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Saturday Musings

Movin' it with Michelle

I haven’t blogged in over a week now.  I have been caught up in life and world events, and trying to just remove myself from the outside world to be honest.  The Oklahoma tragedy hit close to home as my best friend and her family lives there-and just nearly a year ago I was there on vacation enjoying the time of my life.  Now to see so much loss and heartache left me with a hole in my heart. 

I have spent the week latching on to my husband and kids, whether they liked it or not.  Funny to say, I am the black sheep of my own little family…the “un-fun” one, the disciplinarian, the one that everyone disagrees with in any given conversation.  But I love the 3 other people that make up my crazy little family dearly, so I concentrated on THEM this week, knowing so many have lost their loved ones in natural disasters and other tragedies in general recently. 

This morning I ran the “Soldier Field Ten miler” with some girls from my running group.  We had a nice time, but I’ll admit the vibe was weird, and I just felt ‘off.’  I ran my race, met back up with my running friends, and came straight home.  There was no real celebration of a ‘job well done’ so I simply tackled laundry and tried to nap between white and dark loads.  It’s hard when your family doesn’t ‘get’ why you run.  When they don’t show pride in your efforts, or want to cheer you on during races.  No, this is not why I run…but support sure would be nice. 

Back to the race…

I am odd in the fact that I cannot race and talk at the same time.  (My sister and friend Janel are the only two people I can run more than 10 miles with consecutively) So more times than not I am running alone in my races because I simply can’t hold a conversation at a race pace…but my friends and I all started together, yet after about the second mile we all split off.  Katy took off, I stayed in the middle, and Erin and Michelle were right behind me yet sadly I didn’t see them. 
 

I ran this race more in honor of Memorial Day.  I dug out my old Air Force physical training shorts, and wore them proudly for these ten miles. I got up at 4 a.m. and recalled 22 years ago when I did the same exact thing in basic training.   My knee, cooperated; thankfully.  I had small issues around mile 6-7, but simply needed a bit of fuel to get me through the last few miles.  I didn’t break the 9 minute mile mark, but I didn’t expect to either after having taken a week off to rest my knee.  I thankfully held strong, and seeing Soldier Field in the horizon brought me back to my first half marathon in San Antonio in 2007 where I ran into the stadium to finish…and yes…I got choked up.  Thankfully I still at least get emotional over my races.  Someone has to, right?  I finished in 1:34 which is an average pace (54% for the women this year) so I will succumb and be satisfied with remaining average. 
 

I have found my happy place in the 10-13.1 mile runs, and hope to increase my speed and endurance. 

I am trying to find peace with self-support and self-pride.  But simple said, it’s hard.  Cheering squads are always nice, right? 
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Friday

Movin' it with Michelle

5-17-13

Today marked my third week in a row of 6 day work weeks, and sadly it caught up to me…I am still not used to the hours, or the fumes that come with working in a histology lab and I was ‘un’welcomed today with a migraine.  I haven’t had a headache like this in almost 2 years, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I got home at 3 o’clock and immediately retired to my recliner to rest until 4 o’clock when I needed to go pick up my youngest from after school care.  Normally a bit of rest takes care of minor headaches, but this one was a doozy, and I had to drag myself up to go get S from daycare and get the girls fed and settled.  I poured myself into a hot shower with my youngest hoping that would ease the pressure on my neck, but no such luck.  Sadly, said headache resulted in S missing out on a cool play date, but hey…life goes on, right?  Mommy wasn’t right tonight.  Thankfully some meds, lots of water, and more rest gave me the relief I needed.  Workouts=nada…but tomorrow is a new day.

Today’s challenges:  My dog decided to roll around in raccoon poop.  Yup.  Full fledged rolling, which resulted in FULL FLEDGED STANK.  This set my migraine in a downward spiral, and I was blessed in the fact my oldest hosed him down outside while I picked up my youngest from school and picked up dinner.  Yea…we had Taco Bell.  Don’t judge.  I haven’t eaten Taco Bell in over a year. I needed some comfort food. LOL.  Diet restarts tomorrow. 

