After thinking about my last post, I started focusing on the word STRENGTH. You know, people have always told me how strong I am, having been through more battles than most can dream of. I knew 2016 wouldn’t be a year that would focus on goals, or resolutions as some make with each new year. My goal would to get through this year with smiles, my sanity, and strength.
I’ve always prided myself as a mentally strong woman. I wasn’t always so, but years of practice tacking obstacles and struggles have proven to be on my side, because I just. don’t. quit.
In fact, when I resigned from the first civilian job I had back in 2013, I realized it was truly one of the first things I’d ever “quit” because I don’t count my divorce as quitting, I count that one as life saving. But I digress…
So two weeks ago, I decided it was time to start getting stronger physically. I downloaded the Tracy Anderson Transformation I series on our XBOX 1 and I am in a deep love/hate relationship with these 30 minute workouts. 1. They KICK MY BUTT, and there are burpees. YUCK. Yet…2. I am already seeing results just after the second week of doing the strength/muscle workouts 2-3 times per week, and the cardio workouts 2 times each week.
Amazing.
My arms are really getting their definition back! YAY!
I’m now officially down 8 lbs. from this time last year, and I am feeling stronger every day.
With this being my first “official” week of marathon training, I’ll hit the roads for 6 miles on Sunday. And I WON’T eat. ALL. the. FOOD. afterwards, LOL!!
I still get choked up, every single day thinking about the next year. I am often brought to tears immediately when I see a commercial, or hear a song when it talks of our countries soldiers.
Pic cred from the Vampire Diaries
But that doesn’t mean I not still getting stronger. And I will continue this physical AND mental journey, one step at a time and I PRAY, I come out on top.
A lot of people have asked me how things are going in regards to my husband’s upcoming deployment. At work, I keep on my game face most days, and I have really learned to hold it together for the most part. At home, I can’t always say the same.
The truth is, the pre-deployment phase is almost worse than the deployment itself. A million thoughts go through my head as I watch my husband mentally exit more and more every day. I see the worried look on his face as he stares off in to space, and I see the tiredness compounding in his furrowed brow and blood shot eyes. We’ve got just shy of 6 weeks to go, and just yesterday it seemed like I was saying he was leaving in 4 months. Will the time go by just as quickly when he’s gone? Probably not, but I sure can hope.
I question whether or not my teenage daughter and I will get through this year, to be honest. For the last few weeks, things have actually been pretty great…and in honor of her privacy, I’ll just say last night we had one of our infamous blowouts. You know, the kind that leave you feeling like you’ve been punched in the throat? Yup…one of those. But my husband was there, as always, to mediate. He’s always been so great at being our middle man, our “let’s hash this SH&%!” guy…what will we do when he’s not here, and hormones are flying? Lord help us, truly.
Despite the fact that I know I am strong, and I know I will get through this, I honestly don’t want to hear that sentence from ONE MORE person. I really don’t. I’m sorry if that sounds mean and I appreciate the fact people think I am strong, but instead let’s sit down and talk about how bad this freaking sucks, or as my husband admits, “I’m sorry for the hell I’m putting you through.” Let’s share a glass of wine, and talk about how we’ve got each other’s backs as friends/family and a reminder of “I’m here for you” would be wonderful. Because isn’t that what friends and family are for? To get through the hard SH&%# together? I sure think so…
What am I going to do about the fact that this truly sucks? I’m going to take care of ME, so I can better take care of my kids. I’ve started taking more time on my physical appearance, actually taking time on my make up in the morning, picking out nice outfits to wear for work, etc. I started doing this a few weeks ago, and it’s amazing how much of a difference it makes I’ve found. Even my coworkers noticed, asking me why I am dressing up more…I smiled and said, “If I look pretty on the outside, maybe it’ll cheer me up on the inside,” and I think it’s working, a little…
So this weekend I will (I hope) get out on the roads/trails and get my first official long run in of 6 miles. To keep mentally sane through all of this, I’ve been working out a lot at home (Tracy Anderson Transformation videos) , planking, and treadmilling when needed. I can happily report that between stress-haha, a healthy diet, and consistent working out, I have lost nearly all of my marathon weight from last year. My goal this year is to NOT gain weight during training, if I do decide to stick with the full.
Third work out this week!!!
