way to watch the game, but hey!  It worked!
Not the ideal way to watch the game, but hey! It worked!

We are ending the night with the hubs plowing and shoveling, AGAIN…note the look of disdain on his face…LOL

Closing in on almost 8 inches I think?
Closing in on almost 8 inches I think?

So with all that…today I am starting over (again).  I realized that the most important thing in life that we can give, is love…I’ve fought the emotional battles of “not being enough” and it just isn’t worth it.  People will make an effort to be a part of your life-if they truly want to…and sometimes, you realize that your efforts are falling on deaf ears and you need to step back and focus on YOU.  Starting over, daily, because isn’t that what life is all about? #Movin’forward

And sometimes….most times…and always.  You need to be your own hero.

How do you overcome the negative forces in your life? Are you an all weather runner?

moving forward

Movin’ forward, Two things this Tuesday

I have had a bit of a rough week physically.  I’m not sure if it is the weather, crazy storm fronts or lack of good sleep but I’ve just felt a bit off. My sinus cavities aren’t happy with all the weather changes, and my stomach has that “Are you two months pregnant?” look to it that means it MUST be that dreaded time of the month or I have been eating too much crap aka salt. Crap…it’s only Tuesday!

As I drove to work today on my 0.1 nano-seconds of sleep I decided to reflect on how my year has started. (In reference to the nano-second please, PLEASE tell me you know who Mork and Mindy are…).  I use my commute to think, reflect, and devise my daily plan for forward movement.  That is my mantra….right?

 

1-27nano

Firstly, I started off my year by NOT running due to my accidental idiot mistake to lop off part of my thumb.  I almost let this incident get to me, but remembered last year’s winter and decided it best to keep movin’ forward.  So last week I started running again and yeah…a month off can hurt a person’s mojo.  I can’t get my breathing straight, I hate the dreadmill, and it truly is hard to get motivated enough to get movin’ after a long day of work.  But I’ve kept at it despite not feeling 100%…and although my mileage/speed is crap, I am at least MOVIN’…right?

After work, while dinner was cooking-THIS happened...lol
After work, while dinner was cooking-THIS happened…lol

Secondly, sometimes winter gets to my emotional well being.  Ok…I hate winter, more eloquently said, winter hurts…ROFL. That being said, I started to let the negative forces creep back in to my life…until I promptly kicked them to the curb.  Be gone!  People, stuff, events, you name it…I refuse to get sucked back in to it all.  So sorry if I am a bit absent from the negativity…#noroomforthatcrap #sorrynotsorry

Pic from writerscafe.com
Pic from writerscafe.com

Yet tonight I had SEVERAL text messages from friends both near and far that wanted to check in on me/say hi/chat.  Score. My heart was re-filled and I knew I was on the right path yet again.

photo credit, Pinterest
photo credit, Pinterest

And now, as my hubs heads off to his late night soccer game I bid you all good night, and sweet dreams.

Questions…how do you keep yourself movin’ forward during tough times, winter months etc?

❤ Michelle

 

goals, Holidays, moving forward

Post injury blues

Today as I laid on the couch watching football, and soaking my thumb in warm water to get the blood clotting bandage to dissolve, I found myself feeling…sad.

Meet my nurse maid and moocher, Sammy LOL
Meet my nurse maid and moocher, Sammy LOL

It’s Sunday…as most of you know, we have a Sunday supper tradition we started earlier in the year where I prepare a “fancier” dish to celebrate my awesome family each week and all that we accomplished in the past week.

But I still can’t cook.

And I can’t run.

Two of my favorite things to do to release stress…Someone I thought was a running friend said, “You don’t need your thumb to run.”  And I had to re-read that comment several times while choking back the tears.  If they knew the severity of my cut I hope they’d never say such a mean thing…I mean, really?  What happens when you run?  YOUR BLOOD STARTS PUMPING!  Right?  I have a freakin’ open wound on my thumb that could burst at any time.  Sorry…I DO need my thumb healthy in order to run.  So to this person, I say…thanks Capt. D-Bag.

12-28jerk

 

Our supper included take out from one of our favorite local Thai places.  This made me feel slightly better.  Spicy seafood over noodles.  Yes please…

Courtesy of Thai Town!
Courtesy of Thai Town!

And now, with my bandage changed, and still slightly handicapped I am found a bit lost in my thoughts.  Thankful for the amazing support from my family and friends, slight put off by people who didn’t bother to even ask how I am, and ultimately blessed at the end of the day.

Wound, post injury post 3 days
Wound, post injury post 3 days

This injury may set me back…but it won’t stop me.  And I will forever remember those who helped me during my dark times, vs. those who celebrate my sorrows.

Here’s to a new week.  I plan on walking this week despite working the next 5 days.  I have some steam to burn off.  What are your plans this week?

*Pardon any typos…I am fat fingering while typing.

❤ Michelle

 

moving forward

Christmas injuries

So our Christmas morning started out like most. Presents, laughter and breakfast all while snuggled in our Jammies. I loved seeing my kids faces so happy with joy as they unwrapped the gifts that were neatly wrapped under the tree.