Tonight’s blah:  I miss my husband.  Am I werid in the fact that I actually LIKE spending time with the same guy for almost ten years now?  My house seems so empty when he’s not here…and today is our two year anniversary of being in our ‘dream home’ in St. Charles, IL.  After all is said and done, people coming and going, he has remained my constant in life…he may not understand everything I do, but in the end he’s there for me when I need him…be it physically or mentally. 
 

Lastly…sometimes we feel discombobulated.  And that is ok…tomorrow is a new day. 

Hang on to your constants.  Love life.  And keep movin’ forward. 
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TTT

Movin' it with Michelle

1.  Tonight, I found that my page was listed as one of the top 100 Facebook Endurance pages.
http://blog.womenraces.com/100-motivating-endurance-facebook-pages/
Yes….I nearly cried.  Ok.  I did get teary.  I have worked so hard with this page, that literally sells nothing promotes nothing, yet inspires and motivates so many lives. 
My life long dream has never been to be famous, make boat loads of money, or be at the top of some infamous career ladder.  Nope.  I recently just took on a new career that makes less money, and I am at peace with my choice for it has brought me more joy in two weeks, then I had in a year and a half of making a hefty salary. 
My life long dream has BEEN to inspire, touch lives, and help those who may be in a place that I can recognize.  I have been through a lot in life, and have many stories and A LOT of experience.  My goal has always been to leave this world a better place.  Touch just ONE life.  Inspire.  Help.  And ultimately help others MOVE forward. 
For I was that girl, the one who was stuck in a downward spiral for more years than I care to admit.  I believe I was put on this earth to show others the beauty that can be captured even in the darkest hour.  I literally shudder when thinking back to my past, and the ‘girl’ I once was…
I am now humbled, and honored that my efforts have been recognized.  I feel just a touch of validation, and I pray I can keep helping others move forward.  Yes, cloud nine doesn’t even touch the feeling I feel right now. 

2.  Today, I didn’t do so well at work.  I made more mistakes than I care to admit.  I’ve been at the new job for two weeks now and am learning more every day.  I nearly lost it today after making a pretty big mistake…but I went to the bathroom, splashed some water on my face, and KEPT MOVIN’…learning curves can be rough.  I haven’t been a bench tech in a Histology lab in more years than I can count, but hopefully I don’t drive my coworkers nuts.  🙂

3.  I went to the grocery store after work before picking up my youngest.  I fought terrible construction traffic, lines in the store, and all around irritable situations.  After my chaotic mess I was driving to my youngest daughter’s daycare, and I slowed to let some runners pass by at a cross walk.  I smiled…realizing I needed to slow down and not let the little things bother me…I had the top down on my Jeep, music playing, and the sunshine warming my soul.  Life, is good. 

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Three things, Thursday

Movin' it with Michelle

1.  My oldest daughter, is…well growing up.  We went to her last 7th grade band concert tonight, and although she doesn’t practice as much as she should (she admits this), they did WONDERFUL.  I was so proud.  Even better, Brian, Sophia and I were jamming in the stands, laughing, singing, and being silly.  Jordyn kept trying to not laugh at us, but hey…her parents are weird and I know deep down she appreciates our silliness.  We swore Justin Bieber was playing the sax, and Jordyn swears she can’t stand him so it made it even funnier.  I was mouthing, “There is Justin Bieber” while pointing to the sax player, and she just kept laughing, telling me “MOM STOP” haha!!

My Jordyn is in the center of the pic, playing the flute.

2.  Sorry to keep posting about my new job…but I can’t help it.  In my first week of work I feel more at home here than I have in such a long time.  I am still new, still learning and still have a lot to learn.  I know there will be hard/bad/whatever days.  But I truly think I’ve found where I am meant to be career-wise.  YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

3.  My hard work with training while listening to my body seems to be paying off.  I was exhausted after a bad night’s sleep last night so didn’t get the run in I had planned.  But tomorrow I will get outside rain or shine, and get at least a couple miles in.  We also have P90X ‘arms’ on deck and can’t wait.  For Mother’s Day I plan on running with two of my favorite running friends, and it will be an awesome way to start MY day.

