Deployment thoughts, Uncategorized

The many stages of deployment

So just when I thought I had it all figured out, well, yeah…I was reminded that I’m only human.  My husband is set to leave in the beginning of March. For an entire year. He’s been on orders (training) full time for the last 3 weeks straight.  As in up at 4 A.M. for work and home just before 8 P.M. most nights. But what was saving me is that we’d at least have February to spend together as a family before he leaves.  He’d go back to a regular-ish work week, and we’d see him at least a couple of the weekends in February.  We’d have time to recharge before he leaves in March.


Or not. 


Today I got the news that he had a lot of travel in February to prepare for the deployment.  As in the first 3 weeks of February, he would be traveling.  REALLY? After several tears, and even more F-bombs, it got me thinking about the many stages of deployment.  I thought I’d share a few that have rang true with me through the many years of being an Army wife.

Sadness…as in, my chest feels as if a 10 ton elephant is sitting on my heart and squeezing the life out of my soul.  Ok, that’s a bit extensive, but total true story.

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Fear…fear of the unknown for both me and my girls, and for my husband and his soldiers.  Every. Single. Day. I will fear for his life, and nothing can change that fear.

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Anger…even resentment for the passion he has for the Army, and the fact that his passion takes him away from his family, and puts himself in harms way. More so, anger towards the Army for taking him away from me so often.  And I’ll admit that’s one of the toughest stages to deal with on a daily basis.

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And lastly…but most importantly…PRIDE…because all the sadness, fear, anger, and every other emotion in the world can’t be topped with pride.  For this man, MY husband, is protecting our country (and our country is in a pretty sad state these days), and for that, I need to be grateful , proud, and thankful. Because there aren’t many people out there anymore, that are willing to sacrifice their lives.

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So while today I reminded him how much I think this FU@#%&*! sucks, and that I have NO idea how I would get through this without him, I am still so darn proud of him.  I may or may not have a good cry in the shower, and I lost it at work today which I try to NEVER do, but man, I will keep telling myself that I WILL get through this.  I’ve got no other choice, right?

Thanks for all of the continued thoughts and prayers.  This year will be life changing for sure.

How do you deal with difficult situations, or family separations?



50 thoughts on “The many stages of deployment”

  1. I’m so sorry. I don’t have anything other than I’m here. Forever and always. I love you. I won’t mince words, it does suck and I’m so sorry that this is happening but I’m so proud of you and of Brian for protecting our freedom.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I started reading this I was afraid it was going to be something like that. Damn! I have a lump in my throat for all of you right now. I’m so, so sorry the plans changed. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for all of you, every day. Sending many prayers, and hugs, your way Michelle. May God keep Brian and everyone safe. I love you bunches! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I skip the tears and the fear and jump straight to anger. I think angry is the way I express sadness and fear. It sucks so much that you’re not going to get the February you were expecting but you’re going to get through it. Once you’ve been through this emotional roller coaster and accepted it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Michelle, I feel all of that pain and emotion with you and know there are feelings on his side that make togetherness also difficult. It sucks. It F’ing sucks a$$. I got your back Mama. Whatever you need. My hubs and I are here for you and your kids. Whatever. Nothing is too big to ask. Love U!


  5. That sucks! Sending prayers your way. As a single parent (a long time ago) I remember the long days and lonliness, I found strength in my faith in God to get me through the days. But there are no words other than it sucks… and thank you for your sacrifice sharing your husband with the USA protecting us!


  6. I’m so sorry Michelle. Deployment is bad enough. To have the rug pulled out from under you for the last month before he leaves, totally sucks. I’m glad you wrote it all out. Vent away. Here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you both for your service. I know he is the one who is leaving but you are also fighting right along beside him. I can’t imagine what it’s like for both of you. I consider both of you heroes. He couldn’t do what he does without you. My heart is aching right along with yours. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. But you know what comes at the end of all of these stages? Peace. You just have to get there. But know that peace, and his return, comes at the end.
    And while you are dealing with it. we are all here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sorry to hear of the change Michelle…my heartfelt prayers are with you and the girls during these difficult times…and with your hubby’s safety…we’ll all be here for you – sending good thoughts and listening to your venting with welcoming ears – Stay strong girlfriend! xoxoxo 🙂


    1. Thanks, Wendy. I really thought I had digested the whole thing, accepted it, etc. But this news, and seeing how ‘mentally gone’ he is already has just put me back a few steps. I’ll take those hugs, and the shoulder. Seems all I can do is cry these days.


  10. Ugh. What a shitty surprise.

    Thanks for sharing these feelings. I’d forgotten some of these since it had been so long since my ex had left the army. Anger, resentment, annoyance, sadness, pride, anxiety… Hard to describe that build up to their departure. And you have to do the worrying for you and your daughters. Felt like the army owned us basically. I’m grateful for the experience but I was so glad when he was done serving his time. I feel selfish saying that but after 20 yrs, you feel like someone else – a new younger version – should be stepping in now to do their part. I can only imagine what you guys have sacrificed. We appreciate it. ❤️ Hope you guys have wonderful quality time before he deploys. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I appreciate what you and your family has had to sacrifice for the safety of our country. You and your husband are very brave people. I can’t imagine the fear you feel when he is away, not knowing whether he will come back. It’s brave people like you all who make this a great country!


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