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Fan-tab-ulous Friday…Why yes…

Movin' it with Michelle
I will first like to note that yes, I know I’ve had more than my fair share of bad days lately.  Those that took the time to read my blog, comment, call, and show concern-OMG thank you.  Although I had hoped to be used to taking care of the kids on my own, I now know that no one gets used to being without their best friend, spouse, soul mate, and father of their children. 

A small caveat to this is that I’ve lived a very hard life.  I’ve been through more than most nearly 40 year olds…Just 10 years ago I lived in an old trailer home located on Scott AFB.  But even then, I did it with a pride I’ve seen in few.  I spent hours in my yard and garden, and had it decorated immaculately.  I was recently divorced and a single Mom, but I had great friends and had a new found belief in MYSELF. 

I moved with my then 3 year old daughter, Jordyn to Alaska to venture on to new and exciting journeys while being stationed in Anchorage.  I worked hard, saved, and got myself out of debt in order to buy our first home.  It was a beautiful townhouse in Anchorage, and I will always have fond memories of this home.  I met Brian just 8 months after arriving in Alaska, and I loved him from the first time his eyes met mine.  I tried to fight it, told him I’d never marry again and that the only thing I could offer was a causal relationship.  Yet just a few weeks later I knew in my heart of hearts I was in love and couldn’t spend a day of my life without him.  He left a few months later for Afghanistan, and our love affair only developed.  Just a month after his arrival home nearly a year later, we were engaged and married in November of 2004. 

Although yes this may sound like a complete fairy tale, I can attest to the fact that we struggled for quite a few years.  Financially, emotionally, and even physically when my health started to fade after the birth of my youngest.  And this is where my love affair for running was reborn. 

I decided on a whim to run the San Antonio ½ marathon in late September.  The race was in November.  But I needed it…I needed SOMETHING for me and me alone.  And I did it-without walking which was my goal-in 2:19. 

Now, 5 years later and a marathon entry that I didn’t complete under my belt-I know this year is mine…My husband may not be here to support me, but he does in his own special way.  I continue to train, to fight, and to push forward even while he is away.  I take care of our home, our kids, but refuse to let my goals surpass me this time. 

So after feeling pretty run down the last couple weeks I succumbed to taking a day off work, which I never do…but I knew it was needed.   Soph wanted to go to Kinder care, so I dropped her off and went for a beautiful run. 

I then came home to find THIS on my door step.  WOWOWOWOWOW!  He wanted to cheer me up…sigh…

J and I went to see the Hunger games as a Mommy/daughter date, and we had a blast.  We finished the night with Red Robin and chilling at home.

I should be cleaning, but I am letting myself relax.  I have learned over these last few months that my support system is amazing be it from lifelong friends, or friends I have never even physically met…and my folks and sister do amazing at always checking on me. 

Tomorrow is my 7 miles…SEVEN…may sound small to some, but I am nervous!  Thank you Bobbi for driving down to run with me!!!!  XOXO!!!
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Sunday Summation

Movin' it with Michelle
This weekend went by with a whirlwind.  It seems crazy that I am writing this on Sunday night, for it feels I was just sitting in this spot on Friday! 

Recap of last week’s runs/workouts:

Monday-rest

Tuesday-long run of 5 miles in 51:00

Wednesday-rest

Thursday-2.6 miles in 26:00

Friday was supposed to run, but little one wasn’t feeling well

Saturday-scheduled for a 5K but due to rain made it 2.58 in 24:00 (darn this would’ve been a PR!)

Saturday did some fitness-200 sit-ups, 65 pushups, and 4 sets of IT band exercises (30 each)

Sunday I walked, walked, and walked some more.  I walked around 4 miles, but not sure the time. 

My goal was to hit 4 runs minimum this week, but I fell short due to…well, life.  Hoping next week I can fit 4 runs in! 

Yet today I can’t complain about not running, because my neighbors invited me to their son’s Confirmation brunch, and then this evening to see his band play at a local venue.  As some of you know, I have put myself in the antisocial box for a good 6 years…Knowing this is something I did to myself, I have been trying to ‘get back out there’ and not hide within the walls of my home as I did while living in Texas.  So I’ve been saying “Yes” to invites, and getting out and about to enjoy our new life and honestly have no regrets. 
Great music!

After 20 years of wearing a uniform I have a new found love for shoes and clothes.  It is currently my new weakness!  Argh!  Thankfully I shop wisely, but I am finding it to be a bit of an addiction!!!  LOL!!  Thank goodness I have two girls who also love to shop, so we have been keeping busy while Brian is gone.  Yesterday we were able to start on the girl’s spring wardrobe, and today we went shoe shopping and I was able to purchase a few new shirts for myself!  I also snuck on the MAC website, and replenished some very old make-up that needed replacing!  YAY!  And free shipping included!!  I love to bargain shop, but also believe in quality. 
Sophia and her new shoes!

