I don’t often blog about my history of depression. I’ve shared my story in the past, but in moving forward I’ve tried to keep the details and situations I’ve dealt with where they belong…and that is in the past. I have learned, grown, and pushed myself out of some pretty dark places in my life. And I know that does not make me special in any way, nor do I feel like I am someone to be looked up to or held at a higher esteem because I didn’t give up.
Because I wanted to give up.
More times than I can count.
I’ve cried, screamed, and pounded my hands on my steering wheel while driving home because it was the only place I could do it privately.
During many a run, I had to stop and hold back the tears…
I wanted to just throw in the towel, believing at the time(s) that the world would be a better place without me in it…Yet I thankfully was reminded quite quickly I’d be missed, and that I was loved. No matter the darkness I often embodied…
I was loved. I just needed to love myself.
I needed. To love. Myself.
And it took nearly 4 decades to do just this…
Wait for it…
I love who I am becoming. It’s a daily challenge, and I am taking it full force.
Finally, I have found my true north, within my own soul. I am, my own compass.
I still hate my hair…my mid section…oh, and that darn cellulite that has dug it’s ever living claws in to my back side. Oh, and can someone pass over the Botox for my wrinkles? LOL! jk
But inside, I am finding out who I am more and more every day. I have remained tried and true to my beliefs. I don’t let others dictate how I feel
most days daily.
Yet today, I found myself choking back the sobs in hearing the news of Robin Williams death. Not only because we’ve lost a true SMILE that visited millions of lives, but because I’ve been there…in that dark hour where there seems to be no way out. I used to actually get mad at my Mother for smiling/staring at me because I hated myself so much. Gosh I was such a shit.
But we’ve moved forward…reconciled and I am reveling in the fact that it is NEVER too late.
Yet sadly, it’s too late for Robin Williams. The social stigma and criticism of depression has so many people hiding behind clothes doors refusing to ask for help. And sadly this case is no different.
With that, I ask you to be kind. Be real. Embrace the fact that you may not understand what other people are going through, but a kind thought, word, or message can make someone’s day.
This week, my miles are dedicated to those suffering from depression. Both past and present.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from Robin Williams:
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone.”
“You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.”
“I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.”
So my challenge for you this week, is to dedicate one mile to someone that is suffering. Who’s with me?
19 thoughts on “A smile was lost today, RIP Robin Williams”
Thank you for your words, Michelle. Depression is a disease with such a stigma attached to it and is so much worse than anyone can possibly admit.
Sad but true, Bryan.
This is so, so close to home for me. My son is suffering so badly at the moment and it’s so hard to see him hurting. Yes, spread the love and be kind! I’m all for that.
Prayers for your son!
Thank you for sharing some of your story, Michelle. I have been there myself, and can daily find a million things I hate about myself. Love those quotes from Robin.
Btw, I think you’re so pretty!!
Oooooo you are too sweet. Thanks hon. I appreciate your comments.
I saw someone post on facebook calling Robin Williams cowardly and that the poster had been through things and made it through to the other side. It made me sick. Unfortunately, stories like this will keep happening until everyone accepts that you can’t just strong arm your way through major mental illness. You need help and that’s okay. Well said in your post.
Sadly it’s these people who label depressed people are a catalyst to suicide. Sad. Sad. Sad.
❤ to you and those everywhere battling those inner struggles ❤
I deal with depression daily and each day is a choice. I will pray for Robin Williams. Very sad for his family but people need to understand that this disease is so very real.
Well said. Xo
Each day is a choice indeed!! Prayers going up for everyone who suffers from this disease!!!
You are so amazing and you know I love your honesty. I’m so glad to know you…you make my life better. 🙂
Thanks dear friend. Sometimes I’m told I’m too honest. Lol
Big hugs to you and everyone fighting these demons. It is so prevalent. It breaks my heart to think of how much pain lurks behind the smiles of so many.
Thank you so much Marcia. Xoxo
Beautiful post Michelle, thank you for sharing yourself with all of us ♡ You have a beautiful soul!
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