depression

And then it happens…

You realize almost suddenly even though it was always there, that you haven’t been walking the walk…the mantra you preach of “keep movin’ forward” is partially a front.

And that my friends, hurts…

I realized in the last few weeks that I really hated didn’t like the person I used to be.  I’ve mentioned it in recent posts, you can read about it here, that I truly work hard at NOT being the girl I once was…I want to be the woman I have worked so hard to be…

Yet the past sometimes creeps in, and in recently I have visited the “On this day” app on Facebook and was blown away by what I read.  Posts from 5-6 years ago haunted me, and I couldn’t believe what I was reading. No wonder I drove so many people away…I was down right DEPRESSING.  Yuck.  Delete…delete…and delete some more!

So this past week I’ve dug deep to redefine my goals of the future, who I want to be, and what I need to do to get there successfully.

First up…quit looking back.  I am SURELY not headed in that direction.

Secondly, one of my yearly goals was to be more present.  That being said, my husband travels and works A LOT with his job and the military, so my kids need me to step up for them, and away from time wasters. I need to be present for THEM, because I am essentially a single parent from here on out and I need to embrace that vs. hold anger and resentment.

So today, I started fresh by celebrating National Running Day by running just over a mile with my youngest, and making me and my daughters a yummy salad since my husband is going working late.

One of my favorite pics from 2013, my youngest daughter running me in to the finish!
One of my favorite pics from 2013, my youngest daughter running me in to the finish!
Love!
Love!
Romaine lettuce, shredded broccoli, Kalamata olives, cherry tomatoes, feta cheese and shrimp!
Romaine lettuce, shredded broccoli, Kalamata olives, cherry tomatoes, feta cheese and shrimp!

Lastly, I need to quit doubting myself, and beating myself up over things I can’t control.

It’s time to move forward, y’all!!!  I’m back in the saddle!!

How do you battle past demons?  Did you run today?  What are your favorite salad toppings?

❤ Michelle

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41 thoughts on “And then it happens…

  1. Good for you for running today and pushing past what happened in the past. You are a strong woman! Keep movin’ forward. 🙂

  2. I didn’t have the time to run today 😢 went to pilates instead. I’m the same way when it comes to the past… I look at it too much when I shouldn’t be. I compare myself to my past selves, which at times can cause me anxiety. Anyways, we’ll get there and we just have to remember to stay present and look foward!

  3. Being more present. That is such a fantastic goal and one I work at every day. It’s the top of my list. As for the past, without it we can’t move forward. And grow. And become our best self. To moving forward! Xo

  4. I hate seeing old posts on the FB app – it makes me cringe. I think, UGH why would I even think to say that? But the beauty of running is that if you spend enough time out there, it changes you – for the better. You learn. You grow. You are humbled. You become grounded. So for me, I battle my demons with running, of course 🙂 Happy National Running Day!

  5. You rock Michelle! You’ve totally got this!

    I think we are all embarrassed by the people we used to be. But in a way that’s good – it’s all the more refreshing to see how far you’ve come! I cringe at some of the things I used to say and think. I used to be a lot more negative and immature and it’s so gratifying to see I’ve moved on from that.

    Happy running day! I celebrated by skipping my run today. LOL.

  6. I know how you feel! It’s so hard not to look back on your past and cringe, but you are killing it now and always write the most positive stuff. Congrats on getting your kids to run with you!

  7. Awareness is the first step. You’ve come a long way forward so celebrate that. LOVE those pics of you with your kids. You’re so right: being present is what it’s all about.

  8. I missed my run yesterday (I forgot it was NRD and ran twice on Tuesday… silly me… ), but I feel that running keeps me moving forward. Any activity, really, where I work hard enough that I have to focus on what’s going on in my body instead of negative thinking does the job. Even if the problem I’m trying to work through is bigger than my workout, at least the workout gives me a break from it. You’ve come along way – celebrate who you are today!

  9. Being more present is an important goal. In the past when I was in the Coast Guard and I was very busy I tried to spend more time possible with my children. Yes, you are a strong woman.
    Yes I have run this morning…..

  10. I also dislike the look back feature (or whatever it is called) on facebook. Sometimes it resurfaces nice memories but more often than not it reminds me of dark days and weak moments through old messages and such. I guess it could be a nice reminder of how for you have come but I’d prefer to just leave it buried. I moved on, facebook should too. Unfortunately I had a work event last night and I wasn’t able to get a run in on running day, but I did do some early morning yoga. I love that you run with your kids, what a great bonding activity. My mum and I have done a Zumba class together, it was very fun. And goat cheese, blue berries and balsamic dressing are without a doubt the best salad toppings out there, at least they are in my books! Stick to your positive mantra, Michelle! Good Luck!

  11. Go girl! You are WAY stronger than you think!! Keep keeping on, you are moving in the right direction and taking care of YOU is the first step!!

  12. If you ask me, the only reason to ever look back is to see just how far you’ve come.. And it sounds like you’ve come an awful long way.

  13. I admire you for how introspective you are and that you’re constantly challenging yourself to be better. (And FWIW, I don’t view what you’ve written as depressing.)

    I didn’t run today–taking a rest day after my short run yesterday started waking up my ITB. I enjoyed sleeping in and snuggling with my son instead.

  14. Favorite salad toppings? Diced tofu, raisins, sunflower nuts and mandarin oranges! Olives are a must (kalamatas are a little expensive here, so I mostly stick with the colorful green ones stuffed with red pimentos).

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