Movin' it with Michelle

I don’t often blog about my history of depression. I’ve shared my story in the past, but in moving forward I’ve tried to keep the details and situations I’ve dealt with where they belong…and that is in the past. I have learned, grown, and pushed myself out of some pretty dark places in my life. And I know that does not make me special in any way, nor do I feel like I am someone to be looked up to or held at a higher esteem because I didn’t give up.

Because I wanted to give up.

More times than I can count.

I’ve cried, screamed, and pounded my hands on my steering wheel while driving home because it was the only place I could do it privately.

During many a run, I had to stop and hold back the tears…

I wanted to just throw in the towel, believing at the time(s) that the world would be a better place without me in it…Yet I thankfully was reminded quite quickly I’d be missed, and that I was loved. No matter the darkness I often embodied…

I was loved. I just needed to love myself.

I needed. To love. Myself.

And it took nearly 4 decades to do just this…

Wait for it…

I love who I am becoming. It’s a daily challenge, and I am taking it full force.

Finally, I have found my true north, within my own soul. I am, my own compass.

I still hate my hair…my mid section…oh, and that darn cellulite that has dug it’s ever living claws in to my back side. Oh, and can someone pass over the Botox for my wrinkles? LOL! jk

But inside, I am finding out who I am more and more every day. I have remained tried and true to my beliefs. I don’t let others dictate how I feel ~~most days~~ daily.

Yet today, I found myself choking back the sobs in hearing the news of Robin Williams death. Not only because we’ve lost a true SMILE that visited millions of lives, but because I’ve been there…in that dark hour where there seems to be no way out. I used to actually get mad at my Mother for smiling/staring at me because I hated myself so much. Gosh I was such a shit.

But we’ve moved forward…reconciled and I am reveling in the fact that it is NEVER too late.

Yet sadly, it’s too late for Robin Williams. The social stigma and criticism of depression has so many people hiding behind clothes doors refusing to ask for help. And sadly this case is no different.

With that, I ask you to be kind. Be real. Embrace the fact that you may not understand what other people are going through, but a kind thought, word, or message can make someone’s day.

This week, my miles are dedicated to those suffering from depression. Both past and present.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Robin Williams:

“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone.”

“You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.”

“I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.”

So my challenge for you this week, is to dedicate one mile to someone that is suffering. Who’s with me?

❤ Michelle

dedication

A Trifecta of Birthdays

August 11, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

I didn’t run this weekend. Nope. Not one single mile. This past week I haven’t felt 100%, and between party planning, work, house cleaning and cooking for my daughter’s birthday party I was only able to manage one 4 miler this past week, two walks, and one strength training session. And guess what? I am totally ok with that. My stomach seems to get very angry when I am under stress, so I did what I could to keep moving.

Monday-4 mile run in terrible humidity

Tuesday-2 mile walk

Wednesday-cleaned my house and got ready for the bday party

Thursday-1.5 mile walk and stretching and painting my front porch (that counts, right?)

Friday-The birthday weekend started so no workout! I had to work late, so found myself zipping through town to pick up a gift for my friend Jitka’s surprise birthday party.

Friday night was just a blast. We all planned a surprise party for my dear friend Jitka. Seeing her face as she walked in the door of the restaurant was priceless, and the sheer joy could be felt throughout the room.

Debra, Jitka and myself cheesin' for the camera — Debra, Jitka and myself cheesin’ for the camera

Sushi with great friends...doesn't get much better! — Sushi with great friends…doesn’t get much better!

Saturday I was up early to get ready for my youngest daughter’s 8th birthday party. My parents were driving in, as well as my sister and her family and so many awesome friends and neighbors. Slight drama ensued as my toilet lid broke off the night before, so after 2 trips to Home Depot (note-universal toilet seats go by the shape of your toilet. I learned my bowl is ROUND, not oval, LOL), a trip to pick up balloons, and picking up the cake and we were ready to get this party started!!!!

This little person took the time to read each and every card. She has such a big heart.

THIS...this is what makes my world go 'round...family, friends, and fun. — THIS…this is what makes my world go ’round…family, friends, and fun.

My wonderful parents... — My wonderful parents…

Bouncy houses make everything better, and the adults even had fun bouncing!