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My hubby got me a Mandolin, the fancy Chefs version and I was giddy. I just had to give it a try with a freshly washed potato. It kept slipping off the safety guard so I thought, meh, I can do this.
And yeah. I’m an idiot.

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I took a huge slice off of my thumb and a swift trip to the ER was in order.
Lots of tears of disappointment were shed and yeah…looks like I won’t be cooking for a while. The fact I am one finger typing this is a miracle.

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My hubby saved the day as always preparing dinner and I got the best get well soon card from my daughter.

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Lessons learned over the last 24 hours include:
1. I have the best family and friends. I received countless texts and facebook messages wishing me well.
2. The people who truly care for you will be there in the darkest of times. I was so upset, and in pain, but can’t even describe how thankful I am to have such amazing people in my life.
3. Christmas Day doesn’t always go as planned. But in the chaos there is a certain peace that comes with the constants we have in our lives.
4. Taking a shower and getting ready with one hand is. Hard. Thanks to my
Hubby for helping me shave my left arm pit. Lol. Yeah. He’s that amazing.

At the end of the day despite my bruised pride I am counting my blessings.

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Despite being side lined from running for a few days I am truly looking forward to 2015 with new challenges and blessings.
How about you? How was your holidays?
💗 Michelle

moving forward

Reborn…

Nearly 42 years ago, I was born on January 17th with a weight of 2 lbs, 11 (?) ounces…My due date was in March some time (St. Patty’s day I believe?) but I decided to bless the world with my presence early.  WAY early in that day and age and upon my arrival my parents told me I was said not I wouldn’t live.  They baptized me in the hospital, as well as giving me my last rights. And then came the on going wait…

But after several weeks (it may have been months, the story sadly is not fresh in my memory) in the ICU, in an incubator, I was sent home.  I fought hard to live…to breathe…to BE.

My earliest memory is of me at around age 3, but I am told as an infant my Mother dressed me in doll clothes because preemie outfits didn’t exist back then.  My Father could place my head in his hand, and my toes wouldn’t reach the crock of his elbow.  I was TINY.

Yet my fighter instinct set in, and I was ready for a life of fighting, struggling, and movin’ forward.  Tell me I am not going to make it another day, and despite my initial want to throw in the towel I will fight back twice as hard as anyone else.

Looking back I remember so many times when I hit rock bottom (or so I thought) and I wanted to give up.  I’ve learned though…there is no ROCK BOTTOM…it’s simply a stepping stone to move forward.

I never quit.  And no matter the circumstance, I am constantly reminded by God up above that he gave me the blessing of life.  He saved me, more times than I can count and now it is up to me to save myself from the day to day life battles I encounter.  It’s up to me.  And I’m not ready to quit…in life, in training, in regards to my family and friends, in my career.  I won’t. Give. Up.

photo credit, World Prematurity Day on Facebook
photo credit, World Prematurity Day on Facebook

With World Prematurity day honored today, I am reminded of the life I’ve been given…and I won’t waste another second of this precious gift.  #keepmovinforward

 

❤ Michelle

 

dedication, moving forward

Decluttering

Having been in the military for 20 years, I have found myself with the stigmatism of being a hoarder.  Be it clothes, receipts, paperwork, junk drawers,  and old tee shirts that I just MIGHT need one day…I KEEP. ALL. THE. JUNK.  I believe this also stems from having gone from living pay check to pay check to well, still living pay check to pay check at the age of nearly 42.  What if I ‘need’ that such and such…what if I run out of ‘whatever’…I must. keep. it. ALL.  I remember back in the day, taking toilet paper from the gym locker room home because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy more…Yes…I was that girl.

But in all honestly, despite bills and debt, I have enough.  I can let ‘things’ go…finally.

But it’s hard…I am only human. That pair of earrings I wore in 2002 can be donated…really.  That race shirt I earned at a local 5k that never really fit can be given to charity.  That cute top I wore in 2006 when my husband commented how pretty I looked, yet it no longer fits can be set aside for my Goodwill donation…really.

BUT.  I will keep the dress I wore, over 10 years ago to meet my husband’s plane when he returned from Afghanistan.  Sorry hoard police…that one will stay hanging neatly in my closet, collecting well deserved dust.  It’s not going anywhere.  Some things, I just can’t let go…

I tackled my bedroom tonight.  My closet and my dresser are my enemy when it comes to hoarding…am I the only one that couples clothes with memories?  Ack, make it stop!  After nearly 2 hours I had 1 bag of trash, 1 bag to sell at consignment, and 2 bags of clothes to donate.  I felt accomplished.  I tied the bags up neatly, and walked away.  This is my preemptive strike to move forward in all aspects of my life.

11-6declutter

I got my work out in as well, although short in length, I felt I got my ‘swole’ on, LOL

11-6strength

And now, after venting about my long day to my husband, I am listening to Josh Groban, “You raise me up” and am reminded to hold those close to me, who lift me up…Constantly, consistently…and always.

Sweet dreams, gang…

Questions…do you purge?  Do you have a hard time letting things go?