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Sunday seranade

I see my previous post caught some attention both positive and negative.  And for the negative I apologize. 

I woke up today after having one too many cocktails on my own, well, feeling only briefly-sorry for myself.  I wanted to curl back up into bed and forget the world.  Yet when I checked my grades and saw I finished my MBA with an A in my final class, I realized I was being silly.  My youngest Sophia came to wake me, “breakfast!! Mommy!!!” and so I rolled out of bed to get ready for a fun day with my girls. 

We headed to Mel’s Diner for breakfast and instantly we were all in a wonderful mood.  The staff there knows us by first name, and it felt great to be greeted by sincere faces. 

We then headed to the local jeweler that we’ve bought my Pandora beads from recently. I bought myself a lady bug bead for good luck and the Journey bead as I’ve been through such a long journey with 12 years of schooling to finally complete my degree. 

After which we went to the craft store where I bought each daughter a set of paints, and they had a hay day having fun making magnets and canvases of art work. 

We finished the day with me getting my nails done, and we headed home to relax.  I decided to hit the gym, and made it over 3 miles and felt I could go longer I wanted to keep my energy for my long run early in the week.  But it felt good…to lose myself in the run, and just…run.  I made sure I got on a treadmill that had no TV screen, and just ran to the music I set for myself.  My celebration was complete. 

I finished the night with packing lunches, snacks, and laundry.  Was able to catch up with dear friends over the phone, and got a wonderful call from my papa. 

And now, I bid you all goodnight.  I am without words. 
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Tuesday=Triumph

I woke up today like any other day…tired, but ready to tackle the day.  Got me and my little one ready for school and poured my coffee in to my travel cup.  After pouring it, I realized it leaked all over from the carafe, and had to clean up a huge mess.  Ok, we were ready to get out the door on time. 
1.  I forgot my breakfast/lunch in the fridge due to the mess.  Bah.
2.  Made it not even a mile down the road, took a sip of coffee and realized I didn’t screw the cap on tight.  Spilled all over my khaki dress pants.  SHIT. 
3.  Turned around to head home to change. 
4.  Got back in the Jeep and pulled out of the garage…GAS LIGHT lit up.  Double SHIT. 
5.  Stopped for gas, now 15 minutes behind schedule.  BAAAHHH…

Got to work and settled in.  And then the comments, quirks and blah of my coworkers just plain stung.  NO I AM NOT THE PAST SUPERVISOR.  Give me a darn chance.   If I hear her name again, yes, I may lose it. 
Yet had my meeting with my Director and Manager and they calmed my nerves. All was well and I kept on kickin’ it. Busy busy day, but we got it done. 

So I left work after doing 6 frozen section procedures in around 30 minutes (yes, I pat myself on the back for being good at this), and realized I was 20 minutes running late.

I got around a mile away from work and got a call, reminding me I forgot to meet the gentleman that was to give me the plaque I bid on that my father made.  SHIT again…So I turned around and happily paid for my wonderful Father’s work. 

Picked up my punkin from daycare and she instantly asked, “are we going to the gym??”  She loves the gym, lol…love her. 
I was tired, eyes hurt from crying, but “Yes,” I said…we are going to the gym…

On our way, I asked her how many miles Mommy should run.  1-6 I told her, pick a number. 
She said.  SIX. 

Didn’t think I could do it.  Self doubt, failure, you name it was looming.  But I dropped her off in the daycare room and climbed on the treadmill.  I warmed up for 2 minutes and set the timer and speed. 

And, I ran.  I had my newly made play list of P!NK, Linkin Park, Adele, and many others playing loudly in my ear.  When I first started I had the goal of 6, but second guessed myself and said I’d be satisfied with 3.  I started to second guess myself…
But then the music played in my ears, and my heart…I ran…visualized…and let myself go free.

Bliss I say.  6 miles later, and not pain free, I did it.  Hell yeah. 

I may look like crap, tired, and old…but I felt like a kid again!!!!