Lastly, (ok, this is number 4) I have a new found appreciation for life, and the positive nature in which I try to live my life.  There will always be those people who don’t speak a word to you unless it’s something negative.  I say, bah…I have a right to my opinions, as do they, but please don’t waste your time posting something negative to my page when you NEVER have something positive to say.  You don’t live my life, raise my kids, or have any clue what I have been through in life.  Save it people.  I don’t have time for negativity in my world.  I spent far too many years in the rain filled clouds…No more.  So rain on someone else’s parade, for I’ll keep marching on. 

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Wednesday Reflections

Movin' it with Michelle

5-8-13

I had a moment of clarity today that came upon me like a crashing wave. 

Actually, 2 moments, so bear with me.

First off.  I have been in the Histology career field for 22 years now.  It’s been something that has been part of my life, for gosh, over half my life.  In these 22 years I have done several different aspects of the career, from “bench tech” to managing a lab.  I can’t say that I have been ‘uber’ in either aspect as each time I moved in my Air Force career, my role changed and I was blessed to learn something new.  But with constantly learning and changing, it was hard to become an expert at any one aspect of my job.  Today was my 6th day of work at my new job, and I am finally feeling a touch comfortable in my new supervisory/bench tech role.  I was able to work independently, yet with just a few questions.  My coworkers believe in me, support me, and are helping me grow in this new role.  And honestly, despite a pay cut, I feel this choice in job moves has done wonders for my soul.  I am growing not only in my career, but in my mental capacity of not letting all the “little crap” get to me.  I make a mistake, so what…I won’t make that mistake twice, and will learn.  COOL.  And ultimately I am home for my family, and that is what I needed the most.  I will admit I miss my boss from my old job terribly, but thankfully she’s just a text/fb message away. 

Secondly.  I signed up to be a volunteer for my all-time favorite race, the Fox Valley marathon.  I went to my first meeting tonight, and was a little nervous to be honest.  Will I be taking on too much?  Nah…

I not only decided to be team Captain for the photography for the kid’s marathon, I was also blessed to become a pacer for this race.  I will be pacing the half marathon training runs, for the 10 minute milers.  I didn’t even pause when requesting this group as I know it is a comfortable “still being able to chat” pace…yet when I got home tonight and posted about it on Facebook, I realized something…Last year when I went to my first training run I started out with the 10 minute milers and couldn’t hold pace.  I fell back after just a few short miles and felt defeated.  Silly me…distance and time and pace come with training.  A year later, I can run a half marathon at an average of a 9:30-9:40 pace comfortably.  WHAAAAAAT? 
Last year I did the 20 miler in preparation for the Chicago Marathon.  I can’t think about this race without getting choked up.  Truly.  Amazing.  Life Changing indeed. 
 

This summer poses to be a wonderful one despite my husband being gone most of the month of June.  I will have more time with my family and some awesome runs with the most amazing running community I’ve met to date. 

Life, is truly GREAT. 

Want to run an awesome race?  Check out the Fox Valley Marathon/20 miler/Half Marathon. 

You won’t be disappointed. 
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5-5-13 – Great Western Trail Race recap

Movin' it with Michelle

This recap will be different from my last few…for this recap isn’t about PR’s, kicking butt, or finding my speed at the end.  Nope…the race unfolded quite differently in fact. 

It starts with the fact that the last two weeks I have BARELY been able to run.  I made myself get a couple miles in here and there, but after running in a pair of ‘test’ Newtons two weeks ago-my knee went downhill fast.  It constantly gave me aches and pains that made me nervous in all honestly.  I was worried last night that I may not even finish today’s race…
 

Sometimes we lose ourselves in life, and getting your head in the game can be a treacherous battle we don’t have the energy to fight.  I put my energy into laying my race outfit out last night, making sure my Garmin was charged, and my fuel belt packed. 

Janel showed up at 7:15 promptly, and my husband dropped us off at the start due to absolutely NO parking and us not wanting to take the shuttle.  We walked the almost ½ mile to the start, said a quick hello to friends and got in line for the porta potties for one last pit stop.  While in line, we chatted with fellow runners and I was quickly reminded of reason #538 why I love this community.  You are instant friends, comrades decked out in various colors, and you are there for one simple reason ultimately.  WE ALL ARE IN LOVE WITH THE RUN. 
 

The start went off quickly, and we found ourselves in the second wave.  We ran at a steady pace, but both agreed a PR probably wasn’t in the cards.  So we agreed to enjoy this run and if one of us wanted to take off we’d wait until after the ten mile mark. 
 

