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Week 14, and my nearly 14 year old…

Movin' it with Michelle

There are moments in life we often wish we could forget. 

There are moments in life we wish we could hold on to forever.

There are GREAT training runs we are proud of.

And there are days, even weeks we wish we could just put behind us. 

I have been training now for 14 weeks respectively.  I have been working in a new job that although I love, I have found myself complaining about the hours. 

Today, I kicked myself for complaining.  For I have a job that pays decently, and I have a roof over my head and food on my table. 

What I don’t have, is a happy household. 

There. 

I said it. 

I have struggled with my teenager for longer than I care to admit.  Long work hours, husband traveling, and now added training hours, I am sure have not helped. 

We hit our cross road today when I got home from my long run of 14 miles, and hubby was away for a well-deserved weekend of fun.

The run?

Went quite well despite a few hic-ups…I was able to get a couple ‘flying miles’ in, and spend a couple hours with some very dear running friends.  It was by far, not my best long run, and I admittedly was a bit disappointed in my average pace of 10:31 for 14 miles.  But we finished strong, and I was satisfied.

I came home to my normal hormonal teen, and immediately the bliss I felt on the trails was replaced with anger, hurt, and disappointment in me as a Mother.  We fought, and I poured myself into a hot shower hoping for relief. 

Yet as I got out of the shower I felt something was ‘off.’  I went to her room to check on her, and found a dark room, and the doors of the front closet where we keep shoes, left wide open. 

She.  Was gone. 

I panicked. 

Grabbed my youngest after throwing on some clothes, and searched the neighborhood…texted her friends, drove, cried, and searched for my child whom I can’t seem to connect with…

And my heart broke a little more with every neighborhood we drove through, with no child in site. 

Within 30 minutes she called my cell phone from our house phone.  She was safe, home, and aware of what she did wrong. 

But who truly has done wrong?

I am left feeling as if I am failing her as a Mother…

Her biggest concern is the length of her punishment…normal, for sure for a nearly 14 year old. 

But does she not see the importance of communication and treating people with respect and kindness?  Are my efforts truly falling on deaf ears? 

Do I work too much?  Run too far?  Am I too hard on her? 

Probably. 

I am still having a hard time finding the words.  I thought I could pour myself in to my new Garmin, but even THAT I couldn’t figure out…

It seems despite a strong training season, I am lacking in so many other areas.  I am often left to feel as if I don’t belong in my own home.

Yup…I said that too…

After a time, you find yourself giving, and giving, and giving some more…until you have nothing left to give and your heart feeling empty. 

So tonight, I allowed myself dinner with friends, so that I could not only GIVE, but receive kindness and support. 

Yet still the hole in my heart is aching, and I have a void to fill with my daughter before it’s too late…I don’t want to hit that stage with her…and I pray we have a chance to mend broken bridges. 

So this coming weekend on my 20 miler, I will be pacing, yet more than likely running 95% silently, in my own head and heart in hopes of finding a balance between work, Motherhood, and my own passions. 

Re-reading this, I realize it may be too much to ‘put out there’ but holding it all in any long would be too much….

I may be quiet for a bit…as I search for my balance and peace.  I can’t keep preaching what I don’t practice.  But, I am truly thankful for the select few who have been there throughout this crazy process we call ‘Marathon training’ and life.  Y’all rock. 

Week 14 of training.  Completed. 
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Pictureless post! T-34 days!!!!!

Movin' it with Michelle

Pictureless post

My morning started out early, with the alarm going off at 5 am, and my immediate reaction to my scratchy throat was to grab my water bottle…Oh no…I don’t have time to be sick. But after weeks of not sleeping and increasing miles, I am beginning to wonder if it’s inevitable.  I got up, started to get ready, and my charm ‘Be Strong” that I wore to the Fox Valley 20 miler and Chicago Marathon last year-fell quickly to the floor.  I heard the ‘clink’ as it hit the bathroom floor and my heart sank.  Is this how today’s 18 miler was going to go down too?  With a clink, and not a BANG!?  Nope, I was determined…

I came down the kitchen and had 2 vitamin C tabs along with my granola bar and 5 hour energy.  I gathered my gear, and hit the road at 5:45 so I could get to Geneva Running Outfitters early enough to go over the maps and settle down. 

I got to see all my amazing fellow runners, and my spirit lifted.  We got our group together, and it was time to hit the trails at 0630…suddenly, my Garmin wouldn’t pick up the satellite.  SERIOUSLY?  I was a little nervous as last night it randomly turned on by itself, showing it wasn’t charged even though I charged it all day, and now no satellite.  Argh…How does a pacer keep pace with NO GARMIN?  I know my pace quite well internally thankfully, and Katy had her watch so we kept rolling. 

Around mile 3 I was able to get some sort of read on it, but it was saying we were running a 9:05 pace.  HAH.  That’s just plain funny for me and a long run.  So I just let it go.  Enough quirks in the beginning of a long run can totally mess with you mentally, and I wasn’t ready to throw in the towel just yet. 

Our group consisted of maybe 20 runners to start out with, one of which was a 10 year old boy training for his half marathon NEXT weekend.  His Mom was amazing, meeting us every few miles with smiles and fuel for her son.  This amazing little boy talked our ears off, and kept our hearts singing…(at least mine)…I felt blessed to be a part of his group.  He broke off at the 12 mile mark, and suddenly things got quiet, and a little more ‘real.’ 

The hill from hell as I will kindly name it hit us like a ton of bricks at mile 16.  We had just stopped for the last water stop, and the Shot Blok I ate was suddenly NOT going down…I barreled up the hill, because that’s what I do, and the Shot Blok threatened to exit my increasingly upset stomach…I held it down, and although we lost most of our group at the water stop, we were almost thankful we could slow down a touch to try and regroup.  

It was just Katy and I at this point, and we were hating life, and the run…we decided that mile 17-18 was the LONGEST mile ever, and I began to wonder who stole the trail from me and stuck me on a moving treadmill outside. 

BUT…we kept pace…we actually were around the  10:19/10:20 pace for the entire run, and the group said “keep going” to which we accommodated. 

18 miles, in 3:06:45.  I’ll take it.  8 more miles to the finish line…lets pray this pace HOLDS. 

 

#movinforwardfitness
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Week 12 of Marathon training, COMPLETE…

Movin' it with Michelle

Week 12 of marathon training completed…yup.  I logged 32 miles this week, and hit 511 miles for the year!!!  I am so darn stoked. 

Monday-rest day…

Tuesday-4 mile run/plank 40 seconds
 

Wednesday-10 mile bike ride

Thursday-4 mile run/plank 45 seconds

Friday-12 mile long run/plank 45 seconds—This run was different, because I set out to run my solo miles, well, solo…But at the 4 mile mark I was already struggling mentally-so I texted one of the most awesome runner friends I know…and she got me through the last 8 miles…<3 her. 
 

Saturday-went to my sister’s house for my nieces and nephew birthday party, at which I ate terribly, drank several drinks, and what?  I had a darn blast with friends and family…<3
 

Sunday-relaxed, did chores, and even managed to get a quick 1.5 mile run in before the skies opened up.  We also did a chopped challenge and here is what I made!  Yes, I have always dreamed of being a Chef, so I take these family ‘challenges’ quite seriously! 
 

This week will bring on a busy week of work, getting kids ready for their first week of school starting next week, and my 18 miler on Sunday.  Lord willing I will be strong enough to pull it off…I know last week was hard, and I am still unsure how I made it through training and crazy hours at work!  I sadly woke up Saturday morning with terrible bubble gut, and knew my system was completely in overdrive.  Does anyone else get this terrible stomach issue AFTER a long run/long week?  I am guessing it is my old IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) creeping up its ugly head, but I am determined to beat it. 

I feel a bit odd not having any other races scheduled this summer, but I felt it best in navigating my home and work life to just concentrate on the marathon.  I was going to be an Ambassador for the Fort to Base run, but knew I would be taking on too much so I backed out a month or so ago. 

I don’t like to quit, or give up on something I have committed to do, but I also know my limitations. 

With that said, bring on my 13th week of training, and my 18 mile run which I’ll be pacing ALONE on Sunday.  I can, and will, DO THIS…Lord willing. 