I have prepared for my final exam since the start of the course.  My MBA is within a reach…I decided tonight to tackle it…and 2 hours later…Lord willing (grades wise) I am DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to all who support, love, and listen.  You all are the best. 

xoxo

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Wednesday’s 39 things…

39 things

1.      I enlisted in the Air Force at the age of 17 with my parents signatures as I wasn’t 18 yrs. old

2.      I have fished in dozens of lakes, to include the waters of Canada, with great joy.

3.      I was raised as a tom boy, and enjoyed skeet shooting and snowshoeing with my Father.

4.      I left home, at the age of 18, a child, and found my new home at the age of 38 in St. Charles.

5.      I endured basic training, tech school, and continued to serve the Air Force for 20 years, retiring at the age of 38.

6.      I traveled the roads of the United States, living on both coasts, to include Florida, the D.C. area, southern Illinois, Alaska, and Texas. 

7.      I performed autopsies on fallen service members, both veterans and active duty-forever honoring their lives and service.

8.      I had my first poem published nearly 12 years ago.

9.      I married, and divorced.  And remarried again taking the leap of faith. 

10.  I survived being a single Mom, and believe I did an amazing job.

11.  I walked along the Vietnam Wall in D.C. with my Father, and again alone, and will never forget these moments.

12.  I traveled to the top of the St. Louis Arc, and was in awe of the beauty of this wonderful city.

13.  I fell in love, truly, for the first time at the age of 30.

14.  I stopped drinking boxed wine and moved up to bottles. 

15.  I hugged Mickey Mouse while at Disney Land in California.

16.  I survived nearly a year deployment from my then boyfriend, now husband, and can say it was the toughest year of my life. 

17.  I traveled to Mexico for my honeymoon, and loved every second. 

18.  I’ve eaten sushi, caviar, and amazing Chicago hot dogs.  I can’t decide which is my favorite cuisine.

19.  I ran my first ½ marathon in 2007 in San Antonio Texas, after only training for 7 weeks.

20.  My first 5K was years earlier, coming in first in my age group. 

21.  I bought my first home in/around 2000, and it was a trailer home located on Scott AFB, IL. 

22.  I’ve been blessed to have witness several Broadway shows.  My favorite is still Phantom of the Opera. 

23.  I’ve swam in the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean, to include the Gulf of Mexico and loved the blissful feeling being in the water can give a person. 

24.  I gave birth to two beautiful daughters…even after they (who is they) said it wasn’t possible. 

25.  I started my journey of college when my eldest daughter was the mere age of one years old. 

26.  I completed this degree in 2008, 7 years later. 

27.  I learned the meaning of true friendship, and the effort it takes to be a true friend.

28.  I started the journey of my Graduate degree in 2009, and I WILL graduate with my MBA in Healthcare Management NEXT week.

29.  I have over 40 articles and recipes published on the internet. 

30.  I bought my dream vehicle-a Jeep Wrangler in 2011. 

31.  WE bought our dream home, as well in 2011, in the quaint town of St. Charles, IL.

32.  I fought back against those who said I couldn’t, and I DID, finding an amazing job after I retired. 

33.  I registered for my first full marathon with my sister, as well as a ½ and 20 miler set for 2012. 

34.  I spent the summer of 2011 feeding the ducks with my daughters, while playing in the park, cooking for my family, and taking as many long rides in the jeep as possible. 

35.  I bought my first bike in over 25 years, and renewed my love for exercise and outdoors. 

36.  I fell in love with my husband all over again, watching him chase his dreams. 

37.  After years of heartache, I rebuilt broken relationships with my parents, and I can now thankfully call them both friends. 

