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Saturday Musings

I haven’t blogged in over a week now.  I have been caught up in life and world events, and trying to just remove myself from the outside world to be honest.  The Oklahoma tragedy hit close to home as my best friend and her family lives there-and just nearly a year ago I was there on vacation enjoying the time of my life.  Now to see so much loss and heartache left me with a hole in my heart. 

I have spent the week latching on to my husband and kids, whether they liked it or not.  Funny to say, I am the black sheep of my own little family…the “un-fun” one, the disciplinarian, the one that everyone disagrees with in any given conversation.  But I love the 3 other people that make up my crazy little family dearly, so I concentrated on THEM this week, knowing so many have lost their loved ones in natural disasters and other tragedies in general recently. 

This morning I ran the “Soldier Field Ten miler” with some girls from my running group.  We had a nice time, but I’ll admit the vibe was weird, and I just felt ‘off.’  I ran my race, met back up with my running friends, and came straight home.  There was no real celebration of a ‘job well done’ so I simply tackled laundry and tried to nap between white and dark loads.  It’s hard when your family doesn’t ‘get’ why you run.  When they don’t show pride in your efforts, or want to cheer you on during races.  No, this is not why I run…but support sure would be nice. 

Back to the race…

I am odd in the fact that I cannot race and talk at the same time.  (My sister and friend Janel are the only two people I can run more than 10 miles with consecutively) So more times than not I am running alone in my races because I simply can’t hold a conversation at a race pace…but my friends and I all started together, yet after about the second mile we all split off.  Katy took off, I stayed in the middle, and Erin and Michelle were right behind me yet sadly I didn’t see them. 
 

I ran this race more in honor of Memorial Day.  I dug out my old Air Force physical training shorts, and wore them proudly for these ten miles. I got up at 4 a.m. and recalled 22 years ago when I did the same exact thing in basic training.   My knee, cooperated; thankfully.  I had small issues around mile 6-7, but simply needed a bit of fuel to get me through the last few miles.  I didn’t break the 9 minute mile mark, but I didn’t expect to either after having taken a week off to rest my knee.  I thankfully held strong, and seeing Soldier Field in the horizon brought me back to my first half marathon in San Antonio in 2007 where I ran into the stadium to finish…and yes…I got choked up.  Thankfully I still at least get emotional over my races.  Someone has to, right?  I finished in 1:34 which is an average pace (54% for the women this year) so I will succumb and be satisfied with remaining average. 
 

I have found my happy place in the 10-13.1 mile runs, and hope to increase my speed and endurance. 

I am trying to find peace with self-support and self-pride.  But simple said, it’s hard.  Cheering squads are always nice, right? 
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10 thoughts on “Saturday Musings

  1. In 2.5 years of racing, my husband has been to 3 races, one of these only bc I did it before we went to Six Flags and it was on the way. My blog friends, most of whom I haven't met, know far more about and show vastly more interest in my races than he does. So I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. I've just had to accept that this is MY thing and be grateful for the support I get from my online community. What's funny/ironic though is that he'll go to his nieces'/nephews' games and his family has made a yearly trip for 25 years to watch him and his sisters play mud volleyball. Somehow my racing doesn't rate. I tend to think (big generalization here) that maybe it's harder for guys to put themselves into a support role for wives in athletic pursuits they don't share. Of course there are many guys who do…mine just isn't one of them.

  2. Hi, I just wanted to stop by and say that I read your blog a lot, just don't comment very often. It's tough when you don't get the support from your family you want, or need – but I'm sure they support you more than you realize. Hang in there! Good race!

  3. In my racing? No. Sadly they don't. And he's made it quite clear he'd rather do just about anything than watch me race. I nearly had to drag him and the kids to the egg shuffle half. That's where I decided I'd never ask him again. 😦

  4. It makes me sad that it makes you so sad that your family is not being supportive. It sounds like beyond not coming, there is no congratulations or dialog about it at home?Like Kate said, this is a good reason to have an online blog and also (what she didn't say) your running club friends to share it with! Because a lot of the times family doesn't get it or care to try to. I can understand it. Even though I am polite and ask about their interests, I would rather talk about mine. But I still ask.

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