I was blessed to have my oldest niece spend the night, and today was her 15th birthday. WHA???????????????? Where did the time go? I woke up the eldest children early despite grumbling and we enjoyed a yummy birthday breakfast.

Jordyn and Jenna <3 — Jordyn and Jenna ❤

My day ended with a much needed nap, and now as I sit here writing while listening to my laundry whirl in the dryer I find myself feeling so very blessed. Despite a rough week last week, it all came full circle and I realize I have the best friends and family EVER. Ok, I may be partial, but it’s true. I thank you ALL for being a part of my life.

❤ Michelle

Thursday

Three Things, Thursday

August 7, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

Three things, Thursday…

Sometimes we try really hard in life but just can’t seem to get one foot ahead of it all. It all being issues that relate to our careers, our hobbies, fitness, relationships…well, all things LIFE related. Right? I used to be a pretty go with the flow type of person, but I have noticed that the last couple of years I have so much LESS patience when it comes to all things fake/lying/negative/mis-treatment of me or my friends/family. What the heck am I talking about? Bear with me here…I’ve been up since 2 a.m. I will keep this sort of vague to protect feelings, but last night and today I found myself very HURT. It seems, that you are truly often damned if you do/damned if you don’t. Last night I ‘did’ and it slapped in the face like a hot dagger. And it made me very sad. So what did I do? I called my Mom…because although we only talk once every few weeks or so, talking to your Mom makes everything better, even at the age of 41.

Sometimes I feel this way... — Sometimes I feel this way…

Tonight after work, instead of going home and cooking a nice dinner I have to go to…THE DENTIST. I loath the dentist, in fact, believe I woke up at 2 a.m. due to anxiety of said appointment. My stomach hurts, I have a headache, and yeah…I get to have my teeth drilled on for almost 2 hours tonight. Looks like I will be missing my Thursday run, and having that extra glass of wine tonight. (We got back together, don’t judge-lol).

Thankfully my dentist looks NOTHING like this... — Thankfully my dentist looks NOTHING like this…

Despite my icky night and lack of sleep I still came to work with a smile. I work with a pretty crazy group, and they make smiling so much easier every day. We also ordered stuffed pretzles for lunch from a local place called “Gnarly Knots” along with soup and they were DELISH. I chose a plain salted pretzle with French onion soup. What’s not to smile about?

Questions-

Do you ever feel like you’re hitting you head against the wall in regards to certain aspects of your life?

What medical appointment, if any, do you despise?

What makes you smile?

moving forward, running

Marathons and Child birth

August 6, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

Two of the hardest and best accomplishments of my life, were definitely running a full marathon (x2), and childbirth (x2).

Here is how I think I looked during my first marathon…lol

I celebrate the later of these two accomplishments today, as we celebrate the 8th birthday of my youngest daughter.

Let me back track almost 15 years, to the birth of my first daughter. The pregnancy was difficult, I had several miscarriages, my then marriage SUCKED, and I felt completely isolated and alone living far away from my immediate family. Childbirth was difficult but my Mom drove out to be with me thankfully. Despite my love for my first born, immediately I swore…I’d NEVER. EVER. have more kids. My body wasn’t made for this, and this one little gift from God was mine, and I couldn’t want for anything more…

Fast forward almost 4 years, and I met the love of my life who not only loved me, but my daughter as well. A year later we were married, and a year after that we decided to try and have a baby. Within the first month I was pregnant, and nearly just as quickly I lost the baby. I wasn’t sure I could do this again…but we didn’t give up, and mid fall of 2005 we found out we were going to have a baby.

My pregnancy went without a hitch or hiccup. I was healthy as a horse (and nearly as big as one too) and worked up until my due date. Little Miss Sophia was almost a week late, deciding she would do things on HER time. (And that hasn’t changed a bit, lol). August 5th, 2006 my beautiful princess was born.

This post is dedicated to my daughters…may YOU never feel less then AMAZING-every-single-day. For your sense of wonder, inner beauty, passion for life and quirky personalities amaze ME every-single-day!!! Never, ever let the system squash your spirit!!! At the end of the day, it’s the effort you put forth in life that reaps the benefits. Be it in running, goals, parenting, careers, or relationships…it is ALWAYS worth it in the end.

