Deployment thoughts – Page 4 – Movin' it with Michelle

T-1 week

March 1, 2016March 2, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

I missed out on the weekly wrap this week, and honestly hadn’t planned to post until my husband leaves next week. It’s now very real as he is home packing up all of his gear today. #allthesobs after seeing these pics…

Someone isn't pleased... — Someone isn’t pleased…

Time to pack...I'm not ready. — Time to pack…I’m not ready.

But I am trying to focus on the good, so here goes…

Our weekend was wonderful, having spent it with my parents as they flew in from Arizona. We visited the city, ate yummy good food, and just enjoyed each other’s company. We went to the city on Saturday and enjoyed the unseasonably warm Chicago weather we were given that day (it’s snowing today…really?!?). We took the train down, and hit up our favorite places to eat, Quartino and MK. We also did a bit of shopping, but more so just walked around and had fun together. My parent’s had NEVER been to The Bean, so we of course had to get an obligatory Bean selfie. I skipped my long run this weekend, and am 110% ok with that, especially since we walked over 5 miles on Saturday. I’ve pretty much decided I will only run the half in May, but that’s another post in itself.

When they brought this desert out to him, he lost it..."I'll see you in my dreams..." — When they brought this desert out to him, he lost it…”I’ll see you in my dreams…”

Sunday, we got home from having lunch with my sister’s family and wishing my parents safe travels home, and I was feeling pretty sad. Yet here’s what changed my mood: My neighbor AND girlfriend made this beautiful flier for me, passed it out to the neighborhood, and a neighbor that I hadn’t met had stopped by to offer her support. I was just in awe, and am still so touched there really are no words.

In less than a week, he will be gone and I still have trouble imagining this next year without him. I know, it’s probably tiring to read the same thing over and over, but I somehow have to get it off my chest because it literally feels like an elephant is sitting on my heart. BUT…the day he leaves, starts the countdown to his return and I found this super cool app for my phone.

Thanks for all of your amazing support and prayers. We truly appreciate it!

How’s the weather where you are at? Have you had to scale back on a race due to real life before?

Cheers!

Michelle

Deployment thoughts, Uncategorized

This too in time shall pass

February 26, 2016February 26, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

I promise I’ve not fallen off the face of the planet. I’m still here…sorta. I haven’t worked out once this week, and cooking has been minimal at best. You see, Monday it hit me like a 10,000 ton of bricks, that my time with my husband is nearing the end. When someone asked me yesterday when he was leaving, and my answer was, “In just under 2 weeks,” I found myself choking back a sob or 10. Ok, more like 10,000,000 but who’s counting?

My days of thinking I could do it all have long since been laid to rest, and now all I can do is force myself to go to bed at night, and then make myself get up for work in the morning. I am tired. All. The. Time. Being this emotionally drained feels more like I’ve ran 10 marathons vs. dealing with deployment fears. Give me the marathon any day!

I am not ready to say goodbye to this man, MY PERSON, the one person who gets me and has stuck by my side for what feels like an eternity. While friends have come and gone over the decades, my husband, MY BEST FRIEND, has continued to love me even when hating me would be so much easier. Trust me, I’m not the easiest person to love. I am moody, emotional, self-loathing, and harder on myself than I need to be on a daily basis.

Yet he loves me. And he gets my jokes. We say the same things at the same time, we know, always, what the other is thinking and feeling. And the thought of dropping him off to get on plane to go terrible-ville in just over a week makes my chest physically hurt. #ijustcant

So I don’t know what I will write, or when I will run or how I will spark my creative juices in the next week or so. I only know that I need to somehow keep it together, for my daughters because they need me. And I need them too.

I hope to be back at blogging once life falls into some sort of routine, but this next week I need to hang on to all the moments. I’ll be taking lots of pictures this weekend (my folks are coming to town) and over the next week in hopes to hang on to every single moment.

Until then, I’ll keep movin’ forward, even if its at a snails pace.