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words during this difficult time. I am so glad I decided to keep the blog going while my hubby is gone, and appreciate the support and prayers. And guess what? My teen just came up to me and gave me a hug, saying she was sorry for yesterday. I hugged her tight, and told her I was sorry too…#allthefeels
So today I did it…I bit the bullet and printed out my faithful Hal Higdon full marathon training plan. I am still on the fence about running a full with my husband deploying, but after night’s like tonight with my teen, I think I may have some mama drama that will need to be left on the trails this next year. I asked my husband if he could pack up one of us to deploy with him, but that doesn’t seem to be an option. Lord help us this next year, LOL…
I already have a good base with 6-7 miles done easy, so I have some time to decide. We shall see…
Tomorrow we are having a “healthy food” potluck at work, so I decided to make my roasted broccoli and quinoa salad. This salad is SO easy that I made it WHILE cooking dinner tonight.
Ingredients:
2 bags of your favorite quinoa, I use a brown rice/quinoa mix-cook according to package directions
2 cups of roasted broccoli-season with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder and roast at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes or until the edges are nice and golden brown
2-3 green onions chopped at a diagonal
The zest of one lemon
1/4 cup of gruyere cheese (I prefer mild), cut in small cubes
1 teaspoon of organic apple cider vinegar
1 cup of toasted pecans
Mix all ingredients well, and finish with a drizzle of extra virgin olive oil and a pinch of salt.
My healthy dish is ready!
What’s your favorite healthy dish to pass for potlucks at work or with family? What’s your best release for teenage girl drama?
Since this wrap up is focused on my birthday weekend, I wanted to start this post out in the most positive of lights. I took Friday off from work, because, well, I needed a day off to rest and regroup. I don’t take enough time off, and soon I will be on full time work AND single Mom duty. These jobs aren’t for the faint of heart, so I am doing what I can to take care of ME before I run out of gas.
We started the weekend out by going out for lunch to one of our favorite casual places, California Pizza Kitchen. We followed that up with errands to Costco, getting my Jeep’s oil change and the tires rotated, and picking up dog food for Sammy. Yup, I lifted that. LOL!
Aren’t they pretty?Costco Churros, rock!hehe, feelin’ strong!
Friday afternoon, I downloaded the Tracy Anderson workout series on our XBOX and it totally kicked our butts. I took the rest of the weekend off from working out, but look forward to continuing with the series.
Friday night was just spent cleaning, and putting together my youngest daughter’s American Girl doll high chair that I got her for Christmas, but forgot I got for her, so it ended up being a late present, LOL! My brain is obviously in a million places.
We got this!There is always time to be silly!
Saturday was more cleaning, and more errands and even better, a GREAT surprise from my tribe! They showed up at my door, 5 of my amazing friends AND my sister with flowers, food, wine AND cake. I was beaming with happiness. My husband even arrived home at around 7:30 to help celebrate despite being exhausted. It felt so wonderful to be remembered. I love my tribe.
We love being silly!Several members of my tribe!! ❤
My birthday was a quiet day starting out with breakfast in bed made by my daughters, and I almost canceled my massage appointment with temps below 0 degrees, and a windchill in the minus teens.
Breakfast is always best when cooked by your daughters!
I am so glad I decided to go, because my back that is full of more knots than my youngest daughter’s hair, was so relaxed afterwards. I spent the rest of the day with my daughters, relaxing in our jammies on the couch. The only thing missing was my hubby. Here goes the not so positive part of this post… He got home from training really late, and all he could do was hug me tight, apologizing for missing the majority of my birthday. I responded by burying myself in to his chest, and quietly sobbed trying to hold myself together. This was one of those moments where I question myself, and my ability to do all the hard things. Because at that very moment all I wanted to do was curl up in to a little ball and cry for hours.
So happy my hubby made it to the party!
But then I am reminded, by my parents, sister, and friends that they are here for me always. They SHOW me they are here for me, and I just can’t even describe how blessed that makes me feel.
My husband deploying (for the second time) is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and trust me, I’ve been through a lot of hard things. In 6 weeks I’ll have to say my goodbyes to the man I call my very best friend. The one I laugh with, cry with, act goofy with, and spend my life with, and for a year I will be without all of those things I love most about him.
But I’ve got my tribe. More so, they’ve got me/my back. And I need to remember that fact, always.