 

#movinforwardfitness
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52 days and counting…

Movin' it with Michelle

 

52 days left until I battle the trails to finish my second FULL marathon. 

I swore I’d never toe the line for another 26.2 miles. 

Why?

Training is hard.  It hurts.  It truly is time consuming for someone who has more on her plate than I can often juggle, even on a good day. 

I see others posting 100 mile months, thinking there is NO way I could do that…yet in July I accomplished 127 miles, some of which were biking, but the majority were on my feet.  And for those that say biking miles are easy?  Well, they’ve never biked on my trails.  Miles, are MILES. 

I used to think I didn’t have support…and this mental challenge made training tough.  But as of late my support wagon has filled, and I feel so very blessed. 

I work 2 jobs, although my second job of teaching gave me a little break this summer.  But summer is ending, and I will have to juggle my 2 jobs, and training, as well as taking care of my family…

I can’t turn back now…I achieved 16.12 miles on Thursday…just 10.1 miles to go…right?

My training will have to suffer this week in mileage, because my family ALWAYS comes first and we will be spending the weekend downtown.  My youngest turns 7 years old on Monday, and I can’t wait to celebrate her life this weekend. 

52 more days…

This leads me to answer the question of WHY I chose to train all summer again….in the heat, humidity, with crazy hills, miles, and sweat. 

And it all comes down to my family, friends, and ME.    

I run to be a better ME; a better Mom, a better wife, and a better friend.  Because when I run, I run for me, but the result of every mile achieved shows me that I am more than any life stressor…because I push through…I feel the pain, but I don’t let it win.  What an awesome life lesson. 

I could roll over in bed and say NO.  I could come home from work after a craptastic day and just say, “screw it” and close my eyes. 

But I don’t. 

I run, and I give every run my heart and soul. 

I was running this past Thursday my long run of 16 miles…at the 12 mile mark it truly started to hurt.  But I ran with a friend, and she got me through one of my toughest training runs this year. 

Isn’t that what life is all about?  Helping, supporting, and inspiring others. 
14 mile training run, 2 weeks ago.  Love this group!
 

Yup…52 more days…and I hope and pray these months of heartfelt training pay off.  I don’t care to BQ…I just want to achieve my goal of sub 5 hour marathon.  I want to feel that sheer bliss of seeing the finish line.  I want to run, and race strong.  I want to say, “I DID it, and I did it strong.”  I don’t want to shuffle my last 7-8 miles. 

I want to run. 

26.2 here I come. 

#movinforwardfitness
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57 days, and counting…

Movin' it with Michelle

57 days left until my second full marathon…WOWSA…where did the time go?  Am I ready?  Can I really run 26.2 miles, AGAIN?

I am a creature filled with self-doubt, and sadly have been surrounded by doubters for most of my life.  I try to keep these people at bay, but sadly the world has turned a negative page on life, and it’s hard to avoid.  I wasted much of my weekend hidden behind my own thoughts of ‘stuff’ I will keep to myself on here, but that has consumed too much of ME, and my energy. 

I did my best to enjoy the weekend and party I planned for my husband’s 40th birthday, but sadly woke up this morning engrossed in thoughts of things I can’t control.  I am trying ‘self talk’ but so far I still feel that anxious feeling I hate when it comes to opening closed lines of communication. 

Sorry, I know this post is all over the place.  Doesn’t make a lick of sense I am sure, but I needed to get at least SOME of it out, somehow…argh.  Thankfully my husband is an awesome sounding board, and he’s given me great advice. 

That being said…I will rejoice in my accomplishments this weekend.

I planned and held an awesome party for my husband’s birthday.  He truly enjoyed having friends and family with us to celebrate his turning 40. 

I ran 15 miles for my long run, and felt GREAT minus some knee aches. 

I ran with friends, and this makes a long run SO much better. 

I played with my kids in the yard today, and took a much needed nap on my recliner vs. cleaning house. 

I logged my most miles in a week this week with 33 miles, and a 120 mile month between running and biking. 

I wanted to cry today as I felt my depression creeping in…but instead I ran around my yard with my kids to release the bad vibes. 

Here’s to a new week, new challenges, and even better energy!