❤

Michelle

Deployment thoughts, Uncategorized

Thinking Thursday

February 18, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

Since the news of my husband’s deployment I’ve gotten so many wonderful emails, cards, and even gifts sent to me by loved ones.

book — A daily devotional from one of my FB friends ❤

Out pouring of prayers, texts and phone calls have been welcomed with open arms on most days. Because in all honesty even though I do get a daily text of “Love you” usually from my hubby, I have only gotten to talk to him a couple times as in “real conversation” talk in the last few weeks, and that makes my evenings very hard. To say I am just hanging on by a thread or two pretty much sums it up.

Work stress is at an all time high, and of course parenting 2 girls one of which is a teen means my plate is over flowing.

Some days, I am ok. Others…well, not so much.

Last night we had some window repair guys come to the door. I begrudgingly opened the door to have them come in and give their shpeal about how my windows were old (duh, the house is 30 years old) and needed repair. Would my husband be home later so we could discuss? No, D-bag…My husband is deployed and I am the head of the household from here on out for the next year. OOOOOOH. Thank him for his service they said as they looked at my Grandpa’s shadow box on the mantle.

mantle — My Dad built this shadow box for my Grandpa, and it was given to me after my Grandfather’s passing.

How many tours has your husband done? Two I said. I smiled and said thank you, and told them that I too, was retired military. How many tours? I didn’t go overseas…No comment from either gentleman.

myflag — Just a few of my accolades from over the years

They went on about the windows, and I could feel the fire burning in the back of my throat. So often my service is disregarded, even by myself-but I’m allowed ha- because I didn’t “fight any wars.” Not that they saw at least. And that will always make me sad, because I joined the military in my junior year of high school on the delayed enlistment program TO GO TO WAR and fight for my country. Yet here I am, almost 25 years later still working in a hospital job that was chosen for me by the military.

Miffed, I shook the man’s hands and bid them good night.

Several minutes later, my youngest tugged on my shirt as I cooked dinner to show me the card she and her daycare buddies made for my husband. As I pulled it out of the envelope and opened up the card I choked back sobs in seeing dozens and dozens of children’s signatures wishing my husband the best on his deployment.

And at that moment I realized that serving my country also meant sucking up all my stupid pride and serving proudly as an Army wife.

I may have not had the career I fought hard to attain, but God puts us where we are meant to be. I have to have faith that this is where I am needed, at least for now. Every ounce of support I’ve received is just another thread in the rope I’ll be hanging on to this next year. Thank you!!

❤

Michelle

Deployment thoughts, weekly wrap up

Saving Valentines Day

February 14, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

This week, I wasn’t going to post. But I decided that despite heartache, I needed to celebrate the fun weekend we had. So here we go, in mostly pictures, my weekend wrap up.

I got my hair did….cheaply, but done none the less…eek I look tired!

Lunch with my girls! Why I am so squinty?

I wish I could say this was an epic hallmark holiday, but I can’t lie. It was tough without my husband. We’ve spent the last several years apart, but tonight’s reminder that we are together always was just what I needed. My neighbors are currently plowing my driveway after our snowfall, so blessings all around. Thanks to Holly and Tricia for the weekly wrap up!

weekly-Wrapup

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend!

❤ Cheers!

Michelle

Deployment thoughts, weekly wrap up

Weekly Wrap up 2/8/16

February 8, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

Gosh I have been bad about writing. But to be honest, I haven’t had a whole lot to write about. I am technically in training for the 4th full marathon, but have struggled the last couple weeks to gain motivation to really push myself. Emotionally I have just been all over the place, and range from mad, to sad, to just drained.

And then, last night, it hit me. I have been doing this “single parent” gig, well, for A LONG time. I was a single Mom to my oldest for the first 4 years of her life, and my husband’s travels between work and the Army have been significant over the years to say the least. Why can’t I remember that each and every time he goes, that this isn’t the first time he’ll leave, and it surely won’t be the last time either. Why? Because, to be honest…it hurts. It hurts because my husband has chosen this life, and his first love will always be the Army. And just admitting that, just WRITING that down to solidify that fact, well, hurts even a little more. Does he love me any less because of his life’s passion to serve in the Army? Not necessarily. But the Army will forever more come first. I can either accept that, or not. And for the past almost 13 years, I’ve accepted it, and will continue to do so. Our country needs more people like him in all honesty. And I know he does it not only because he loves it, but because he wants to provide a good life for us. I’ll stop whining. NOW. ❤

But sometimes it hard. It’s especially hard watching him already be gone, even though we’ve got a handful of days left. He got home late last night excited to be bearing gifts for the girls and I. He bought me a shirt from Free People…but forgot he bought me the very same shirt for Christmas. He got my oldest daughter a hoody, but got her a size medium which she’d drown in as she barely weighs 100 lbs. And he got our youngest American girl doll clothes for her doll Lucy, which was spot on. Hey, it’s 1 outta 3 right? Poor guy. He’s just not here anymore. He means well, for sure, and for that I am thankful. But to say I miss him already is an understatement.

So last week my training suffered, partly due to emotional setbacks, partly due to physical aspects (my right calf had REALLY been hurting since Tuesday’s run) and lastly due to finding the time between being a single Mom and managing to maintain the house and my career.

Monday-rest

Tuesday-3.1 miles on the tready and 4 minute plank

Wednesday-20 minutes of Pilates and core

Thursday-rest

Friday-unscheduled rest and date night with my daughters

Saturday-house work, shopping, lunch date and movies with my daughters as well as an unscheduled girls night with my dear friend and neighbor.

Sunday-long run forced inside due to child care conflicts and a sore calf left my 5 miler turning into 4.2 It was all I had in the tank to be honest. Hubby made it home for the Superbowl which was nice, and I even made chicken chili (which I will highlight in my recipe section, soon)

Chicken chili! I'll type the recipe up this week! — Chicken chili! I’ll type the recipe up this week!

So tomorrow he heads off to the second stint of his deployment which is only a couple weeks, but a couple weeks less time spent with us. One month from tomorrow, he will head out for his final journey of training before he goes, but it will be our final goodbye for the year.

I’m wrapping up with Holly and Tricia again, and hope you run over and support all the amazing bloggers in this link up.

Are you training for any races? Have you struggled to find motivation in the cold winter months?

Cheers!

❤ Michelle

Deployment thoughts

Groundhogs day 2016 and happy moments

February 2, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

Happy Groundhogs day!!!! I know, I know, seems something silly to celebrate, right? But it hit me today that I need to celebrate every little happy moment, especially now.

Why?

Well, after having to cancel my lunch date with my husband yesterday as we were both off from work for ONCE in a very long time due to our youngest feeling ill and having to be pick up from school, we decided to make the most of it and rent a movie.

Martian was really great and it was nice to just hunker down and snuggle. We made the most of the day, and got in some much needed family time. #celebrate That’s happy moment number 1 for this week.

This morning I headed out the door with my teen and a huge blow out ensued as we sat in the parking lot of her high school. “Why are you always yelling at me?” she cried out, to which I could only answer “Why are you always so disrespectful and mean just to ME?” A battle of the wits, and a never ending fight. Being a Mom is hard work. #sorrymom I drove to work in tears, wondering for the gazillionth time HOW I would do this for an entire year or more by myself.

I texted him when I arrived to work, choking back sobs and voicing my concerns. Sigh. There’s that big fat elephant sitting on my chest again.

My teen and I have talked, made amends, and agreed to have better lines of communication. A little less snark equals a lot less yelling, we both agreed. We’ve come to this agreement a hundred times before, and I am hoping this will be the one. Ok, I hope that each time, but hey, what’s wrong with a little hope. And there’s happy moment number 2.

What’s something happy that you’ve celebrated this week? Do you have parenting trials with your teens?

Happy Tuesday, y’all!

❤ Michelle

Deployment thoughts, weekly wrap up

Weekly wrap up 1/31/2016

January 31, 2016January 31, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

I thought about not linking up this week for my weekly wrap up with Holly and Tricia, but it’s been such a good way to keep me accountable, AND keep me writing vs. bottling up all my emotions, so here goes…

My week started out pretty darn good.

Monday I did a brisk walk on my dreadmill while dinner was cooking, just 3 miles, but felt good to stretch the legs. I also did the Tracy Anderson strength training video (30 minutes)

I met up with my friends for Tuesday night run club, and knocked out 6.5 miles at an average pace of 9:24. Not bad for this average runner.

My new jacket is SUPER reflective, I love it!

Wednesday-Pilates and core for 20 minutes

Thursday-rest and this is the day things took a downward dive.

Friday I was supposed to do my long run for the second week of marathon raining, see my Runfessions post, but ditched it since I wasn’t feeling well. Managed a few miles on the ‘mill. Nothing even pic-worthy LOL

All in all, my week was mediocre at best. The news that my husband leaves next week just has left me in an emotional tailspin, and the addition of the ever dreaded weekend duty this weekend has left my positive attitude falling a bit short. I have, though, delved into the Army wife network group that we’ve built on FB, and have been distracting myself by looking for yellow ribbons to pass out at the farewell ceremony. Sometimes when you are feeling low, it’s nice to help someone else…it not only makes THEM feel good, but you get good feels in return.

Saturday/Sunday I worked, and when I have weekend duty, sadly I have very little left in the tank for workouts. This afternoon when I arrived home, my youngest greeted me with warm hugs and a bright smile so I passed on the nap I was so looking forward to, lol. I did have a slight moment of panic, when our heater wasn’t turning on and the temps were dropping quickly in the house. I went down to the basement, realizing that I wasn’t sure which big box looking thing was the heater. How was I going to fix this? And then it hit me…I better figure it out, and quick. Thankfully the hubby was home, and I felt terrible waking him from HIS nap, as he just came off 21 days of duty and leaves again Wednesday. But he grinned tiredly, and fixed it. YAY. We have heat. CRAP. I couldn’t do it myself.

mom14 — Yup, this sums up how I felt, LOL…all I can do is laugh, right?

How was your week? How do you handle set backs in regards to your training? For my women readers, are you handy around the house?

Cheers!

❤ Michelle

Deployment thoughts, Uncategorized

The many stages of deployment

January 28, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

So just when I thought I had it all figured out, well, yeah…I was reminded that I’m only human. My husband is set to leave in the beginning of March. For an entire year. He’s been on orders (training) full time for the last 3 weeks straight. As in up at 4 A.M. for work and home just before 8 P.M. most nights. But what was saving me is that we’d at least have February to spend together as a family before he leaves. He’d go back to a regular-ish work week, and we’d see him at least a couple of the weekends in February. We’d have time to recharge before he leaves in March.

Or not.

Today I got the news that he had a lot of travel in February to prepare for the deployment. As in the first 3 weeks of February, he would be traveling. REALLY? After several tears, and even more F-bombs, it got me thinking about the many stages of deployment. I thought I’d share a few that have rang true with me through the many years of being an Army wife.

Sadness…as in, my chest feels as if a 10 ton elephant is sitting on my heart and squeezing the life out of my soul. Ok, that’s a bit extensive, but total true story.

Fear…fear of the unknown for both me and my girls, and for my husband and his soldiers. Every. Single. Day. I will fear for his life, and nothing can change that fear.

Anger…even resentment for the passion he has for the Army, and the fact that his passion takes him away from his family, and puts himself in harms way. More so, anger towards the Army for taking him away from me so often. And I’ll admit that’s one of the toughest stages to deal with on a daily basis.

And lastly…but most importantly…PRIDE…because all the sadness, fear, anger, and every other emotion in the world can’t be topped with pride. For this man, MY husband, is protecting our country (and our country is in a pretty sad state these days), and for that, I need to be grateful , proud, and thankful. Because there aren’t many people out there anymore, that are willing to sacrifice their lives.

So while today I reminded him how much I think this FU@#%&*! sucks, and that I have NO idea how I would get through this without him, I am still so darn proud of him. I may or may not have a good cry in the shower, and I lost it at work today which I try to NEVER do, but man, I will keep telling myself that I WILL get through this. I’ve got no other choice, right?

Thanks for all of the continued thoughts and prayers. This year will be life changing for sure.

How do you deal with difficult situations, or family separations?

Thanks!

Michelle

Deployment thoughts, marathon training, Uncategorized

Pre-deployment thoughts

January 20, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

A lot of people have asked me how things are going in regards to my husband’s upcoming deployment. At work, I keep on my game face most days, and I have really learned to hold it together for the most part. At home, I can’t always say the same.

