Deployment thoughts, Uncategorized

The many stages of deployment

So just when I thought I had it all figured out, well, yeah…I was reminded that I’m only human.  My husband is set to leave in the beginning of March. For an entire year. He’s been on orders (training) full time for the last 3 weeks straight.  As in up at 4 A.M. for work and home just before 8 P.M. most nights. But what was saving me is that we’d at least have February to spend together as a family before he leaves.  He’d go back to a regular-ish work week, and we’d see him at least a couple of the weekends in February.  We’d have time to recharge before he leaves in March.


Or not. 


Today I got the news that he had a lot of travel in February to prepare for the deployment.  As in the first 3 weeks of February, he would be traveling.  REALLY? After several tears, and even more F-bombs, it got me thinking about the many stages of deployment.  I thought I’d share a few that have rang true with me through the many years of being an Army wife.

Sadness…as in, my chest feels as if a 10 ton elephant is sitting on my heart and squeezing the life out of my soul.  Ok, that’s a bit extensive, but total true story.

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Fear…fear of the unknown for both me and my girls, and for my husband and his soldiers.  Every. Single. Day. I will fear for his life, and nothing can change that fear.

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Anger…even resentment for the passion he has for the Army, and the fact that his passion takes him away from his family, and puts himself in harms way. More so, anger towards the Army for taking him away from me so often.  And I’ll admit that’s one of the toughest stages to deal with on a daily basis.

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And lastly…but most importantly…PRIDE…because all the sadness, fear, anger, and every other emotion in the world can’t be topped with pride.  For this man, MY husband, is protecting our country (and our country is in a pretty sad state these days), and for that, I need to be grateful , proud, and thankful. Because there aren’t many people out there anymore, that are willing to sacrifice their lives.

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So while today I reminded him how much I think this FU@#%&*! sucks, and that I have NO idea how I would get through this without him, I am still so darn proud of him.  I may or may not have a good cry in the shower, and I lost it at work today which I try to NEVER do, but man, I will keep telling myself that I WILL get through this.  I’ve got no other choice, right?

Thanks for all of the continued thoughts and prayers.  This year will be life changing for sure.

How do you deal with difficult situations, or family separations?



weekend wrap up

Weekend wrap up and stuff

Well my writing/running/cooking streak came to an abrupt end when I woke up Thursday with a terrible headache/migraine.  This also sidelined my run, and when this happens a dark cloud likes to hang over my head…such is Midwestern life in the winter, at least for this runner.

Knowing I wasn’t feeling myself, my hubby brought me THESE beauties to cheer me up.

Flowers for no reason?  Yes please...
Flowers for no reason? Yes please…

See, he is leaving (now has left) for the better part of the next 3 weeks which leaves me in charge of not only my job, but managing my kids, the house, the kids activities and my sanity.  No easy feat, let me tell ya…I’ve done it a million times before, but sadly it never gets easier.  Maybe because he really is my best friend, through and through, so being apart from him leaves me feeling low.  I don’t need someone in my life to make me happy, don’t get me wrong…but the select few humans I’ve chosen to keep near are a part of me-people I WANT in my life.  My people…so now that my #1 person is far away, well, let’s just say I saw him off at 4:30 a.m. and several tears were shed.

Also, every time I see him off, I am reminded back to a time when I saw him off to war.  This was a time when war meant you may never see your loved one again.  And every time he walks out the door, I have to swallow the lump in my throat.  My life just doesn’t work without him in it…Ok sorry, babbling over.  He is gone, and time to suck it up…lol

I woke up with yet another headache brought on from tears I am sure, so when I got a text from my virtual RBF Maria asking if I wanted to run, I almost said no.  But I didn’t say no…I drank some water, washed my face, and changed clothes to run on the ‘Mill.  I only ran 2 miles, but it definitely helped turn my morning around.

2.2 miles and my #Plankchallenge to start my day!
2.2 miles and my #Plankchallenge to start my day!

Lastly, I took my mini-persons to see the movie “Into the Woods” today, and we enjoyed it.  A bit drawn out, but I am guessing live this show is amazing.

Aren't we cute?  LOL
Aren’t we cute? LOL

With that, I’ve prepared snacks and helped the kids prepare for the week.  Ballet outfits are washed, school papers signed, and Valentines filled out for my mini-me who has a party this week.  The trash cans are even taken to the curb.  Go me, LOL!

My goal is short term this week, as I pray to just make it through Sunday because I also am working all weekend.  The hubs will be home Saturday afternoon, but turns around and leaves again shortly there after.  Weekend duty is always my nemesis, so wish me luck!


Questions!  How was your weekend?  Does your spouse travel for work/military?  What was the last movie you saw?

Have a great week, y’all!

❤ Michelle