#movinforwardfitness
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26 (.2) things I love about running/training for a Marathon

Movin' it with Michelle

26 things I love about running (do you see a pattern here?  Yup, self-motivation is key for marathon training!!!)

1.     Running provides me a release of “life” stress.  We’ve all got it, work, kids, husbands, housework, training…but when I am running all the “crap” becomes just that…crap…

2.    Is it odd I love the smell of sweat after you hit the second or third mile?  Sorry, I love it…it reminds me that I am sweating, working, and moving. 

3.    I see so many posts that people run to lose weight.  Not me.  I gain weight while in training for a marathon.  I love it anyhow. 

4.    While running with friends, you can literally talk about ANYTHING.  Long runs are awesome, because you are running at a “comfortable” pace therefore talking is acceptable.  And we talk, let me tell you…

5.    Running friends get it…they get the issues, the heartache, the pain, the sweat, and the tears that can be shed during a long run. 

6.    Shoes.  I love new running shoes.  Yup.  I have a small, ok, large addiction. 

7.    Vaseline, body glide, and “the Stick” are words that don’t make a runner giggle…they are sheer necessities. 

8.    Rest days aren’t welcomed.  Runners get it.  We know they are needed, but they make us anxious.  This said after my 45 minute cat nap taken after a long day of work, LOL. 

9.     Cross training is also an oddity.  But we do it.  And it makes us stronger. 

10. GU, beans, and fuel are something that is shared during water stops.  A runner will never go without. 

11.   Planning your weekend around long runs is normal.  Running errands and going to Walmart after a long sweaty run, is also normal.  #ignorethestench

12.   Logging your miles on Facebook, dailymile, or runkeeper isn’t a burden, it’s a shout out of pride. 

13. It’s ok to come home after running a long run, seeing nothing has changed.  Your kids are playing, your husband is doing his thing, and your house work is still waiting.  But YOU, YOU, have changed because you accomplished those miles!

14.   Race bling, is, well, COOL.  Display it with pride. 

15.   You begin to get superstitious about race bib numbers.  Too many even numbers?  Too many odd?  How will it all pan out?  You never know what the day will bring. 

16.   Crossing the finish line of any race, no matter what distance, brings you close to tears because you feel your hard work displayed RIGHT THEN AND THERE. 

17.   You realize that not every race will be a PR, and you are ok with that.  As long as you gave it your ALL. 

18.   Becoming a crazy creature of habit makes you smile.  Because you know it works for you. 

19.   You receive your dailymile week recap, and get giddy seeing your mileage creep up each week!

20.   You endure pain, suffering, and sacrifice of “fun” on the weekends to get those miles in each week, and LOVE every minute of it. 

21.   You count down the miles, instead of telling yourself OMG I have XX miles more to run. 

22.   The mile markers become LIFE markers.  Each mile, one mile more you’ve ran, you’ve endured, you’ve WORKED for.  And you celebrate every single mile. 

23.   The alarm going off at O’dark 30 on an early Saturday morning is no longer a chore, it’s a blessing.  Embracing the long run is awesome.

24.   Sweaty hugs, laughter, tears, and everything in between encompasses what you feel after a long training run with friends.  #runningfriendsrule

25.   Your running friends know, more so understand more about YOU, than even you do…and they build you up with every single run.

26.   The .2 after a 26 mile is bliss all mixed up with sweat, tears, and pain.  And it literally is better than any feeling you can imagine, pain and all that jazz mixed in with miles.  I honestly can’t NOT get choked up thinking about my ONE full marathon. 

 

#movinforwardfitness
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Things I have learned from running

Movin' it with Michelle

Things I have learned from running

I am a creature of habit.  I set my gear, fuel, Garmin, Ipod, pre-run breakfast and have my play list set the night before each and every run/race/training run.  I can tell you exactly what I will eat, drink, and take with me, as well as the amount of Vasoline I will apply on my toes the morning of my run to prevent blisters.  I have it down to THAT much of a science.  Please don’t let me forget my nose spray, or my 5 hour energy…one missed entity and I feel discombobulated. 