Let there be cake...oh, and ice cream! — Let there be cake…oh, and ice cream!

dedication, food, moving forward, running

It’s been a busy week…

August 4, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

I have really tried to keep up with my blog, as I truly love this outlet for writing and sharing my story. But sometimes, life tends to get in the way of allowing us ‘free time’ for things we love.

But this week I spent the week doing things I love. My job, running, spending time with family and friends, and cooking.

Here is my week, (more so weekend) in pictures.

My work week was busy to say the least, and despite wanting to crawl in to bed Friday night and ignore life and my upcoming alarm that was set for Saturday morning at O DARK 30, I knew I needed to get my gear ready for my 9 mile run. It still amazes me that 9 miles is now LONG for me, but I embrace it all the same as I’ve taken this year off for full marathon distance.

I made my obligatory pasta, set my gear out, and hit the hay by 10 pm.

Rice pasta with sausage....yum! — Rice pasta with sausage….yum!

I wish I could say my 9 mile run was great. But it wasn’t. It sucked. It was humbling. And I thought back to last year when I was at 16 miles at this point…I couldn’t hold pace…I thought I was going to #pantsmypoop and I wanted to die…a little. But I finished. And despite major suckage, I felt strong regardless. #nowwhereismyfoamroaller

Overall 9:41 pace, NOT where I need to be... — Overall 9:41 pace, NOT where I need to be…

I came home, showered, and tried to nap before heading out to my nieces and nephew’s bday party. Sleep was not happening, so I got up showered, and was blessed to spend time with my immediate family. I love these people. More than life itself, and I found myself hugging them all a little tighter.

It truly baffles my mind that my kids, and nieces and nephews are growing up so fast. Where does the time go?

I spent the evening later, with my amazing friends who live next door, talking, laughing, and drinking wine/water while sitting by a fire.

Today was a busy day filled with school clothes shopping at Once Upon a child and Plato’s closet. I refuse to buy brand new, and simply can’t afford to do so…200 dollars later, my kids are set. Plus we had fun planning for my youngest daughter’s 8th birthday party.

At the end of the day, I realize this…my training runs may not always go as planned. I may not always have enough time or money to keep things moving forward. BUT. I always have my friends and family to keep my spirits UP.

Tonight I made stuffed zucchini that I acquired from my amazing next door neighbors. It was easy, healthy, and delish!

Prep time, layered with pork/beef, eggplant, marinara sauce and cheese

Finished product, served over quinoa with oyster mushrooms

My youngest daughter turns 8 on Tuesday…which means no more car/booster seats in my future, and another milestone knocked off my list. My kids are growing up, and I find myself growing up with them….

I have a bad temper, lack of patience, and have too much on my plate most days. But THEY have helped me be a better person, Mom, and friend.

But all of these joys that I continue to pour myself in to each day make all the bad just a little bit better. I used to tell myself that one day things would get easier. Yet I’ve realized things DON’T get easier, EVER. You just get better at dealing with it all….

And it’s never easy. But you get stronger, every single, day. If you choose to do so…

So this week will be crazy busy, and I am ok with that…because I choose…to keep movin’ forward.

How was your week?

Do you lay your running gear the night before?

Do you like to cook?

❤ Michelle

moving forward

Monday Motivation with pictures

July 29, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

I only ran ONCE last week. Yup. I can proudly admit that my life outside of running got in the way of my training, and I am totally ok with it.

Monday-rest

Tuesday-run 4 miles

Wednesday-Fox Valley Marathon planning meeting and packing for our trip

Thursday-my youngest daughters first dance recital and more packing

Friday-We hit the road running for our mini vacation to Michigan.

I packed my running clothes, but in all honesty this weekend was about family. We don’t get away very often, so when we got the chance we jumped at it like Olympic athletes. We spent our weekend at the beach, shopping, eating, walking, swimming, and site seeing. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better weekend, well…maybe if we could get that trip to Italy, LOL.

With that, I leave you with this…hang on to those who support, love, motivate, inspire, and push you to keep moving forward. I love my family despite our crazy quirks, as I know these 3 people are my cheerleaders, ALWAYS.

At the end of the day, it isn’t about our bank accounts, our pay checks, or our cars or homes. Life is truly about the relationships, moments, and memories that we make each and every day!