So here’s to the age of 43, and 2016. May this year go by smoothly, and quickly. ❤ I apologize for my lack of posting, but I am really trying to step back this year and focus on my family. For they are what matters most. I hope to continue to post at least weekly, but time will tell. Thanks to all of those who’ve joined me on my #keepmovinforward journey.
I’m linking up with Holly and Tricia again, for the Weekly wrap up!
How do you celebrate your birthday? Do you prefer quiet parties at home, or would you rather go out?
This morning started out a little rocky. I woke up from a terrible nightmare as my husband reached to kiss me goodbye this morning WAY before the birds (or anyone else for that matter) were awake. I laid in bed, practicing my deep calm breaths as my heart raced a million miles per hour. Would he be ok over this next year? Will the Nanny’s first day go well? How can I help my 16 year old cope with, well, being 16? Ugh…
Several deep breaths later, I was up and getting ready for work. The Nanny arrived promptly on time, and everything went quite well for our discombobulated first morning. She texted me as soon as my little got on the bus, and I sighed a HUGE sigh of relief. I had a busy day at work, but was in awe of how many times I smiled, and was reminded of how far I’ve come in life. It really is true. You control your mood, no one else. #learninglessonseveryday
I drove home from work in a crazy snow storm, picked up my little from after school care, and we headed to Home Depot. See, our front light went out, we were out of sidewalk salt, and my daughter’s bathroom toilet lid broke right off. Guess since it was the original one from 1989, it was time to replace it. These are ALL things my husband normally takes care of. Although he isn’t handy, he does do all the hard things that I haven’t had to do in over a decade usually. Yet it’s time I figure out how to be on my own again, and do all the hard things.
As I lifted the huge bag of salt from my Jeep, I reminded myself that I CAN and WILL do this and be stronger for it.
My mini and I cooked our version of Jambalaya for dinner in preparation for an evening of shoveling out above said snow, and here’s a quick recipe.
Jambalaya Ingredients
4 links of pre-cooked chicken sausage, sliced into coin shapes
1 cup of precooked shrimp, chopped into small pieces
1 large can of crushed red tomatoes (use the spicy ones for added kick) with the juice
1 can of black beans, strained
2 stalks of celery, chopped
2 small white onions (or one large), diced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
Creole seasoning to taste, salt, pepper, and chives
Fresh chopped Parsley to garnish
In a deep sauté pan heat 2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil, and sauté the garlic, onions and celery until slightly tender. Add in the tomatoes and beans, and simmer for 20 minutes. Add in the chicken sausage and shrimp until heated through, and serve over your favorite rice or quinoa. I used a brown rice quinoa blend that I cooked according to the package instructions. I even had a little help from my mini.
Not sure which sparkles more, her eyes, or this dress? ❤Dinner is served! Healthy AND Delish!
As we cleaned up the table, I got a text from one of my newest neighbors. She told me her husband has a landscaping business, and plows in the winter. Would I like him to plow my driveway? I broke down crying, and thanked God for all he’s blessed me with through this deployment preparation. He came over to plow, and I thanked him profusely as the temps are dropping, and I now only had to shovel my sidewalk and salt.
BRRRRRRR
Next it was time to fix that darn toilet seat. And who took the lead? Yup…my 16 year old. With a little help from Sammy…LOL!
“Mommy can I help? Or can I at least lick your face?”
Girl power! We did it!
My oldest asked if she could talk to me. I froze. What’s wrong? She confided in me that she’s been struggling with feeling happy, and I was catapulted back to 10th grade. I told her WE would get through this, and I would help her in any way I can to learn to find happiness even in the toughest of times. And I was just so darn touched and honored that SHE CAME TO ME. #allthetears
My hubby just got home from a very long day of training, so I think it’s time to wrap this post up. But here’s your reminder, that we can ALL do the hard things, if WE believe we can.
Do you have a handy spouse? What’s the hardest thing you’ve done lately?
So it’s no surprise that I want to be a Chef one day. I want to own my own restaurant, and I want to create food that makes people close their eyes, look up to the sky, and SMILE. I’m not in it for fame, or fortune. I simply want to make people feel good through the passion I put in to my food.
Over the years I’ve studied my craft, and am always trying to learn new techniques. We’ve sous vide steak twice, and salmon once and LOVED how tender and moist the meat turns out.
Tonight’s Sunday supper was a surf and turf (I’ll describe the turf in a second) theme, with a Rib eye that I seasoned with salt, pepper, and BACON salt and I sous vide cooked it for 55 minutes, and then pan seared it to add color.