I am going to sweat.  I am going to sweat in places I didn’t think possible, which in turn could cause chaffing.  I don’t like chaffing.  I have only encountered chaffing twice.  I don’t like it…Vasoline, again, is my friend. 

I will have to pee on a long run.  If it’s over a half marathon, please…let me stop and relieve myself.  Because there will come a point where I have to pee so bad, I no longer have to pee. 

I spit.  I just have to.  I promise to look back and make sure no one is behind me, but if you are downwind, I can’t promise anything…after about 10 miles my aim suffers.  Sorry…just sayin’…

I carry a sweat rag…because well, I frickin’ sweat like a MARATHONER IN TRAINING. 

I sing.  Loudly.  On long runs I find it best to sing LOUD and PROUD to get the frustrations of my aches and pains out…get it?

Bike up?  Bike back?  I will call it out if I am in a group…and I will say good morning to every runner and biker I see…catch me at mile 8 and you will see one giddy girl.  A runner high is in full affect for me at this point.  Don’t like it?  Look away.  I run to be happy.

I will talk of kids, husbands, job, housework or lack there-of, and yes, the STICK.  What get said on the long run, stays on the long run.  Yup…more just sayin’…

My delusional horse like sounds often come out around mile 10.  This is my release, my AHH HAA, my OK KEEP GOING GIRL time…don’t like it?  Hmm…turn your Ipod up. 

I believe in the high protein, MUCHO H20, and day before a long run carb load. 

I don’t run to lose weight, for I’ve gained weight doing so…and I still love running dearly. 

I embrace my water weight, for I know I am at least hydrated. 

My IT band, patella femoral syndrome, and other running issues are all every day topics I can discuss with my running partners. 

An Epsom salt bath…is bliss.  Yes….no ice baths for this chick. 

And so is this well-deserved Cosmo…wait, who took away my glass of wine?

I just spent 20 minutes cutting down my ugly toe nails because I refuse to pay anyone to do it for me, for it would be pure torture to endure working on these nasty black and dead nail beds…bah. 

I end this roller coaster list with the best…

My running friends. 

These people…the ones who see me sweat, cry, hurt, laugh, endure, suffer, MOVE FORWARD, gain momentum, and so much more…these people…my sole sisters and brothers…are the embodiment of the foundation in the journey in which I RUN.   

And my running not only has taught me inner strength…it has taught me more…

It has taught me with all my quirks and weirdness, if I can help ONE person run ONE more mile, than I have succeeded. 

Life is good.

My 18 zillion ounces of water were good.

And now my Cosmo is even better. 

14 miles in the books. 

Damn I love to run. 

It hurts.

It’s hard.

And it is so darn worth it. 

#movinforwardfitness
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Half way mark!

Movin' it with Michelle

7-15

Last week I modified my training; I realized I did TOO MUCH too soon.  So instead of biking or doing a long mid-week run, I supplemented doing my short runs and strength training.  My mileage suffered, but my knees were thankful.   

I finished the week with 24 miles, with the highlight being my 13.13 run on Saturday. 

It hurt. 

I wasn’t easy. 

I began the week thinking what the hell.  I can’t run 4 stinking miles comfortably….how can I do 26.2?????????

And then I met up with my fellow pacer and running friend, Melissa on Saturday and we KILLED our 13.1 miler. 

We were smart. 

We stopped to pee…fuel…and stretch.  But we ran…we ran through beautiful trails, sun pouring down on us, and shade hugging us…we ran.  We held our pace for the entire training run, and I believe it’s safe to say we were giddy. 
10:30 pacers rule.  Yup. 
 

Yes…

We are only half way there. 

No…we’ve already finished HALF of our long runs.  Yes. 

But I am training with my heart this time.  I know now that all the silly crap in life is just that…SILLY.  I am not letting myself count on anyone for this race, these miles, other than myself. 

I have let go of confidence crashers, financial discord, and everything in between. 

So now, when I run, I RUN.  I leave all the crap behind. 

Now brings on week 9 of Fox Valley Marathon training. 

I pushed off my rest day and ran 2 miles today, prepped healthy meals, and am now relaxing with a glass of wine. 

14 miler Saturday?  Sure…

Yup.

