Cheers! Thanks for all the support this year!!!
Deployments affect the entire family. Remember when I told you about my husband’s foot locker being delivered last week? While it was super exciting to see his stuff, I can honestly say after dragging in to our formal living room to get it out of the way that I didn’t think about it again. That is, until several days later.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while (and if not-keep reading!), you know that my other true love is named Sammy. He is my golden retriever, my best 4 legged friend, my soul mate, and my all around buddy. He was how I got through severe post partum depression, and I love him more than there are words to describe. He follows me (and the girls) everywhere, and is always there when I need a good cry. He listens to my every word (except when I am reprimanding him, then he just cowers) and loves me no matter what, even on the bad days.
Well, Sammy hasn’t done so well over the difficult months of deployment. It’s aged him, and he’s not the normal happy Sammy. He’s sad. He sleeps a lot, and he is in constant need of attention. So the girls and I happily oblige, as loving him makes us feel better, too. So even though we have all been hurting, we make time to give each other extra love…win/win.
But in this last week, he’s taken a bad turn for the worse. He won’t listen, he often refuses to go in his kennel, and he doesn’t leave my side from the time I walk in the door to the time I walk out the next day for work. For the majority of this past year, he’s slept in my older daughter’s room because her bed is smaller and he loves that feeling of security. (He’s used to sleeping between my husband and I, but since he’s left he’s only slept with me maybe 3 or 4 times.) But in this past week, he’s slept RIGHT next to me either at the head or foot of the bed. He’s touching me in SOME way. And I just couldn’t figure out why? Does he feel the giddy anticipation of my husband’s arrival? Is he not feeling well? Does he have a sixth sense about something that’s due to happen???
None of those things are what is happening with Sammy.
He smells my husband’s scent from his foot locker. But he doesn’t know where he is, or if he’s even coming back. And as each day passes, his anxiety is increasing because he doesn’t understand. And realizing that this morning, made my heart physically ache for my sweet Sammy.
I am praying the scent from the foot locker, fades…that, or my husband returns quick enough to heal poor Sammy’s broken heart.
Have your pets ever reacted poorly to a family member being gone for an extended period of time?? How did you comfort them?
You’ve got that song in your head now, don’t you…ROFL!!!
Gosh…where do I begin.
Wait. I know. MY HUSBAND IS SAFE ON U.S. soil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does it get any better than that? Gosh, I can’t even tell you the weight I feel that has lifted from my heart/shoulders. I received this picture from a fellow Army wife late on Saturday evening and I couldn’t. STOP. STARING. That smile says it all…and that smile has been missing from my life for a year now. But I feel the effects it brings to my life by looking at this picture, so pardon me while I give it another look…<3 But I digress….LOL!
My daughters asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I immediately said one last girls trip to the city before their Daddy gets home. So, Saturday the girls and I went to the city for the day. I had pre-planned this before knowing of the anti-Trump and women’s marches so I was a little apprehensive after seeing all the riots in D.C. after the inauguration. Thankfully everything was peaceful and had disbanded before we got downtown. We spent the day eating, walking around the city, and catching the sites at the Shedd Aquarium. The weather was beautiful and I couldn’t have asked for a better day.
I’ve reached the final stage of this deployment, which I like to call the “nesting phase.” I am cleaning like a mad woman, and recleaning what I’ve already cleaned just to make sure it’s clean. Yes, I know my husband could care less about anything other than the fridge being stocked with beer and wine, but hey…I couldn’t help it. Both our fridges are scrubbed, cleaned, and checked all expiration dates. (Can you tell I work in a lab? LOL). I also scrubbed (with the help from Soph) my bathroom, and vacuumed and dusted the entire house. Don’t worry, I am sure I’ll do it 3 more times before he comes home. And while I can’t say what day he’ll be home…I can officially say it will be LATE NEXT WEEK. Yes…I said NEXT week…all the feels!! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
My next post is going to go over the highs and lows of this deployment. I have learned so much about myself and others, as well as made some wonderful memories with my daughters that will last a lifetime. I will forever be grateful to those who not only are there to celebrate the highs, but have carried me during the lows…for these are priceless gems in my life. #foreverfriends
Thanks to YOU ALL for joining me on this year long journey. I truly appreciate you hanging around even though this blog is for running and recipes as well. Real life took over, but you know what? I wouldn’t change a single thing.