❤ Michelle

moving forward, running

Tuesday Truths

July 23, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

1. I have learned in my 41+ years the things that make me happy. My life goals, my passions, my ‘things’ so to speak…

They are:

Cooking

Running

Photography

*****Spending time with my family and friends (My favorite!)

Simple, right?

I’ve been studying cookbooks and websites to help diversify my cooking abilities.

I’ve been working on speed work, hills, and distance to aid in my running.

I’ve been taking pics, and working harder at editing. I am saving money for a better editing program.

And, I’ve been working harder at being a better Mom, friend, coworker, and person…sometimes a simple smile, email, text, or hug can make such a huge difference. Don’t let these moments pass you by.

2. I pushed myself tonight to run. Today was called the “hottest day” in Chicagoland this summer, but my 4 mile training run was on deck, so I of course, ran…it was hot…the humidity killed me, but my legs and my heart pushed me through the 4 miles…I thought a lot…about life, relationships, and moving forward.

How do you keep moving forward when times get tough? What is your favorite fuel for hot running temps?

❤ Michelle

running

Wordless (mostly) weekend wrap-up…

July 21, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

We welcomed Friday with open arms after a very long couple weeks at work, with minimal days off…what did we do to celebrate? Yard work…yup. Call me crazy, but it was therapeutic to FINALLY get some work done around the house.

I don't think my family was quite as excited as I was to pull this mountain of weeds... — I don’t think my family was quite as excited as I was to pull this mountain of weeds…

But after 2 hours of work, and shaky arms, we let our hair down and enjoyed a couple of my husband’s famous daiquiris. DELISH.

Let's just say, this glass of amazing goodness went down a little too smoothly, LOL! — Let’s just say, this glass of amazing goodness went down a little too smoothly, LOL!

Saturday we took the top down on the Jeep and drove around running errands. We ate a late lunch, so I decided to make a light dinner I like to call “Little bites.” We had bacon wrapped figs stuffed with goat cheese, and shrimp toasts. To. Die. For. And so easy.

Saturday evening I got my gear out as I religiously always do before a long run or race, and was in bed by 10:30 (which is GREAT for me). We had 8 miles on deck for Sunday morning, and I was again pacing the 9:30 half marathoners for our 3rd training run. Nerves always set in, but I was able to sleep until about 4 a.m. when I woke up in fear I missed my alarm. Ack…I still had an hour before I had to get up! I stayed in bed, trying to rest, and finally rolled out of bed at 5 to get ready…

Obligatory gear post-what’s your favorite fuel?

My hubby and I met up with all my friends, and we smiled, talked, and chatted as we got ready to line up to run.

Photo thanks to my friend, Jitka: here is me, Jitka, and Carolyn!

And we were off…the first couple miles Jitka, Brian, and Debra and I ran quite easily on the trails. Wow…2 miles done already? Awesome! I was holding pace easily, and then the hill of hell at Japanese gardens came…THIS hill nearly killed me in the full marathon last year, but our group barreled up it full force…so much so that I missed the turn, and nearly tacked on a good quarter mile to our route. Woops…a couple runners got irritated, and I apologized profusely. This nearly set me off course, but I had Jitka and Brian cheering me on, and I quickly brushed the negativity off my back. (note-those that know me well know how directionally challenged I am…so leading a group this size can be a bit daunting). We finished strong, and I had a huge sigh of relief when we were done despite losing part of my group.

Me and my hubby-this was his FARTHEST run to date! So proud!

And then….there was the food…

Give. Me. ALL. the. FOOD. Yup, he earned this!

And then…we napped. I am surprised how tired I get after these long runs, seeing that last year my mileage was double. I AM enjoying being home by 8:30 in the morning after a ‘long’ run, I’ll have to admit.

What is the farthest you’ve ran? What’s on your race docket this year?

I am sticking to half marathons this year…with my 3rd full scheduled for next summer with my sister. Training starts in February, so stand by for details!

Keep Movin’, y’all!!

❤ Michelle

running

Three things, Thursday

July 18, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

I haven’t slept worth crap (is sleep really worth crap? I digress…) this week. I can pretty much pin point the problem, but it’s a good problem if that makes sense…

1. I am breaking up with my love of my nightly glass (or 2 or 3) of wine. For those that know me, you know I LOVE wine. I love researching vineyards, checking out new wines featured in the “Wine Spectator” magazine, and my husband and I enjoy attending wine dinners. And so my habit formed, and I saw myself downing at least 2 large glasses in the evening, which of course let to a “good night’s sleep.” But was it good? Nah…I wake up feeling unrested, and sluggish. Hung over? Nah…I’m not THAT bad, lol. But unrested regardless. So this week with my goal of not only having fun training for my hubby’s first half marathon, I decided we needed to cut back on our other passion…sorry wine…you and I will still meet up, but at a lesser frequency.

