Deployment thoughts · Uncategorized

The many moods of an Army wife while her husband is deployed…or something like that.

This morning my eldest daughter and I had a fight. This is no real shocker to those that have been following my blog for a while, or for those that parent teenage daughters.  As most know, the teenager is ALWAYS right and the Mom NEVER understands. The simplest question to said teen, sets off the immediate defense mode and suddenly all the progress I thought we’d made suddenly feels light years away. Sigh.

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LOL!!!

Yup.  That was my morning.  By 0730 hrs. and not near enough coffee all I really wanted to do was go home and crawl back into my nice warm bed so I could listen to the rain and make the world go away.  But, that isn’t how real life works now, is it…so when I got the email just an hour later from my husband that he had gotten promoted to Captain I did my best to put on my game face and email him back huge congrats while I was still fighting back emotions from the fight earlier with my teen.  But my initial thoughts weren’t so pretty…cuz I suck like that sometimes.

My initial thoughts were “of course you got promoted, you go off and do everything required and then some for the Army while I am at home with the kids managing on my own, dealing with mornings like this so you can progress in your career and I am tired of being last, tired of being alone, tired of raising this family by myself, I miss running, I miss my friends, I miss US.”  And then I sat in my office and cried.  Happy tears for him, sad tears for me that I think so selfishly sometimes.  But I’ve always done what’s required of me.  First for 20 years for my country, and now, the last 5 1/2 years I’ve put any career aspirations on hold for my family.  And every now and then, those thoughts come up and the resentment creeps up, and I wonder…will my time every come, or is my destiny to sit in the back seat? Cuz I really don’t enjoy it back here most days.

So, to turn my mood around I texted my teen trying to reconcile our argument with less than successful results but we are at least talking.  I also made sure to go and tell ALL my coworkers of my husband’s promotion to celebrate the occasion which always makes me feel better. I really AM so happy and excited for him despite my little moment.  My emotions have just been out of whack due to very little communication with him, so when you add on a fight with my teen I suppose I deserve a little break.  At least I recognized it quick, and have moved on from it.

But in all honestly, deployment hardships are very real.  This isn’t a business trip to Tahoe, or a conference in San Diego for a few days.  This is a year long deployment and I think we’ve experienced every emotion possible.  I say this, to remind myself I deserve a little slack to, ya know?

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Yup.

So here’s a shout out to all my fellow Army wives, keeping it real and getting it done-every darn day, and a shout out to my hubby for never giving up on his dreams and getting his well deserved promotion.

How do you turn a bad moment around?  Ever have to put on your happy face for someone else despite being in a horrible mood yourself?

Cheers!

Michelle

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41 thoughts on “The many moods of an Army wife while her husband is deployed…or something like that.

  1. It’s really inspirational to see what you put up with as a mom and wife and friend.
    Especially with mood swings and a lot to carry on your shoulders!
    Take a break, shake it off and get back on track again !!
    You’re a strong woman ☺️❤️

  2. I don’t know many moms whose husbands are in the service so I guess I never really thought of it before. I think tax season is bad without a spouse around as much. I give you all tons of credit dealing with life and kids without your other- halves.

  3. I got a taste of that this summer when my husband worked 49 days in a row, most of them 12 hour days. It’s tough. I had to deal with all the teenage boy drama at my house. But it’s all part of being married, right? How do I deal with it? I go for a run! Or a bike ride.

  4. I can relate to when my husband was away (different situation, not deployment related), but doing it all by yourself day in and day out and the questions from friends as to when my husband is going to look for work at home or other questions.l that I had no answers for. Sorry to hear you had a fight with your daughter, I’m struggling with my 6 year old at times…watch out for the teen years. Congrats to your husband, that is wonderful news. