I promise I’ve not fallen off the face of the planet. I’m still here…sorta. I haven’t worked out once this week, and cooking has been minimal at best. You see, Monday it hit me like a 10,000 ton of bricks, that my time with my husband is nearing the end. When someone asked me yesterday when he was leaving, and my answer was, “In just under 2 weeks,” I found myself choking back a sob or 10. Ok, more like 10,000,000 but who’s counting?
My days of thinking I could do it all have long since been laid to rest, and now all I can do is force myself to go to bed at night, and then make myself get up for work in the morning. I am tired. All. The. Time. Being this emotionally drained feels more like I’ve ran 10 marathons vs. dealing with deployment fears. Give me the marathon any day!
I am not ready to say goodbye to this man, MY PERSON, the one person who gets me and has stuck by my side for what feels like an eternity. While friends have come and gone over the decades, my husband, MY BEST FRIEND, has continued to love me even when hating me would be so much easier. Trust me, I’m not the easiest person to love. I am moody, emotional, self-loathing, and harder on myself than I need to be on a daily basis.
Yet he loves me. And he gets my jokes. We say the same things at the same time, we know, always, what the other is thinking and feeling. And the thought of dropping him off to get on plane to go terrible-ville in just over a week makes my chest physically hurt. #ijustcant
So I don’t know what I will write, or when I will run or how I will spark my creative juices in the next week or so. I only know that I need to somehow keep it together, for my daughters because they need me. And I need them too.
I hope to be back at blogging once life falls into some sort of routine, but this next week I need to hang on to all the moments. I’ll be taking lots of pictures this weekend (my folks are coming to town) and over the next week in hopes to hang on to every single moment.
Until then, I’ll keep movin’ forward, even if its at a snails pace.
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