Moving forward on this Monday…

I wanted to be lazy today…revel in the fact that I only have 4 days left with my husband.  I wanted to just curl up on the recliner and have a nice conversation with my best friend.  Yet I walked in the door, and upon asking him what we were doing for dinner, he reminded me I needed to go to the gym.  I needed to stay motivated, and he supports me 100%.  I held my head in brief guilt, and knew he was right.  I stole a couple bites of food of my daughter’s plate, took my daily meds, and swiftly went upstairs to change into my work out clothes. 

He was right.

I can’t just wallow in the fact that he’s leaving and I’ll be on my own for a bit.  I can’t be sad that I don’t have his voice in the evening and hugs in the morning.  I need to pick myself up; stay motivated my last 4 weeks of class until I achieve my MBA, and KEEP RUNNING. 

I will work through the aches, strains, and quirks that my aging legs are giving me.  Because my parents taught me well.  Never quit.  Finish what you start.  And always, keep, going.  I have been through far too much in life to give up now.   I have goals, aspirations, and a passion that drives me to the bitter end.  I can’t stop now.

So this weekend we had our last HORAAH, and spent the weekend enjoying good food, our family, and even got things done around the house.  We were treated by our neighbors for a home cooked meal Sunday, wishing Brian well on his travels and schooling.  We truly are blessed.  Trials, tribulations, and the like set aside. 
I look a bit old here, but am happy..

So, tonight I went to the gym a bit begrudgingly.  But it was something I needed to do to release all the work stress, home, kids, BAH….I needed release.  I don’t have many friends near, and the close friends I do have are busy with their own lives so talking isn’t an option.  RUNNING is my release.  And so, I ran…only 3 miles, but with passion, heart, and driven desire that makes me want to be better person. 

And,

I surpassed my goal of 2 miles, with a happy 3 passionate miles.  Done on my own accord, and with strength I didn’t think lived within me anymore. 

Only 23 miles to go.  

Only ran twice this week…

I was only able to get in 2 runs this week, but managed to work in IT Band stretches 3 days, as well as some Wii work outs.  It’s a start right?
Been a rather rough week, knowing my husband leaves on Friday, but I’ve tried to channel my emotions with writing, school, and my workouts as in-frequent as they still are right now.  I know I’ll “get there” and I will get my issues worked out, but right now I am doing what I can to hang on to each moment with my husband before leaves.  I am trying to give him his space to play his computer games and wind down before he has so much stress put on his shoulders.  But I do find myself hugging him more often, wishing he was near, more often. 
With this added stress I too am trying to build bonds with my daughters as both are Daddy’s girls which adds to my weight while he is gone.  They “want” and “need” Daddy…so far I am just an afterthought and disciplinarian.  I hope to find a common balance while he is gone.

My little Sophia loves to go to the gym with me, so I look forward to giving her big sister some quiet time while we work out a few times a week.  Once spring hits in a couple months I will be back to running outside. 

I have four weeks left of school.  FOUR.  Four weeks and counting until I finish my Graduate degree, obtaining an MBA in Health care Management.  I started this schooling journey back when my eldest daughter was merely one years old…and I will finish it in her 12th year of life.  It has been a long and tiresome journey, but another I needed to complete no matter how many hours of sleep I lacked.  Once this journey is finished I will venture to my next which is training for this marathon.

My current goals are to get in shape and eat better before my “real” marathon journey begins in a few months.  I want to be able to run more than 3 miles without having to stop and walk, and I want to rid myself of aches and pains so that I can run with peace and joy.  That is my goal.  For today…

Why does a runner, run?

Sheer bliss found in the scenes of nature
Trees tower over head as if to wrap their branches
And arms around me
to push me forward
Feet rhythmically hit the road
With patterned breaths just so
Counting breaths
Knowing steps
Yet amongst this calculation comes peace
A rhythm so calming
It is as if a new born baby is being soothed
On their mother’s chest
Feeling
The pounding
The blood flowing with each given breath
Each taken step
Every muscle pulsed
THIS
Is running
Not for speed
Not for a medal
But for the sheer bliss of escape
although the world traveled to
Is known
Beloved
And cherished…
For as the sounds of my feet hit the ground
I find my heart beating in sync.
Because my heart knows I am not running away
But TO
A dream I’ve always envisioned.
Finishing…
Crossing that line
Breaking that barrier
No one can stop me now.
Battered legs, shattered knees
But wings that allow me
To flea
I will arrive at a destination only I can encompass
And I will always know the direction I must turn
Because this is my race
The reason, and
The season
In which I run.
FIT for Rest of Your Life

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