The truth is, the pre-deployment phase is almost worse than the deployment itself. A million thoughts go through my head as I watch my husband mentally exit more and more every day. I see the worried look on his face as he stares off in to space, and I see the tiredness compounding in his furrowed brow and blood shot eyes. We’ve got just shy of 6 weeks to go, and just yesterday it seemed like I was saying he was leaving in 4 months. Will the time go by just as quickly when he’s gone? Probably not, but I sure can hope.

I question whether or not my teenage daughter and I will get through this year, to be honest. For the last few weeks, things have actually been pretty great…and in honor of her privacy, I’ll just say last night we had one of our infamous blowouts. You know, the kind that leave you feeling like you’ve been punched in the throat? Yup…one of those. But my husband was there, as always, to mediate. He’s always been so great at being our middle man, our “let’s hash this SH&%!” guy…what will we do when he’s not here, and hormones are flying? Lord help us, truly.

Despite the fact that I know I am strong, and I know I will get through this, I honestly don’t want to hear that sentence from ONE MORE person. I really don’t. I’m sorry if that sounds mean and I appreciate the fact people think I am strong, but instead let’s sit down and talk about how bad this freaking sucks, or as my husband admits, “I’m sorry for the hell I’m putting you through.” Let’s share a glass of wine, and talk about how we’ve got each other’s backs as friends/family and a reminder of “I’m here for you” would be wonderful. Because isn’t that what friends and family are for? To get through the hard SH&%# together? I sure think so…

What am I going to do about the fact that this truly sucks? I’m going to take care of ME, so I can better take care of my kids. I’ve started taking more time on my physical appearance, actually taking time on my make up in the morning, picking out nice outfits to wear for work, etc. I started doing this a few weeks ago, and it’s amazing how much of a difference it makes I’ve found. Even my coworkers noticed, asking me why I am dressing up more…I smiled and said, “If I look pretty on the outside, maybe it’ll cheer me up on the inside,” and I think it’s working, a little…

So this weekend I will (I hope) get out on the roads/trails and get my first official long run in of 6 miles. To keep mentally sane through all of this, I’ve been working out a lot at home (Tracy Anderson Transformation videos) , planking, and treadmilling when needed. I can happily report that between stress-haha, a healthy diet, and consistent working out, I have lost nearly all of my marathon weight from last year. My goal this year is to NOT gain weight during training, if I do decide to stick with the full.

12605434_1086246881418436_6509335534326877025_o Third work out this week!!!

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words during this difficult time. I am so glad I decided to keep the blog going while my hubby is gone, and appreciate the support and prayers. And guess what? My teen just came up to me and gave me a hug, saying she was sorry for yesterday. I hugged her tight, and told her I was sorry too…#allthefeels

❤ Michelle

Deployment thoughts, Recipes, Uncategorized

Tasty roasted broccoli quinoa and training plans

January 19, 2016 Movin' it with Michelle

So today I did it…I bit the bullet and printed out my faithful Hal Higdon full marathon training plan. I am still on the fence about running a full with my husband deploying, but after night’s like tonight with my teen, I think I may have some mama drama that will need to be left on the trails this next year. I asked my husband if he could pack up one of us to deploy with him, but that doesn’t seem to be an option. Lord help us this next year, LOL…

I already have a good base with 6-7 miles done easy, so I have some time to decide. We shall see…

Tomorrow we are having a “healthy food” potluck at work, so I decided to make my roasted broccoli and quinoa salad. This salad is SO easy that I made it WHILE cooking dinner tonight.

Ingredients:

2 bags of your favorite quinoa, I use a brown rice/quinoa mix-cook according to package directions

2 cups of roasted broccoli-season with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder and roast at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes or until the edges are nice and golden brown

2-3 green onions chopped at a diagonal

The zest of one lemon

1/4 cup of gruyere cheese (I prefer mild), cut in small cubes

1 teaspoon of organic apple cider vinegar

1 cup of toasted pecans

Mix all ingredients well, and finish with a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and a pinch of salt.

My healthy dish is ready!

What’s your favorite healthy dish to pass for potlucks at work or with family? What’s your best release for teenage girl drama?

Cheers!

Michelle

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