The final countdown is ON until I am snuggled safely in my husband’s arms, and I CANNOT wait! ❤
Today is my birthday. My husband has been gone for 315 days. 45 weeks. And this. This “holiday” is the last one he will miss. (At least for a while!).
That took the sting out of his absence I think, and I can say I had a wonderful birthday. My coworker’s spoiled me and I felt so very loved. My daughters made me cards and pictures and we enjoyed a lovely dinner tonight.
But one moment in particular stood out for me, and it was when I read a comment from my blogger friend, Jane over at 50statecanuck.com wrote. She was admiring my strength over this last year and said I was the trunk that held my family together. And it was in that moment I realized that all this while I HAVE been strong. I finally really have started to believe it. But more so, I have such gratitude for those that helped water my tree. The small handful of gardeners that made time to add sustinence to my life will be held close to my heart for a lifetime. Pic from Pinterest
So here’s to a new year, and another ring in my tree.
Gosh can you believe we’re in the final countdown of this deployment?? I mean…We’re counting DAYS people!! Ok, we’ve still got weeks in there but I can finally see the end.
I also finally got what I think are the right shoes. Ladies and gentlemen meet my new Nike Pegasus shoes! Aren’t they pretty!? Haven’t had a chance to test them out yet but soon!!
My birthday is Tuesday and when my daughter and I got home from our fun day of shopping and going out to eat, THIS was on our front door step.
Also, it wouldn’t be a good post without pics of my beautiful daughters. These two ladies have been my rock over this last year and I couldn’t have done it without them, and the help from a couple close friends.
I’ve learned a lot this last year. Who my friends are. How strong I am. And that above all else, my family WILL get through this time apart. I couldn’t be more proud of my daughters and my husband and his troops. May God continue to watch over us all.
Thanks all for your amazing love and support over this last year! I’ll never forget it!!
What shoes do you run in?
Have gone through a life changing event and realized you don’t have as many friends as you thought?
Hope y’all have a blessed week!
Hey gang, sorry I’ve been absent. I know I’ve not been posting, or participating much in the blogger world and for that I apologize. The holiday season is hitting me particularly hard, and I just don’t have much to say…
I will say, that here’s a shout out to all of my fellow military wives and girlfriends. During the holidays the troops get an outpouring of packages, calls, gifts to show appreciation and support. Yet the loved ones back home are often forgotten…sure, we have all the luxuries of being home. Our trees are beautifully decorated, and we’ve got home cooked food baking in the oven. The smells and sounds of the holidays surround us. But I can tell you first hand the emptiness we feel from the absence of our spouse (boyfriend, Dad, friend etc.) is palpable and no amount of Turkey, candy canes or Christmas music can replace them. My heart physically hurts.
That being said, I will more than likely not be posting much during the holidays. We are busy dealing with the fender bender my 17 year old got in (she’s ok thanks goodness, but my pocket book not so much), all while trying to keep our heads above water during the holidays.
I want to wish you all a very happy holiday season. I will poke my head in from time to time, but only I feel like I have something meaningful to share. I will ask, that if you know of a family that has a deployed family member to please check on the family left behind, too…
209 days ago my husband left for his deployment. 209. That’s a long. Freaking. Time.
We’ve had a lot of heart ache. A lot of growth. A lot of struggle. Many steps forward lead to even more steps taken backward. But always deciding to move forward regardless.
But every day we started anew. Sometimes with hard feelings from the argument the night before. Sometimes with such a heavy sadness that the physical ache in my chest started to concern me. But almost always we started with a hug, a kind word or just the presence of each other as we started our day. Together. Me and my girls.
My girls are my tribe. I see that so very clearly now. Looking back on wasted energy and jealousy of those who had these amazing groups of friends and social life makes me a little sad. Why would I not just look right in front of me? Despite all of our conflict these girls are my constant. My reason for being at least for now. They won’t always need me but they do now. And I’m thankful for that. Because together we keep moving forward.
30 weeks. Broken toilets, house repairs, teenage drama, work stress, heart breaks, missed holidays and birthdays, missed life events and everything that could go wrong that went wrong. And we’re still movin’ my friends.
Take that deployment curse.
And yes. I fixed my power washer all by myself and washed the deck and windows tonight to celebrate.