I also made a sweet potato stack, seasoned with salt, pepper, smoked paprika and parmesan cheese. Peel and cut the sweet potato in to 1/2 inch disks, toss with the above seasonings, and bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.
My ‘turf’ was a shrimp salad with toasted walnuts, sweet pomegranates, peppery radishes and a watercress vinaigrette.
For the vinaigrette, blanch 2 bunches of watercress in boiling water for 5 minutes, and transfer to an ice bath to stop the cooking. Transfer to a food processor, add 1/2 cup of lemon juice, 1 clove of minced garlic, 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil, and a pinch of salt and pepper. Puree, strain, and chill before serving.
Mise en place for the ‘turf!’
And last, but surely not least, the BACON FOAM!!!!
Simmer 2 cups of milk, and sauté 3 strips of bacon. Add the bacon to the milk and let simmer for 20 minutes.
simmer for 20 minutes
strain off bacon/grease
Then….well I made FOAM!!
I got this super cool present for Christmas.
Ladies and gentlemen, dinner, is served!
I topped the sweet potato stack, with the bacon foam, and it was SOOO GOOD!!
And that my friends, is a wrap. What’s your favorite dish? Do you like to step outside the box and try new things?
It’s gotten too cold outside for me to run the last couple days, so I decided to warm up with some cooking! Especially after having to shovel snow when it’s a real feel of 5 degrees outside. Yup. FIVE. I will say, though, that I am in awe of my 16 year old who offered out of the blue to help me shovel? WHAT? I am still picking my jaw up off the groud. LOL!!
First, we’ll start with meatballs and spinach fettuccini (you can use whatever noodle you prefer). While I don’t make the pasta myself, I do buy fresh made from my local grocery store. I also take a little help with the marinara sauce by letting it simmer and adding some fresh herbs, crushed red pepper flakes, and garlic to give it a little more depth.
Meatballs
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
1 lb. of ground pork and 1 lb. of lean ground beef
1 cup of Italian bread crumbs
1 cup of grated parmesan cheese (use fresh if possible)
1/4 cup of fresh chopped Italian parsley
pinch of salt, pepper, red pepper flakes and Italian herb mix (Approximately 1 tablespoon each, to taste)
3 eggs
1/8 cup of extra virgin olive oil
Combine all ingredients and roll in to small golf ball size balls and place on a sheet tray that has been lined with parchment paper.
Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.
Take a jar of GOOD marinara sauce (you know, the good stuff small markets make that don’t have all the added preservatives to it) and put into a wide, deep sauté pan. Turn on LOW, and let simmer. Add in fresh herbs, garlic, and red pepper flakes and cook on low for 20 minutes. Once the meatballs are done, add them to the sauce and let simmer for an additional 20 minutes. Cook your pasta according to package directions, and toss in your marinara sauce before serving!
Enjoy!!!!
What’s your favorite pasta dish? Today I am linking up with Holly and Tricia for the weekly wrap up!!!
I hope everyone has a great week! Things are getting REAL around here, with my hubby’s deployment training starting full speed tomorrow lasting the next 21 days. Our Nanny starts tomorrow, and I pray it will be a smooth transition for us all!
I have battled with depression for more than half my life. Those of you that have been following along for a while, know that for most of my adult life I had taken depression medication. In fact, my distance running career started partly because I had hit rock bottom, and I HAD to pull myself back up for me AND my family. So in 2007 I decided in late September that I was going to run my first half marathon just 7 weeks later. I trained for this race while working full time, going to school for my Bachelors degree AND studying for promotion. Did I mention I had an 8 year old and a 1 year old daughter to care for too? LOL. Most said I was nuts, but deep down I knew I’d go completely nuts if I didn’t escape to the roads to train. I finished said half marathon in 2:19, and I had never been more proud of myself other than the day I graduated basic training. I DID it. I didn’t quit. I didn’t give up. And my husband was there, cheering me on the entire time.
Several years later, in 2012, I would finally complete my goal of finishing my first full marathon, and I did so with my sister by my side. Another very proud and amazing moment that I will never forget. I also haven’t taken any depression medicine since 2012, and I keep movin’ forward and feel better for it.
What does all this mean? Well, running has truly saved me more times than I can count. Why? How?