Off we went, laughing, talking, and finding our solace in the run.  Our first real hill came up, and it was such a beautiful bridge I stopped to take a picture…yup, sure did.  This race was a mental release for me, but NOT a true “race.”  The path seemed to hug us in, with the newly budded trees giving us just enough shade.  I felt like I was running on marshmallows as we steadily ran on the crushed limestone path, and can see why some prefer this type of terrain.   
 

We were feeling pretty darn good the first half, although we did stop to fuel at the 5 mile mark.  Funny, in my splits you can see the two times I slowed were taking pics and fueling for those were my only 10 min miles. 

We got to see Rob as he was FLYING by, and got a quick hand slap in.  He rocked his race with a 1:40 PR.  SO beyond proud of him…he’s always been a true inspiration and supporter, and I couldn’t be happier for him. 

Lesson number 1.

At the halfway mark I really started to swell.  I had gotten spoiled with winter running (wait, did I just say spoiled in regards to freezing my butt off? LOL) and didn’t pack my salt tabs in my fuel belt.  Fail.  I had true SNAUSAGES for fingers when we finished, and it was actually quite painful. 

But we settled in regardless, and noticed the trees seemed to have bloomed even more since the start of the race.  WHAT A GORGEOUS TRAIL…I was in sheer bliss being on the trails with such an awesome friend. 
I promise, I was running, although wth is this?  LOL
 

We decided we’d go for a PR for Janel…we were on point with pace, and just needed to step it up a touch.  We were steady at the 9:30-9:40 mile pace, so we dropped it down to 9:15.

Lesson number 2.

DO NOT pick it up at the 8.75 mile mark if you want to have enough gas to finish out those last 4 miles strong.  I held pace for a couple miles, and realized quick there was NO way I could hold it.  I gave her the blessing to take off around mile 10-11, and even got a quick picture in of the trail. 
A little piece of heaven, just 3 miles from my house
 

She took off, but was only about a quarter mile ahead of me, which helped my spirits seeing her running so strong.  I lost myself the last couple miles, and found it literally gut wrenching to hold a strong pace.  I nearly lost my breakfast twice, but I wanted to at least give it my all. Swallowed it back down (sorry gang, being real here) and kept running.  It was getting hot, and I could feel myself fading…But I refused to fade, and kicked it up the best I could. 

And I did…I came around the last bend and killed it…passing people left and right and running with ALL I had.  Finish time was unofficially 2:09, and I am pleased.  But this was one of my toughest finishes to date, and I found myself falling into Janel’s embrace after getting my medal and water bottle.  We kicked butt today, neither of us getting a PR, but BOTH of us falling in love again with the run.  I always get choked up when I finish a race, and I could feel her hug me just a little bit tighter as she felt me hold back a sob.  Man I love this girl. 
Awesome medal, another GREAT point to this race!

My neighbor Katie, me, and Janel after finishing

Me and Janel, with ROCKSTAR Rob!
 

Race High points:

GREAT community support.  WOW…I can’t say enough what it means to have people cheering you on…it seemed nearly every few miles there were spectators with cowbells, signs, and claps…

Sufficient water stops.  This is SO vital especially as the weather starts to get warmer.  I could have used one more those last few miles, but that was just me being a wimp. 

Awesome that they had a local chiropractic clinic set up to stretch us out afterwards.  It helped tremendously. 

GREAT volunteers.  What more can I say…those people ROCKED this race.

Lastly…I fell back in love with running, and found peace on the trails amongst 1000 other runners…I learned more about myself today even at the age of 40 than I could ever hope for in life.  I learned-do what you love, and do it well.  Remember always, to make yourself happy first, and the rest will follow.  I learned that loving your passions is so much more important that just finding things to fill your time. 

I re-found my smile today…although it wasn’t completely lost, it was admittedly hidden behind some unneeded stress.  But it’s all good, and I feel like a kid in a candy store…PR, nope.  Successful race?  HECK YEAH!!!
Yup…this says it all. 
 
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Weekend wrap up, and thoughts.

