Deployment thoughts

Oops, I did it again…

I lost my smile…

One of the many reasons I have been struggling with the absence of my husband, is that he makes me smile, daily.  The very presence of him, calms me, motivates me, inspires me, etc.  When I say, he is my person…he really IS. I don’t have a female “Bestie” or “BFF” like most women do.  Sure, I have girl friends but they’ve all got their lives and their friends that they are much closer with so without my husband, I get pretty lonely to say the least.

I was having lunch with my sister on Friday and we were talking about how when my husband talks to his soldiers, the room instantly lights up and you can FEEL how they respond to him.  The inspiration in the air is tangible. He is a TRUE leader.  He is where he is meant to be in life.  And then it hit me.  Like a ton of bricks.  He does all that for our family too.  For the last 5 weeks, you can feel the void left in the house so strongly that sometimes I dread going home after work.

And that sucks.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO because I am tired of these sad, Debbie downer sad posts, I am going to make a list of things that make me smile.  Because I need to find my smile again.  My kids need me to find it, too.

SnapChat.  I made an account a while back, but didn’t understand the purpose of this app.  I mean, are you supposed to take selfies of yourself over and over and send them to people? I don’t like pictures of myself, so there’s that, too.  So after last week’s YUCK fest I invited my teen to join me for my youngest daughter’s dance class.  We had a little fun with SnapChat and by the end of the 1 1/2 hours we were laughing so hard tears were pouring down our faces.

Cute, right?
Like my facial expression? ROFL!!!

My sister.  Last week I wanted to literally hole myself up and just forget the world.  But she won’t let me, and for that I am forever grateful.  She lets me be me, with all my faults and is there for me always. She had my kids spend the weekend with her because 1. I am working all weekend again and that sucks for the kids, and 2. They sure could use a break from reality for a couple days.  #sistering


Seeing my husband’s face.  I’ve asked him to try and send pictures when he can.  Yesterday while I was working, I got this picture to brighten my day.


Support. Between my Mom and my sister checking on me several times each week, to one of the Army wives who texts me every day, along with my friend Andrea who also texts me every night (for the last 5 weeks nearly!!!) “NNT” which has always been our thing (Night Night Termite) when we talk, I feel so very blessed.  AND, I came home last Tuesday from work to find my neighbor had mowed my lawn!  How awesome is that?While I may not have a female “BFF” I do have a lot of people who make the time to show they care.

That’s love right there, LOL!!! ❤

Running!  Of course!  I ran twice last week, and am hoping to get a few miles in tomorrow since it’s my day off!  I have concluded that I don’t like the Brooks Launch 3’s as much as the 2’s.  The toe box is just a little different, and they don’t have that same airy feel.

Doesn't everyone lounge around the house in their old marathon running shoes?
Doesn’t everyone lounge around the house in their old marathon running shoes?

With that, I bid you all a happy weekend!  Tell me something that makes YOU smile?!  Ready, GO!

Cheers! ❤




Deployment thoughts, firsts, Uncategorized

Week 4…unfortunate firsts and lessons

In keeping with my “Tuesday firsts” post, I am forcing myself to write, and not give up on the goal I’ve set.


As you read yesterday, for the first time  last week, I visited the Art Institute of Chicago.  It was REALLY cool, and I love seeing all of the beautiful artwork and reading about the history of Van Gogh’s life.  Winning.  I also ran for the first time in over a week last night.  It was only 2 miles, and it was on the treadmill, but I ran!



Yet while last week was amazing, this week started out darn right terrible.  NOTE: If you are looking for an upbeat post, this isn’t it…But I do manage to end on a good note!!

I didn’t sleep Sunday night, yet made it through my work day with little residual damage having been so tired.  But during the day I had numerous texts, all from my teen telling me how horrible she felt.  Keep in mind, I am not a terrible Mom who isn’t compassionate about her child.  That statement couldn’t be farther from the truth.  But I AM keen to her past behavior and am well aware of her patterns.  Every. Single. TIME. My husband travels, she pulls this…she is too tired, has tummy issues, you name it…anything to NOT go to school.  It’s downright maddening because I already have SOOOOOOOOOOOO much on my plate.  SOOOO, we of course had a major blow out (not a first), and I can’t even repeat some of the things that were said.  Words hurt.  And you can’t erase them.  Just sayin’…

I am NOT doing so hot at this single Mom gig, I tell you that.  And last night, hearing my daughter scream how miserable I make her, multiple times, left me with the heaviest of hearts. So I cried. A lot.  Then I parked myself on the bathroom floor while my daughter took a shower, refusing to leave yet sadly wanting to run away as I heard her sob.

We mended things the best we could, but I did not sleep again last night.  She did not go to school. And our hearts, are still very heavy.  And for the first time in quite a while, I felt defeated.  Deflated.  And all the other bad D words you can think of.  I no longer believed I could do this.  And that made me feel like a failure.

Am I ruining my daughter’s spirit?  Ugh.  I just can’t.  I had my spirit ruined back when I was her age due to other circumstances, and it took me nearly 25 years to find it again…Please God, don’t let me be ruining her spirit. How am I going to get through this year?

Simply stated, I have to get through this year.  I am left with no choice but to have to keep going.  But for the first time I question our ability to get through this in one piece and without shattered spirits.  Numerous texts from my sister and Mom last night and today helped, and I can tell you had it not been for my sister, I probably would’ve been sent home today.  #sistering

And then I remember.  This is just one of the many phases of deployment.  Today, I am sad, heartbroken, tired, and feeling so very empty without my person.  But tomorrowtomorrow is a new day.  And I have to believe, I have to TRY to believe that I can do this, and do it without too many bumps and bruises. Last night I put in my green light bulb to support the soldiers who are deployed, and I prayed.  I prayed.  And I prayed some more.


Thankfully today, after a lot of talking and some rest, I think she’s feeling better and realizes she can’t keep repeated this pattern. #fingerscrossed

Tonight, I decided we needed some Portillos for dinner…because what is life without a good salad and French fries? #balanceright



Week 4/52….22 weeks until our halfway point.  Deep. Breaths.

How do you turn a bad situation around?  Any firsts you’d like to share?

Thanks for all of the amazing support!  Keep on Movin’ forward!

Cheers ❤