Well, I saw myself pulling back from my friends and family again here recently. I just wanted to go to work, come home, and curl up on the couch and forget that with each passing day, it meant a day closer to when my husband leaves. But a few weeks ago I decided I was going to accept an invitation from my friends and start running with them on Tuesday evenings. I was going to GET OUT OF THE DARN HOUSE and do something just for me. This last Tuesday as I was running and chatting with one of my very dear friends, we spoke of depression and different times in our lives that we battled this yucky disease. She spoke of a time where she stopped doing all the things she loved, and she became introverted and just wanted to be alone.
And a light bulb went instantly ON. I was doing this. I was declining invitations, not doing the things I enjoyed, and I was avoiding my friends.
So last night after work, I took my youngest shopping (I normally HATE stopping anywhere after work) at Target, threw in a couple CPK frozen pizzas in the oven, and treated myself to a MUCH needed massage. I hadn’t had one since June, and it was long over due. The point, is that I did something for me FINALLY. I’m not one of those women who gets her hair done at a nice place, or manicures/pedicures unless it’s a special occasion. I honestly don’t do hardly anything for ME, and it’s gotta stop. Because here soon, it’s going to be ALL me, and I better MAKE time to recharge.
I feel better today, better than I have in quite some time. I know some pretty amazing people have my back, and that helps lighten the load tremendously. And I’ve got hope…barrels and barrels of hope and faith, that my husband will return home safely, and that our family will be even stronger through all of this.
source: Giphy.com
Questions: What’s your go-to stress reliever? Have you or any of your family members dealt with depression?
As I talked about in my last post, I have always been a fan of New Years. This New Year’s started out with a killer migraine on NYE and as the day progressed, so did my headache. Thankfully I was able to cut out of work an hour early, and take a much needed nap with a Motrin cocktail in tow. We spent the evening with our dear friends who are also neighbors, and I am proud to say I stayed awake until after 1 a.m., LOL!
I woke up rather late on New Year’s day, and immediately felt a sinking sadness looming in my chest. I cried, most of the morning, and then decided I needed a nap because I was over tired and over emotional, and I cried myself to sleep. I am going to miss my husband, more than I can even say in words. (Sorry, broken record, I know…)
He always makes me smile
Thankfully, I woke up feeling much better. We spent the rest of the weekend cleaning, putting Christmas away, and cleaning some more. My house was immaculate, and I was at peace. We had an interview with a nanny on Sunday, and it went GREAT. She starts next Monday, and this is a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. I still don’t know how I am going to #doallthethingsallbymyself but at least now one of those things is taken care of for me.
A big thumbs up for our new nanny!
So now, as the days fly by and the countdown to my husband’s departure ticks by I am thoughtful in my goals for this next year. My goal to PR the marathon distance will be sidelined, and my cookbook put off for probably another year (although I will still catalog my recipes on the blog) and I will be focusing on staying positive for my kids, smiling/laughing every day, and doing things I love with the people I love.
What are you plans for the New Year? Do you make resolutions/goals? Have you ever had to deal with a long term separation from your spouse?
I have always loved New Years. I love the thought of having a clean slate, a new start, an open book to start the year off. In the last several years we’ve celebrated the New Year with our dear friends that live next door to us, and we will be doing the same, this year.
I don’t do resolutions, but more so set mini-goals for myself. Last year I wanted to de-clutter my life, both in material items as well as spiritually. I was tired of being weighed down, and I can honestly say in this last year while I haven’t purged as many material items as I’d like , I have definitely let go of some internal and external demons I’d hung on to for far too long. My second goal of running a sub-2 half marathon was ALMOST achieved, but I was 11 seconds too slow. LOL, I can only laugh at it now. I’ll get it, eventually.
This New Year’s is a little different, however. I finally admitted to myself, and my Mom last night via text, that I am dreading the New Year. I suppose because it’s a reminder that my husband leaves in just a couple months, and that next New Years he won’t be here with us physically. And I’ve never NOT celebrated the New year without him since we’ve been married. And that breaks my heart, just a little more.
I do have an interview for a Nanny on Sunday, and the bonus is that she does light housekeeping. I pray we like her, and that she likes us, because this would be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders despite the dent it’ll cause to my pocket book.
With that, I wish you all a very Happy New Year!!!! Do you have goals or resolutions? How do you celebrate?
Third work out this week!!!
Movin' it with Michelle 