So just when I thought I had it all figured out, well, yeah…I was reminded that I’m only human. My husband is set to leave in the beginning of March. For an entire year. He’s been on orders (training) full time for the last 3 weeks straight. As in up at 4 A.M. for work and home just before 8 P.M. most nights. But what was saving me is that we’d at least have February to spend together as a family before he leaves. He’d go back to a regular-ish work week, and we’d see him at least a couple of the weekends in February. We’d have time to recharge before he leaves in March.
Today I got the news that he had a lot of travel in February to prepare for the deployment. As in the first 3 weeks of February, he would be traveling. REALLY? After several tears, and even more F-bombs, it got me thinking about the many stages of deployment. I thought I’d share a few that have rang true with me through the many years of being an Army wife.
Sadness…as in, my chest feels as if a 10 ton elephant is sitting on my heart and squeezing the life out of my soul. Ok, that’s a bit extensive, but total true story.
Fear…fear of the unknown for both me and my girls, and for my husband and his soldiers. Every. Single. Day. I will fear for his life, and nothing can change that fear.
Anger…even resentment for the passion he has for the Army, and the fact that his passion takes him away from his family, and puts himself in harms way. More so, anger towards the Army for taking him away from me so often. And I’ll admit that’s one of the toughest stages to deal with on a daily basis.
And lastly…but most importantly…PRIDE…because all the sadness, fear, anger, and every other emotion in the world can’t be topped with pride. For this man, MY husband, is protecting our country (and our country is in a pretty sad state these days), and for that, I need to be grateful , proud, and thankful. Because there aren’t many people out there anymore, that are willing to sacrifice their lives.
So while today I reminded him how much I think this FU@#%&*! sucks, and that I have NO idea how I would get through this without him, I am still so darn proud of him. I may or may not have a good cry in the shower, and I lost it at work today which I try to NEVER do, but man, I will keep telling myself that I WILL get through this. I’ve got no other choice, right?
Thanks for all of the continued thoughts and prayers. This year will be life changing for sure.
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