Movin' it with Michelle

I used to dread more moments than I appreciated.  I used to come home from work, needing to close my eyes and forget life.  Yet now I have a new journey and a newfound love for life.  This week, admittedly, I dreaded running just a bit-because my knee has been bothering me more than I care to admit.  I logged 13 miles this week, so although not uber, it’s not shabby either. 

So instead of wishing for more, I made the most of my weekend.  I worked yesterday until about 1 pm, and then came home and helped with yard work during the afternoon.  It was such a blessing to see my youngest pitch in and help.  My oldest daughter went to her friend’s house for a sleepover, so we decided to take our youngest out to eat. 

We took the top down on the Jeep, and sang at the top of our lungs…we ate sushi (our favorite) and we just WERE.  We didn’t wish for breaks, vacations, or anything…we just appreciated the time we had together.  We spent the weekend just ‘being’ us, and it was awesome.  Words with friends, fires, and friends…Tony Bennett sang in the background ALL weekend, and my house truly was a home this weekend. 

I am truly blessed to be married to my best friend.  We drive each other nuts, and we love each other all that much more.  He seems to know just when I need someone and takes that extra effort to spend time with me. 

I started to get jealous after reading Facebook and all my friends who seem to have running partners or groups they regularly run with each week…I started…and then I stopped.  I run for ME, and it’s MY thing…I don’t need a partner to keep me going, although the motivation would have been welcomed this weekend.  I overslept for church AND my run this morning, yeah…uber fail.  Those blankets and pillows just seemed to suck me in today…lol.  I made myself stretch my legs on the dreadmill tonight, although for only a mile and half.  I will get my miles in on the trails tomorrow morning. 

This coming week we start our P90X journey, and tonight I prepped our meals for tomorrow.  This could be said to be a chore, but making healthy choices for my family is what means the most to me…I need to drop these last 10 lbs that have been hanging on for dear life since my marathon training last year. 

Lastly…I have learned patience this week.  Many will test us, some will try to rain on our parade, and several will only find the negatives in life.

I can no longer be bothered with the above said people.  I will continue to smile, continue to strive for more, and always keep moving forward.  After a while, you realize you can’t get blood from a turnip, and that you just have to stop trying. 

My own garden will be planted, and the weeds will be picked…you can either choose to be a flower, or a weed…what is your choice?  I choose to be a flower. 

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Five things, Friday…

Movin' it with Michelle

Five things, Friday?

 

1.     I got confirmation that I will start my new job on Wednesday, May 1st.  I would be lying if I said I will miss my tiny week of respite…but it was glorious and short lived all at once.  Most of my friends are stay at home Moms and I have to fight off the jealousy fairy daily.  It’s been so wonderful picking my kids up early, cooking dinner, and having a clean home. 

2.    I was able to have lunch with my sister today.  What a blessing after being apart for over 20 years to just meet up for lunch.  We chatted over yummy salad and soup, and even indulged on ice-cream.  Yeah…I paid for it later.  LOL.  But talking with her, made me realize no one truly knows your struggles.  They see you in a duel income family and think you must be rolling in the loot…sadly far from it, because we all have our own struggles and bills.  I can only hope ONE day to catch up. 

3.    I picked up my youngest from daycare nearly as soon as she was dropped off…I wanted to take her to see the owl I have been watching all week and be able to share this lovely piece of nature with her.  She loved it, and it made my heart sing to see her so happy because I was able to pick her up early.  I’ve sadly missed out on so much of my kids’ lives working so many hours…
 

4.    My husband is a gamer.  Yup…full-fledged nerd status and most evenings he is playing his “tank blow em up game” and I am left to my computer screen.  Tonight he spent the evening with me listening to music and playing words with friends.  Just what I needed…

5.    I teach tomorrow at my second job, and I admittedly always get nervous before a class.  But what I have learned in this teaching gig, is that I have learned so much FROM my students…and it fills my heart with joy. 

Last thought is this…We are given ONE life.  One chance…One GO to make this life count.  I have decided at the age of 40 that I am not going to quit.  Not going to give up.  And not going to let all the outlying factors in life get to me.  There are people out there that can make a negative out of a positive situation more times than not.  I will NOT be one of those people.  More so, I will NOT allow those people the ability to steal my joy.  Ultimately I give the glory to God, and HIS ability to keep me moving forward. 
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4-22; A tribute to Boston!