I will now keep Movin’ forward.  Forward thinking.  Forward movement.  Forward goal setting. 
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Week 8 of Full Marathon Training complete!

Movin' it with Michelle

7-7-2013
 

Monday started out with a ten mile bike ride.  It was such a beautiful day, and I wanted to cross train so I headed out happily on my bike.  It was windy, but beautiful regardless. 
 

Tuesday I got my mid week mini long run in of 6 miles, knowing the holiday weekend was coming up quick. 
 

Wednesday was a rest day.

Thursday I was blessed to run 4 miles with friends after work, and then ate like a hog at a wonderful BBQ with my adopted St. Charles family. 

 

I allowed myself the next two days of rest for my upcoming long run. 

Sunday– This morning I woke up at O’Dark 30 to meet the Fox Valley marathon training group for our second training run.  This was my first training run pacing for the full marathon, and I was nervous as all get out, but managed to keep my nerves (and tummy) at bay.  I normally can run a half marathon without peeing, but the lines at the porta-potties were long when I got there, so bypassed going before the start.  We finished our 12(.25) miler strong, yet beat at a time of 2:08.

Looking around there were runners of all ages (even a KID-wow, he ran 12 miles today and was MAYBE eleven years old.  Yes, totally impressed).  I began to notice that some runners are more “elite” than I will ever hope to be, and felt a bit of a disconnect between the group.  Call it an odd ‘vibe’ so to speak.  I pushed off the icky feelings and hung with my 10:30 pace group proudly.   I like to call my pace group the “normal runners.”  The runners who run for themselves, for their health, or for possibly personal goals.  We all have competitive spirits as runners of course…but there was no feeling of, “oh, you are only the 10:30 pace group” type feeling. 

I don’t judge people on their pace…honestly, EVER.  I know we all can’t be Boston qualifiers, or people who can run the FASTEST or the FARTHEST.  To me, it’s a personal journey.  It’s a personal race to better ONESELF.  So hearing from a running friend that she too felt this “vibe” sort of bothered me.  But my advice to her was, “Smile extra big at them, and don’t let them steal your joy.”  (G rated version of course) J 

It’s all about Movin’ forward gang.  One mile.  At.  A.  Time. 

#movinforwardwithfitness
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Week 8 of marathon training and the 4th of July

Movin' it with Michelle

7-3-2013

I just typed the date of this blog (it’s how I catalog them for filing purposes) and I can’t help but to blink. 

22 years ago I was finishing up my first day of “in-processing” in basic training.  I left home, friends, family, and all I knew to join the Air Force. 

I didn’t ‘fit’ in growing up, and this was my chance to do something bigger and better for my life. 

Most thought I would fail.  I failed a lot as a teen.  Hey, who didn’t?  I let a lot of people down, including myself in my teen years.  I made wrong choices.  I was a jackass.  Yup.  Heck, sometimes I still am a jackass.  But I am constantly working towards being a better person. 

I realize as of late, I have to stop looking for acceptance from people.  I have to live my life for ME, just as I did for 20 years in the Air Force. 

I was GOOD at being an Airman.  I loved it.  I loved the uniform.  I loved the consistency. I loved the pride.  I loved the patriotism.  I loved being a part of something BIGGER.  I didn’t reach ALL the goals I set forth for myself while in the Air Force.  But I loved every single moment I was blessed to have served.  Tough, hard, meaningful, and AWESOME all wrapped into one great ball of GREATNESS.  And I will miss it, always. 

I am now 40 years old.  The 18 year old kid who got on that Greyhound bus is now just a memory.  But her passion, her drive, and her goals are still so very real. 

People may not respect, value, or support my dreams for something more.  But some DO.  More so, I do.  And I can’t keep hoping for support that I won’t receive. 

SO with that…I have my scrubs laid out for work tomorrow.  I am working my first 4th of July since joining the Air Force.  I will do my job, get my run on, and spend the day with great friends and extended family. 

Week 8 of marathon training is going well.  I will be pacing on Sunday for a 12 miler, and I am nervous as all heck.  But I will run with my heart when my legs and knees decide to give out. 

Happy 4th all.  This truly is, and always will be my favorite holiday. 

#movinforwardwithfitness