38.  I said goodbye to loved ones, and fought with regret for the 20 years that were lost. 

39.  And lastly, I find myself getting to know myself, all over again.  Through running, writing, music, my family, and my new career.   May the next 39 years be as blessed and fulfilled. 
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Tinkerings…on Tuesday…

I found my night blessed with a conversation from someone who knows me better than almost anyone.  I was feeling low, old, and just plain ugly.  Is this normal?  Yeah…although I know my inner beauty outweighs my outer shell often times I wonder where the time went.
I admittedly will apologize in advance for this pity party post.  But I am feeling it, so I will share. 

I remember back to days where my best friend and I would walk into the VFW and be the life of the party.  Spice Girls would immediately start playing on the turn table and we would smile and laugh, and dance.  We had the energy of 16 year old girls, and loved life and all the troubles that accompanied our journey. 

Fast forward nearly 20 years, and the friendship is still as strong as steel.  Yet we two, share the sadness of growing older and missing our youngers days and energy.  WHERE has time gone?  Our conversations still hold wonderful meaning, yet are filled with talk of kids, husbands, and time spent maintaining our households while trying to keep US the women we once were.  We are no longer 20-30, now nearing 40 and our hearts break in unison. 

Yet we run, we work out, and we strive the be the best parents and wives possible while holding on to the wonderful friendship we were blessed with almost 20 years ago.  We share journeys of hardship, depression, and pushing forward.  Only a phone call away and time, is lost.  We can recall memories, laugh, and cry sharing moments only we can share. 

My two Air Force sisters, pictured above, are my heart and soul. 

I run for them, for me, and for my future. 

My work out tonight sucked…but my night ended beautifully with a conversation and recalling memories. 

May we all, be this blessed. 

Thanks…to those who know, love, and continue to support me. 

xoxoxo

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Monday Musings

I used to be one, who lived in the past, be it past mistakes or failures…I would hang on to those memories as if they were my life line  Yet I’ve realized as of late that I need to move forward, instead of hanging on to the past. 
Yet that doesn’t help my aging face, thinning hair, or withering body from wondering where, WHERE did the time go?  My husband fell in love with a beautiful, vibrant, blonde woman…she stood confidently in a bar, smiling coyly at him, and captured his heart instantly.  This woman had flowing, long blonde hair, and had a spirit that mirrored her physical characteristics.  She was at the pinnacle of a successful Air Force career, having just been promoted to TSgt, (E-6), and her confidence lit up even the darkest of rooms.  Yet now here I am, with the aging process in full force, and I can’t help but to wonder what happened to that ‘girl’ that won my husband’s heart.  I still have the drive, the passion, and sadly even the past scars that have made me who I am.  But I look at the picture below, and miss the outward beauty that I once had. 
Yes, I know beauty comes from within…but I never used to hate looking in the mirror.  Yet now, I avoid it at all costs. 
But instead of wallowing while my husband is gone for the next four months, I will work my tail off being a better Mom, career woman, and althete.  And in between I will squeeze in all the little things I love. 
I may not be who I was once on the outside.  But my soul, passion, and self worth continue to grow. 
Last week I completed 28 miles of BLISS.  17 miles of running, and 11 miles of biking.  All while finishing my Graduate degree and being a single Mom. 
I can’t turn back time…I can’t erase the wrinkles and scars…but I CAN keep moving forward.  Trying to find my beauty and confidence again, one step at a time. 

me ten years ago
me, today…

Love and blessings to all…

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See what I can do, even on Sunday?

I spent this past  weekend with my Dad coming for a visit.  He knows I’ve been alone with the kids, so the adult conversation was welcomed greatly.  Although I don’t get the “breaks” from my kids that would be nice from time to time as a temporary single Mom, sometimes just having someone to TALK to about things other than make-up, boys, and playing dress up, is welcomed. 

My kids on the other hand were a bit cranky, but Grandpa and I wouldn’t have any of it.  We had fun running around, and going to a wood carving show in St. Charles today where my Dad’s latest piece was being auctioned off for silent auction and proceeds given to Hines VA Medical Center and the wounded warriors. 