This morning my eldest daughter and I had a fight. This is no real shocker to those that have been following my blog for a while, or for those that parent teenage daughters. As most know, the teenager is ALWAYS right and the Mom NEVER understands. The simplest question to said teen, sets off the immediate defense mode and suddenly all the progress I thought we’d made suddenly feels light years away. Sigh.
Yup. That was my morning. By 0730 hrs. and not near enough coffee all I really wanted to do was go home and crawl back into my nice warm bed so I could listen to the rain and make the world go away. But, that isn’t how real life works now, is it…so when I got the email just an hour later from my husband that he had gotten promoted to Captain I did my best to put on my game face and email him back huge congrats while I was still fighting back emotions from the fight earlier with my teen. But my initial thoughts weren’t so pretty…cuz I suck like that sometimes.
My initial thoughts were “of course you got promoted, you go off and do everything required and then some for the Army while I am at home with the kids managing on my own, dealing with mornings like this so you can progress in your career and I am tired of being last, tired of being alone, tired of raising this family by myself, I miss running, I miss my friends, I miss US.” And then I sat in my office and cried. Happy tears for him, sad tears for me that I think so selfishly sometimes. But I’ve always done what’s required of me. First for 20 years for my country, and now, the last 5 1/2 years I’ve put any career aspirations on hold for my family. And every now and then, those thoughts come up and the resentment creeps up, and I wonder…will my time every come, or is my destiny to sit in the back seat? Cuz I really don’t enjoy it back here most days.
So, to turn my mood around I texted my teen trying to reconcile our argument with less than successful results but we are at least talking. I also made sure to go and tell ALL my coworkers of my husband’s promotion to celebrate the occasion which always makes me feel better. I really AM so happy and excited for him despite my little moment. My emotions have just been out of whack due to very little communication with him, so when you add on a fight with my teen I suppose I deserve a little break. At least I recognized it quick, and have moved on from it.
But in all honestly, deployment hardships are very real. This isn’t a business trip to Tahoe, or a conference in San Diego for a few days. This is a year long deployment and I think we’ve experienced every emotion possible. I say this, to remind myself I deserve a little slack to, ya know?
So here’s a shout out to all my fellow Army wives, keeping it real and getting it done-every darn day, and a shout out to my hubby for never giving up on his dreams and getting his well deserved promotion.
How do you turn a bad moment around? Ever have to put on your happy face for someone else despite being in a horrible mood yourself?
Holidays, birthdays, special days in general are tough for us. There’s no “stop time” button when it comes to deployment. So we keep on keeping on. Jordyn had piano lessons tonight and Sophia had ballet. (oh and the dog decided to roll in skunk pooh! Lol) I have to juggle all this with a full time job. So when Jordyn said let’s just grab Buona beef for dinner I was all about it. As we ate our meal, I noticed the couple at the table next to us. The man had a Vietnam veteran cap and veteran tee shirt on and I couldn’t help but to get tears in my eyes. I thought of my dad, Bob and my husband, Brian who selflessly serve our country. After our meal I walked over and put my hand on this man’s shoulder and outstretched my hand in thanks. He and his wife smiled from ear to ear as I thanked him for his service and explained that my Dad and husband have served. While our world is in a current state of crazy it felt so good to focus on thanks and giving back. So thank someone, remind people they make a difference and be the change you want to see in this world. #mytwocents
I’m not sure why this week was harder than many others. Maybe it’s seeing my kids on their first day of school so happy, yet in the back of my mind my heart ached knowing my husband was missing yet another moment. Maybe it was the heartache and stress of being called at work by the school nurse on the second day of school because my mini was sick with strep throat. Maybe it’s having weekend duty this weekend and all the yuck that comes with it.
Or maybe I just miss him. For those that don’t know what it’s like to have your spouse deployed I’d say this poster from 11:11 Awakening Code sums it up perfectly. I pray I continue to have said courage because this week it took everything I had not to literally scream and cry for no apparent reason other than I just don’t want to do this anymore. But I have to, don’t I?
I’m sure praying that this heavy heart gets a little lighter for me this week. I didn’t get to run all week so I’m guessing that was the nail in the coffin so to speak.
Ok this post really isn’t about a lot, but I just needed to get it off my chest. #deploymentsucks
How do you turn a bad mood around? Ever have a bad week for no specific reason?
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