First topless Jeep ride this spring

I hope everyone has a great week! 
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It’s almost Friday!!!

Movin' it with Michelle
I wasn’t going to write tonight…for Thursday is one of my favorite days of the week and I was left feeling bubble gut after a few sleepless nights and didn’t want to bring anyone down. 

I got home from work after barely being able to hold my eyes open, and fed the girls an easy dinner of chicken nuggets, fruit, and rice crackers.  I had a protein meal bar as I was nervous about my tummy.  I asked them to please let Mommy just rest on her recliner for a few moments, because I really wanted to run this evening.  Bless my girls, after a bit of arguing during dinner they retired to the couch to watch a movie so I could lie down and just try and regroup.  I relaxed quietly in my recliner (my FAVORITE spot) and had classical music playing quietly in the background.  The birds were chirping noisily, and I loved it.  My home truly is my place of peace.  I was able to nod off for about 20 minutes, and I collected myself and changed into my running clothes. 

I wish I had some extravagant run to report, but I simply ran through my neighborhood alone, with my music and the birds quietly keeping me company.  I was shooting for 3 miles, but ran out of daylight.  So I satisfied myself with 2.6 miles at around a 10 minute pace and was pleased none the less.  Tomorrow I hope to get at least a couple more miles in, as we have a busy weekend planned as usual. 

But my lesson from today is that no matter how hard the day, how tired I may be, I was able to dig deep and at least get my butt out there and run.  I took a fellow runners advice and put Vaseline on my aching toes, and I feel like it made a difference. 

I got a new knee brace today.  Mind you I have tried, bought, and experimented with every knee brace out there.  Yet the other day I decided to “go back to my roots” and get an updated version of the brace I used in ’07.  What a difference I think it made!  It’s by “Pro-tec” and is called “The Lift.”  It stabilizes and reduces strain to the patellar tendon, as well as gives the support of a sleeve.  LOVE!  I wish I could have gone a mile or two more.  Although I got my technical “long run” in on Tuesday, I know hope to plan better and get these in when I have more time.  Although my training plan has me at 4 miles this week, and 5 next for my long run, I am trying to work a little harder and maybe get 6 in and stay ahead of the game.  Those of you that know me know I am NOT a procrastinator, and work my hardest to get things done early, and done right.  With my crazy right leg I won’t push things too hard, but plan on making sure I am ready for my Half in May and my FULL in the fall.  Today I was supposed to do 3, and fell a bit short so I am hoping to make up for it this weekend. 

Lastly, I finally got to have a nice conversation with my husband.  Although he isn’t feeling well, we were able to chat for almost 30 minutes, and it refreshed me in ways I can’t explain.  He truly is my rock, and to hear him say, “Nice pace, babe!” made my heart sing. 

Happy soon to be Friday everyone…may you all have a blessed weekend. 
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My summation of this Sunday…

Movin' it with Michelle
I woke up with a killer post massage headache…the kind where you feel you can’t lift your head off the pillow and want to cry but won’t because well, that will make your head hurt worse…So I got up and took some meds, drank water, and laid back down for about an hour.  Thankfully Sophia was patient and let “momma rest.”  I had thought about doing NOTHING today, just lying in our jammies and watching movies sounded quite nice.  But the sun was peeking out from behind the clouds and I knew we needed to get OUT. 

So we all got showered, dressed and ready and decided we’d hit the Fox River to feed the ducks/birds.  We shuffled through the pantry to find what crackers and other items the birds could eat had gotten stale, and packed up the Jeep and headed out.  It was 68 degrees today, and I was in heaven. 

With crackers in hand, we headed down to the river and had a BLAST.  It was just what we all needed after a long week. 

We decided to hit up a pizza place we hadn’t gone to yet, and had a late lunch/early dinner.  I was “being good” and ordered a salad for myself and pizza for the girls.  But WOW, it smelled so good so I snuck two small pieces.  This was around 3:30 in the afternoon, and I thought for sure I would be fine to run in the evening around 5:30…I had 4-5 miles scheduled, and was looking forward to running outside. 

After eating, we walked for another good hour, and decided to head home.  I changed in to my running gear, strapped on my Garmin and IPod, and headed out.

The first mile was ‘ok’…and I know I pushed it too hard with a 9:46 pace.  Second mile the wind started to wrap it’s deathly arms around me, and the small hills in my neighborhood kicked my ass.  I moved up to around 10:04…with the looming undigested pizza in my stomach, I knew 4 miles wasn’t going to happen.  Not today.  So I called it at 2.6. 

Although not what I was gearing for, I at least got out there and ran. 

I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed weekend!
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My motivation for Monday

Movin' it with Michelle
First off, I downloaded the 1/2 marathon training plan from Hal Higdon. I used him back in ’07 and he didn’t fail me. My days may be off due to busy weekends, but I know which runs I need to get in each week. Half-Marathon-Novice-1-Training-Program

I started my “pre-training” over Christmas. I haven’t trained since ’07 due to injury, time, and plain being busy. I’ve been averaging about 13-15 miles per week. But this week it’s time to step it up.

My plan shows I should be at 12, with a 4 mile long run so I am praying I am ahead of the game.

Tomorrow I am due for my “long run” so hope to pull at least 6, with lack of sleep we shall see. I know here in a few weeks I need to be up to 7 so I plan on pushing forward.   

Yet we all struggle, we all have our “Green eyed monster” as TX Mommy listed…we are all only human. It’s natural to be jealous of others, their jobs, status, health and lifestyle…you name it. But I have found this jealousy only leads to heart ache. For we can only be the best WE can be, and it is too hard to try and compare our lives to others. So we try and show support, although sometimes it is shunned, we keep pushing forward. I wish my knee was better; my hip didn’t ache as if I was 95 years old, but I continue working to strengthen myself, physically and spiritually.  We all wish we had more time to train, be there for our family and friends…but hey, there are only 24 hours in a day.  I average 4-5 of sleep, the rest is dedicated to my passions.  To include my kids, husband, and career…

Yet I have made it my mantra to try harder, be a better person, friend, wife, and first and foremost Mother.  If people can’t see the effort I’ve put in, to my life, and to my family and friends, I regretfully can’t apologize.  I give my ALL; in ALL I do…I can’t live in the past and all I did wrong…I am now making things, well, right. 

I will run my race, live my life, and pray for those I love and care about.

It’s been a rocky road for me; those that know me well KNOW this…and should have pom poms while singing along the side line.  I applaud my cheerleaders.  I have come so very far…

Do you run your own race?  Or the path that others have paved?  Please don’t say I am stronger than others, I have simply been through a lot in life, and prevailed.  Who hasn’t?  In a metaphorical sense I say, put on your shoes and run.   The wallowing isn’t for me.  We all have bad days, but I try to make the most of EACH day.  Without regret.   I’ve had my pity parties located right here on my blog…but guess what, it makes me real.  I don’t paint a picture that doesn’t exist. 

We have choices in life.  Don’t limit yourself.  And ultimately while I lace up my shoes tomorrow, I will let all the negative forces be set aside.  

This race is mine. 
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Sunday seranade

Movin' it with Michelle

I see my previous post caught some attention both positive and negative.  And for the negative I apologize. 

I woke up today after having one too many cocktails on my own, well, feeling only briefly-sorry for myself.  I wanted to curl back up into bed and forget the world.  Yet when I checked my grades and saw I finished my MBA with an A in my final class, I realized I was being silly.  My youngest Sophia came to wake me, “breakfast!! Mommy!!!” and so I rolled out of bed to get ready for a fun day with my girls. 

We headed to Mel’s Diner for breakfast and instantly we were all in a wonderful mood.  The staff there knows us by first name, and it felt great to be greeted by sincere faces. 

We then headed to the local jeweler that we’ve bought my Pandora beads from recently. I bought myself a lady bug bead for good luck and the Journey bead as I’ve been through such a long journey with 12 years of schooling to finally complete my degree. 

After which we went to the craft store where I bought each daughter a set of paints, and they had a hay day having fun making magnets and canvases of art work. 

We finished the day with me getting my nails done, and we headed home to relax.  I decided to hit the gym, and made it over 3 miles and felt I could go longer I wanted to keep my energy for my long run early in the week.  But it felt good…to lose myself in the run, and just…run.  I made sure I got on a treadmill that had no TV screen, and just ran to the music I set for myself.  My celebration was complete. 

I finished the night with packing lunches, snacks, and laundry.  Was able to catch up with dear friends over the phone, and got a wonderful call from my papa. 

And now, I bid you all goodnight.  I am without words. 
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Tuesday=Triumph

Movin' it with Michelle

I woke up today like any other day…tired, but ready to tackle the day.  Got me and my little one ready for school and poured my coffee in to my travel cup.  After pouring it, I realized it leaked all over from the carafe, and had to clean up a huge mess.  Ok, we were ready to get out the door on time. 
1.  I forgot my breakfast/lunch in the fridge due to the mess.  Bah.
2.  Made it not even a mile down the road, took a sip of coffee and realized I didn’t screw the cap on tight.  Spilled all over my khaki dress pants.  SHIT. 
3.  Turned around to head home to change. 
4.  Got back in the Jeep and pulled out of the garage…GAS LIGHT lit up.  Double SHIT. 
5.  Stopped for gas, now 15 minutes behind schedule.  BAAAHHH…

Got to work and settled in.  And then the comments, quirks and blah of my coworkers just plain stung.  NO I AM NOT THE PAST SUPERVISOR.  Give me a darn chance.   If I hear her name again, yes, I may lose it. 
Yet had my meeting with my Director and Manager and they calmed my nerves. All was well and I kept on kickin’ it. Busy busy day, but we got it done. 

So I left work after doing 6 frozen section procedures in around 30 minutes (yes, I pat myself on the back for being good at this), and realized I was 20 minutes running late.

I got around a mile away from work and got a call, reminding me I forgot to meet the gentleman that was to give me the plaque I bid on that my father made.  SHIT again…So I turned around and happily paid for my wonderful Father’s work. 

Picked up my punkin from daycare and she instantly asked, “are we going to the gym??”  She loves the gym, lol…love her. 
I was tired, eyes hurt from crying, but “Yes,” I said…we are going to the gym…

On our way, I asked her how many miles Mommy should run.  1-6 I told her, pick a number. 
She said.  SIX. 

Didn’t think I could do it.  Self doubt, failure, you name it was looming.  But I dropped her off in the daycare room and climbed on the treadmill.  I warmed up for 2 minutes and set the timer and speed. 

And, I ran.  I had my newly made play list of P!NK, Linkin Park, Adele, and many others playing loudly in my ear.  When I first started I had the goal of 6, but second guessed myself and said I’d be satisfied with 3.  I started to second guess myself…
But then the music played in my ears, and my heart…I ran…visualized…and let myself go free.

Bliss I say.  6 miles later, and not pain free, I did it.  Hell yeah. 

I may look like crap, tired, and old…but I felt like a kid again!!!!

I have prepared for my final exam since the start of the course.  My MBA is within a reach…I decided tonight to tackle it…and 2 hours later…Lord willing (grades wise) I am DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to all who support, love, and listen.  You all are the best. 

xoxo

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Wednesday’s 39 things…

Movin' it with Michelle
39 things

1.      I enlisted in the Air Force at the age of 17 with my parents signatures as I wasn’t 18 yrs. old

2.      I have fished in dozens of lakes, to include the waters of Canada, with great joy.

3.      I was raised as a tom boy, and enjoyed skeet shooting and snowshoeing with my Father.

4.      I left home, at the age of 18, a child, and found my new home at the age of 38 in St. Charles.

5.      I endured basic training, tech school, and continued to serve the Air Force for 20 years, retiring at the age of 38.

6.      I traveled the roads of the United States, living on both coasts, to include Florida, the D.C. area, southern Illinois, Alaska, and Texas. 

7.      I performed autopsies on fallen service members, both veterans and active duty-forever honoring their lives and service.

8.      I had my first poem published nearly 12 years ago.

9.      I married, and divorced.  And remarried again taking the leap of faith. 

10.  I survived being a single Mom, and believe I did an amazing job.

11.  I walked along the Vietnam Wall in D.C. with my Father, and again alone, and will never forget these moments.

12.  I traveled to the top of the St. Louis Arc, and was in awe of the beauty of this wonderful city.

13.  I fell in love, truly, for the first time at the age of 30.

14.  I stopped drinking boxed wine and moved up to bottles.  ❤

15.  I hugged Mickey Mouse while at Disney Land in California.

16.  I survived nearly a year deployment from my then boyfriend, now husband, and can say it was the toughest year of my life. 

17.  I traveled to Mexico for my honeymoon, and loved every second. 

18.  I’ve eaten sushi, caviar, and amazing Chicago hot dogs.  I can’t decide which is my favorite cuisine.

19.  I ran my first ½ marathon in 2007 in San Antonio Texas, after only training for 7 weeks.

20.  My first 5K was years earlier, coming in first in my age group. 

21.  I bought my first home in/around 2000, and it was a trailer home located on Scott AFB, IL. 

22.  I’ve been blessed to have witness several Broadway shows.  My favorite is still Phantom of the Opera. 

23.  I’ve swam in the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean, to include the Gulf of Mexico and loved the blissful feeling being in the water can give a person. 

24.  I gave birth to two beautiful daughters…even after they (who is they) said it wasn’t possible. 

25.  I started my journey of college when my eldest daughter was the mere age of one years old. 

26.  I completed this degree in 2008, 7 years later. 

27.  I learned the meaning of true friendship, and the effort it takes to be a true friend.

28.  I started the journey of my Graduate degree in 2009, and I WILL graduate with my MBA in Healthcare Management NEXT week.

29.  I have over 40 articles and recipes published on the internet. 

30.  I bought my dream vehicle-a Jeep Wrangler in 2011. 

31.  WE bought our dream home, as well in 2011, in the quaint town of St. Charles, IL.

32.  I fought back against those who said I couldn’t, and I DID, finding an amazing job after I retired. 

33.  I registered for my first full marathon with my sister, as well as a ½ and 20 miler set for 2012. 

34.  I spent the summer of 2011 feeding the ducks with my daughters, while playing in the park, cooking for my family, and taking as many long rides in the jeep as possible. 

35.  I bought my first bike in over 25 years, and renewed my love for exercise and outdoors. 

36.  I fell in love with my husband all over again, watching him chase his dreams. 

37.  After years of heartache, I rebuilt broken relationships with my parents, and I can now thankfully call them both friends. 

38.  I said goodbye to loved ones, and fought with regret for the 20 years that were lost. 

39.  And lastly, I find myself getting to know myself, all over again.  Through running, writing, music, my family, and my new career.   May the next 39 years be as blessed and fulfilled. 
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Tinkerings…on Tuesday…

Movin' it with Michelle

I found my night blessed with a conversation from someone who knows me better than almost anyone.  I was feeling low, old, and just plain ugly.  Is this normal?  Yeah…although I know my inner beauty outweighs my outer shell often times I wonder where the time went.
I admittedly will apologize in advance for this pity party post.  But I am feeling it, so I will share. 

I remember back to days where my best friend and I would walk into the VFW and be the life of the party.  Spice Girls would immediately start playing on the turn table and we would smile and laugh, and dance.  We had the energy of 16 year old girls, and loved life and all the troubles that accompanied our journey. 

Fast forward nearly 20 years, and the friendship is still as strong as steel.  Yet we two, share the sadness of growing older and missing our youngers days and energy.  WHERE has time gone?  Our conversations still hold wonderful meaning, yet are filled with talk of kids, husbands, and time spent maintaining our households while trying to keep US the women we once were.  We are no longer 20-30, now nearing 40 and our hearts break in unison. 

Yet we run, we work out, and we strive the be the best parents and wives possible while holding on to the wonderful friendship we were blessed with almost 20 years ago.  We share journeys of hardship, depression, and pushing forward.  Only a phone call away and time, is lost.  We can recall memories, laugh, and cry sharing moments only we can share. 

My two Air Force sisters, pictured above, are my heart and soul. 

I run for them, for me, and for my future. 

My work out tonight sucked…but my night ended beautifully with a conversation and recalling memories. 

May we all, be this blessed. 

Thanks…to those who know, love, and continue to support me. 

xoxoxo

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Monday Musings

Movin' it with Michelle

I used to be one, who lived in the past, be it past mistakes or failures…I would hang on to those memories as if they were my life line  Yet I’ve realized as of late that I need to move forward, instead of hanging on to the past. 
Yet that doesn’t help my aging face, thinning hair, or withering body from wondering where, WHERE did the time go?  My husband fell in love with a beautiful, vibrant, blonde woman…she stood confidently in a bar, smiling coyly at him, and captured his heart instantly.  This woman had flowing, long blonde hair, and had a spirit that mirrored her physical characteristics.  She was at the pinnacle of a successful Air Force career, having just been promoted to TSgt, (E-6), and her confidence lit up even the darkest of rooms.  Yet now here I am, with the aging process in full force, and I can’t help but to wonder what happened to that ‘girl’ that won my husband’s heart.  I still have the drive, the passion, and sadly even the past scars that have made me who I am.  But I look at the picture below, and miss the outward beauty that I once had. 
Yes, I know beauty comes from within…but I never used to hate looking in the mirror.  Yet now, I avoid it at all costs. 
But instead of wallowing while my husband is gone for the next four months, I will work my tail off being a better Mom, career woman, and althete.  And in between I will squeeze in all the little things I love. 
I may not be who I was once on the outside.  But my soul, passion, and self worth continue to grow. 
Last week I completed 28 miles of BLISS.  17 miles of running, and 11 miles of biking.  All while finishing my Graduate degree and being a single Mom. 
I can’t turn back time…I can’t erase the wrinkles and scars…but I CAN keep moving forward.  Trying to find my beauty and confidence again, one step at a time. 

me ten years ago
me, today…

Love and blessings to all…