Of course, I was the first to bid, and hope no one outbid me!!!  My Dad is sooooo talented.  We found a good wood burning set for me, and a beginners book to study from as I haven’t done wood burning since my junior high school days!  I am pretty stoked. 

After the show we headed to Mel’s diner and chowed down on some awesome breakfast nummies.  Yeah, I over indulged, and have been on a pretty well balanced diet. WOOPS!

I wasn’t going to run today…well I planned on it yesterday but my massage therapist did a number on me…so after Grandpa left, I rested for a couple hours and picked my tired lazy butt off the couch and headed to the gym. 

And I ran…I ran my heart out after having taken a few years off from this passion for work, school, kids, and home life.  And although I had tweaks here and there, it felt GREAT.  I remember back when training for my first 1/2 that I would hit my happy zone around 4 miles…and I hit it today.  Music blaring in my ears, peaceful thoughts in my head, and NO pain.  I hit 5.02 miles, and decided not to do TOO much…so I walked a few more minutes to cool down after recording my time, and realized…WOOO HOOO…I did it.  My longest distance so far since ’07. 
I came home, and soaked in a Lavendar epson salt bath…
and haven’t felt better in ages. 

Hope everyone had a great run/walk/or relaxing Sunday.

Bring on Monday!!!!

~Chelle

“Don’t follow the path of others, or aspire for dreams that are not your own.  Carve your own path, run your own race, and dream as if there is no tomorrow.”  (~me)

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The sum of my Saturday…

I started my day with a 2 hour therapuetic massage by my wonderful therapist.  With IT band issues, hammys screaming, and my knee just not where it should be, she concentrated the first hour on my hurting legs-more so the right one.  It seems my left leg has gone unscathed, thankfully, but whatever I am going through has caused my right leg to be entirely too much of an issue.  She worked my IT band until I ended up with bruises down my leg, but well worth the deep tissue massage.  i felt like a new woman afterwards.  I will continue to get this work done every three weeks, hoping it provides relief.

My Dad drove down from Wisconsin, and we had a great afternoon of running around, and ended up at Red Robin where I got my lettuce wrapped burger, LOL…

The night was ended by making yummy root beer floats.  The adult kind, with vanilla vodka, root beer, and a touch of french vanilla creamer. YUM…Yes, I’ve had one too many and am happy to say it was worth hours of conversation with the man I hold the highest regard upon…
He told me I should compile my poems and writings from Open Salon and write a book.  I beamed…so blessed that my Father appreciates my writing this much.  For isn’t that every child’s dream?  To make their parents proud?  He kept asking to read another post, and I giddily provided more for him to read…:-)
For years I felt I didn’t do many things right, or well…hell, I was a screw up as a kid…yet I’ve come so far, and learned from my mistakes. 

I’ll never be perfect…and am happy for that.  Because with perfection comes stagnation.  I am constantly moving forward, and love life to the fullest. 

May you all have a blessed weekend, and may I hydrate enough to get my 5 miles in tomorrow, bruised feet and all!

~Chelle

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Makin’ love to da Mill on Monday

I’ve been going through the motions lately of the common, self doubt, worry, and wondering honestly CAN I DO THIS???  With an aching right hip, knee, and IT band I had to wonder…
But then I realized, or am hoping that these aches and pains only come when I AM NOT RUNNING. 
I am my own worst critic, yet I have to remember the day in 2007 when I had a fire lit under my ass behind…
I was sitting outside while living in San Antonio Texas with my friend April (pictured in my cover photo running with me), and we decided we would run the San Antonio 1/2 marathon.  Mind you, this was just after my eldest daughters birthday on the 22nd of September, and the race was mid-November.  Could I really train for a 1/2 marathon, with a 1 year old and 8 year old, all the while working full time as an active duty Air Force Airman?  Oh yeah, and I was in my bachelors program at the time, going to school full time in the evenings online. 
Hell yeah I could do it…
And so I started to run, daily…the first day not even making it a mile until I had to stop and walk for a minute, but by the end of my training I completed my last 10 mile run, and finished my race in 2:14. 

