Celebrate the good, depression, moving forward

Finding my happiness…

This morning I was reading one of my favorite blogs over at Suzlyfe. I love her blog because its raw, its real, all while being informative and entertaining. I needed a little respite from the funk I’ve been in, so when I opened my email this morning to get my daily dose of Suz, I found myself moved to tears.

See, between not getting promoted and not hearing back on any prospective leads I thought I had, along with dealing with some resentment and anger issues (don’t ask, we can save that for another post, or not…) I’ve found myself in a funk. My mood sucks, my running sucks (if you can call running twice a week actual running) and my cooking has even started to suck. The ONE thing I actually think I am half way decent at has fallen flat and left my family (more so me) less than impressed. This has been ongoing for the last few weeks, and with each dish I prepare, it’s either under/over cooked, over seasoned, or just plain blah. And this is quite unlike me, I’d like to think at least. So last night when my hubby had to take my oldest to the dentist, I thought, HEY, I will make the steak for the tacos we planned on having along with getting the beans and corn ready. Too easy, right? Wrong…I cooked the steak with beautiful grill marks and set aside to rest. I then decided it necessary to mutilate the beans, overcooking them by a good 15 minutes. Just before they got home from the dentist I went to slice in to my beautifully grilled and rested meat to find it was still RAW. And not just slightly raw, I am talking, the cow may have had a MOO or two left in him. Ugh…I threw it back in the pan, and sighed a heavy sigh.  

After dinner we cleared the plates and I told my family I was on a hiatus from cooking. If I can’t joy in cooking, I simply can’t cook. With that, I headed upstairs to take a shower and have a good cry but when I turned around my oldest daughter had decided to come up and comfort me. I don’t hide my emotions very well, and my family knows me better than most. She gave me a huge hug and said, “You ok, Mom?” and I broke in to a sob. “Don’t settle in life honey,” I pleaded with her. “Write your books, chase your dreams, just please don’t get stuck like Mommy is. While I was in the Air Force it was ok to have this job, but now I feel stuck.” And she just hugged me tighter, promising she’d chase her dreams. We even pinky promised which is like a golden seal in our house. Yup, my almost 18 year old still will pinky promise with me. ❤ And suddenly I found my happiness again, right there in the comfort of my first born daughter’s arms. Funny how the tables can turn.  

My takeaway from last night was twofold. Yes, I am feeling stuck, and I think RUT might be my new middle name. BUT…I had a beautiful moment with my daughter that no one can take away, and I need to focus on moments like these vs. feeling a little stuck. Because we can’t be stuck if we are still making the choice to get out of bed every day and do our best.



My time will come. I just know it. And I am so thankful for the beautiful people in my life that have helped me see the brighter side of things. Thanks Suz, this one is for you!






Deployment thoughts

Groundhogs day 2016 and happy moments

Happy Groundhogs day!!!!  I know, I know, seems something silly to celebrate, right?  But it hit me today that I need to celebrate every little happy moment, especially now.
photo cred: groundhogsdayprediction.com
photo cred: groundhogsdayprediction.com
Well, after having to cancel my lunch date with my husband yesterday as we were both off from work for ONCE in a very long time due to our youngest feeling ill and having to be pick up from school, we decided to make the most of it and rent a movie.
Martian was really great and it was nice to just hunker down and snuggle.  We made the most of the day, and got in some much needed family time. #celebrate That’s happy moment number 1 for this week.
This morning I headed out the door with my teen and a huge blow out ensued as we sat in the parking lot of her high school.  “Why are you always yelling at me?” she cried out, to which I could only answer “Why are you always so disrespectful and mean just to ME?”  A battle of the wits, and a never ending fight.  Being a Mom is hard work.  #sorrymom I drove to work in tears, wondering for the gazillionth time HOW I would do this for an entire year or more by myself.
I texted him when I arrived to work, choking back sobs and voicing my concerns.  Sigh. There’s that big fat elephant sitting on my chest again.
My teen and I have talked, made amends, and agreed to have better lines of communication.  A little less snark equals a lot less yelling, we both agreed.  We’ve come to this agreement a hundred times before, and I am hoping this will be the one.  Ok, I hope that each time, but hey, what’s wrong with a little hope. And there’s happy moment number 2.
photo cred: lifehack.org
photo cred: lifehack.org

What’s something happy that you’ve celebrated this week?  Do you have parenting trials with your teens?

Happy Tuesday, y’all!

❤ Michelle