2. Sometimes, people will hurt our feelings. I will leave this one a bit vague…but I will say I have a teenage daughter. (Enough said? lol)

Despite having a great day at work, my heart got the best of me, and I let attitudes and looks nearly ruin my day. I went upstairs to change in to my running clothes, yet really I just wanted to sit in the bathroom and cry silent tears. I splashed water on my face, got my gear on, and came downstairs to get ready with my husband for our 4 mile run. Thursdays work perfectly for our run as we drop our youngest off at the Park District at dance class for an hour, which is just enough time to run and peak in and see her dance for a few minutes. But my oldest saw my face…and knew I was upset after I finished getting ready. “Mom, can I have a hug?” Of course…I love my daughters dearly…#sigh

3. My husband and I had a GREAT run. Neither of us has been feeling very rested…between the wine, and working more hours than we can count, we decided tonight’s run we would take it easy. We did our speed/hill work out Tuesday, so tonight we planned on settling in with him letting me dictate the pace. My goal was to keep it under a 9:30 pace, with a desired average pace of 9:15. We finished at a average pace of 9:18, and the best part? Him looking at me nearly bewildered saying, “That was a GREAT run, and I felt like I could’ve kept going!” WIN. During our run along the Fox River we spotted several fisherman that had 6-8 fishing poles set up. My husband remarked, “Just think, some of these guys are probably relying on those fish for dinner.” And suddenly my piles of student loans and debt seemed very small…and I silently slapped myself in the head for always wanting more…

Oh, and my hubby has learned this lesson too during his long runs…LOL

How is your week going? Do you use speed/hills in your training? How do you prevent chafing? (I use good ole Vaseline) Have you counted your blessings tonight? There is still time…

❤ Michelle

running, Uncategorized

Running and flying, in no particular order

July 16, 2014 Movin' it with Michelle

Tuesdays are typically our speed/hill work runs. We are remaining pretty consistent with our training, and I have to give my hubby a huge shout out for not giving up with his first half marathon training. Yet with the humidity the Chicagoland area has been hit with lately, it’s been hard for me to keep my breathing steady and my legs not feeling like I am carrying 2 bricks as I run. So today, when walking out of work I was hit with a cool breeze that slapped me in the face and I smiled. We were going to have an Epic run tonight. Despite the huge blister on my second toe that I acquired in last year’s 20 mile training run (20 miles of running in torrential downpour rain, with thunder and lightening to boot) that I’ve had to now bandage as it’s resurfaced with all the rainy runs, I knew this one would be good.

We laced up for our 4 miler as soon as we got home from work, and hit the road running. I knew immediately my intuitions were spot on, and even the first mile felt GREAT. This NEVER happens for me. My goal for us on this run was an average of a 9 minute mile, as this is our race pace goal. Our course is laden with 2 significant uphill climbs that I incorporate for our hill work outs. I love doubling both hills, with speed as it makes the run tougher…but in turn it makes us stronger runners.

By mile 2 I felt the wind not only fighting me, but fueling me to push harder…and suddenly I was flying. I settled in as we barreled up the first of two hills at an 8:58 pace, where just last week we were at a 9:06 pace. The second hill was tougher as it is in the last mile of our run. I looked down at my watch, and we were clocking a 8:46 pace…KEEP PUSHING…I had to stop briefly to stretch my calf, but we took back off full force towards our house…and as we hit the last half mile, I took off…I didn’t think…I didn’t look at my watch…I just RAN. I peeked out of the corner of my eye, and there was my hubby holding steady next to me…so I ran faster…I flew…we finished our last mile at an 8:33 pace, which is probably my fastest mile in several years. After several high fives, and a sweaty kiss we finished our run with huge smiles and a great feeling of satisfaction and pride. Our splits were: 9:11, 9:00, 9:03, 8:33

Do you incorporate speed and hills in to your training?

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