People say they are too busy to accomplish their goals…but I’ve learned all too well that life is too darn short.  If you want something, GO FOR IT.  And with the utmost support of my husband and kids, I ran, and ran hard for 7 weeks training my ass butt off.  And I finished, because I set my mind and heart to accomplish this goal. 

Lately, I have questioned can I actually train for a full marathon with my full schedule?  Bah…the picture above says it all…

So tonight amidst the blistering cold and flurries blowing in the air I did my daily commute home-1 hr each way, and changed clothes to go to the gym.  My youngest loves going with me, so that helps in the routine.  The “dreadmill” was calling my name today…
I set my Iphone on shuffle, and walked enough to warm up…And then I ran….
Mile one, setting in the pace, breathing, and working out the tweaks that always ensue the first mile or so…
Mile two…”MAN I FEEL GOOD…”
Mile three…starting to feel it, but still feeling good…I keep a towel over the screen to keep me from knowing exactly where I am at…I peaked…3.48 miles…Oh SHIT man!  I got this!  4 miles my first run of the week!!! 
Made it to 4.1 miles, with a smile on my face and sweat on my brow. 

Yeah…I got this…one step at a time.  That ‘Mill and me are becoming friends, as much as I loath running inside.  Spring is hopefully right around the corner, with warmer weather and longer days. 

Chelle

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Baby steps…

At the end of the day my music streams through the tiny speakers that accompany my computer.  You can always tell my mood, by the music that is chosen as well as the volume level that also depicts the state of mind I may be on that particular day.

I know, this is a running blog…but I have life to deal with too, so I have chosen to make this blog not only about my running but about my new found journey of passion and hope.  Yes, I wanted to run this weekend, but I needed to do what was best for my girls while their Daddy is away, so I cram packed the weekend filled with food, shopping, and fun.  We ended our fun filled weekend by watching “The Dolphin Tail” tonight, and although I could have jetted out the door at 6 p.m. for at least a short run I knew ultimately where I needed to be…and that was curled up with my daughters (and dog) on the couch at the end of a very busy yet fun weekend. 

I spent the last 2 hours getting Valentines ready, making lunches, and preparing for our busy week.  The hardest part will be enduring yet another Valentine’s Day without my husband…yet thankfully we don’t wait for a specific day to celebrate our love…I simply miss him.

School will be done in just over 2+ weeks, and I will then be able to re-focus and hopefully get some darn sleep…

And then, yet the training begin…I hope to continue to work out/run at least 3 times per week, and progress from there…

Baby steps…
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Friday’s Findings…

1.   My first week without my Husband sadly has been normal.  Quiet.  We’ve gone through the motions as we always do when he has been called to duty.  I continue to work, study, take care of the house and kids…

2.  My home is oddly quiet once the kids are in bed…

3.  I’ve realized through pure diagnosis who supports me….

4.  I have only ran (this IS a running blog right?) twice this week.  The wind, cold, and snow has caused my joints to ache more than I’d like to admit.  But I worked my tail off tonight.  Cleaning, core work, studying, and even was welcomed with a lovely phone call. 

Yet the loneliness envelopes me as if I am shoved in the corner of a cave I cannot break free from.  I hear the winds blowing; nature finding it’s force pushing forward.  Yet my “push” has been lost upon a mop I sweep side to side. 

And so I gaze outside, upon the massive snowflakes falling graciously yet strongly upon my yard…

Then I see…I lone cardinal sitting in my hedge…and I smile. 

His color vibrant, amidst the stark white color that brushes over the canvas of my once green yard.

His feather billowing in the wind, wishing he could fly yet finding solace amidst the stark branches. 

His strength gives me peace.  His perch shows strength.  Proud.  With purpose.

His bright colors show he is unique, strong, and passionate.  Hmm..

I got this, right?

Gosh, I hope so…this goal is so close, yet so far away…yet I feel it.