Movin' it with Michelle

I haven’t been able to run very much this past week.  My mind wasn’t in the game, nor were my legs.  The 8 miles I logged last week were painful, and more so took their toll on my heart.  I began to wonder if I had lost my love for the run to fear. 

And I hated it.

Who was I becoming?  Where did that feisty fire starter go?  She’s in there somewhere, dammit. 

Today, was my first day HOME as I am in between jobs.  I haven’t ‘not’ set my alarm for a Monday morning since I retired from the Air Force 2 years ago.  And I honestly didn’t know how to digest this first day of unemployment.  My new job starts in a couple weeks, sure…but today, I was without a job. 

So I slept in…I gave myself that gift, for between working two jobs, kids, church, and training, sleeping in is a luxury I rarely get.  Keep in mind, I used to sleep in EVERY weekend, more so just to shut my eyes off to the world.  I didn’t want to ‘be’…I wanted to sleep, to forget, to NOT think.  Yet the day came that I started to hate myself.  Hate the fact that I ignored where I needed to be and instead slept away my life. 

It’s time…time to find myself, and to love ME again. 

I charged up my camera, took a nice hot shower ALL by myself without kids needing me, and I set out for a day on the river.  Just me, some snacks, and my camera. 

And wow…what did I find. 

This beautiful baby owl…
 

These flowers…
 

And so much more. 
bath time
My favorite trail, thankfully above water at this point
 

Why on earth did I want to close my eyes, to THIS?

My day ended to a beautiful run to tribute the Boston Marathon.  I was in the presence of Boston Marathoners, and I felt like a little kid on Hollywood boulevard.   These runners are MY hero’s…
Boston Marathoners!
 

I ran a simple 2.62 miles…and I did it without music or distraction.  I got to meet Karen from “Trading in my Heels” and she is such a light that I couldn’t help but to smile. 
 

I found a part of ME again today, through this tragedy, and through some pretty amazing people. 
 
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The day after…6 miles for Boston

Movin' it with Michelle

The day after…

Today was hard.  I haven’t slept well in 3 days, yet I knew I couldn’t pass up on the chance to run with friends tonight. 

So I didn’t pass it up…I woke up at 5 am.  I wore my running gear all mismatched to work. 

And I didn’t care what a single person said about me, my outfit, or my funk. 

I got home after 5, and was greeted by my husband who took over like a champ getting the kids dinner and homework done so I could go on my group run.  He knew I needed this, and despite a normal 10-12 hour day I changed into my running gear and met my awesome friends at my local running store for our group run.

My heart was heavy, and my legs turned out to be even heavier. 

But the night started out by coloring in children’s coloring books and singing old songs with friends.  How could I not smile?   Gotta love Dirty Dancing and reliving the memories, LOL.

I was fortunate enough to be “loaned” a pair of Newton’s to try out.  I can honestly say I didn’t care for them.  Go GO Brooks.   Felt honored to wear these “Mercedes” of running shoes that I could never afford.  LOL. 

We pinned on our Boston bibs, and set out for a six miler.  I was blessed to hear JJ’s story of his Boston race (his third I believe), and felt so fortunate to have him running with us.  He is a true inspiration. 

We ran, chatted, and moved along the trails with more effort than I care to admit.  I felt sluggish, tired, and guilty for these said feelings.  The hills (both up and down) hurt…but I ran in honor of those who suffered yesterday. 

I won’t post pics.  I will leave this post naked in the fact that the feelings felt are real, and although not everyone can understand, these said feelings leave a hole in my heart.  I am without words for those who try to steal joy from other’s lives…more so in this capacity.  Is nothing sacred anymore?

I hugged my friend Janel before I left the group run tonight.  She and I have bonded over the last few months, and we both hung on to each other a little tighter tonight.  We knew what the other was feeling, and we allowed ourselves that moment…that moment to feel the pain of lives lost, injured, and traumatized from yesterday’s tragedy.  I didn’t stop at that, and made sure to hug my Erin as well.  These two women have truly been there for me and I will count my blessings tonight. 

Hang on a little tighter tonight to those who have touched your lives.  Life.  Is.  Too.  Short.

Keep.  Movin’. Forward.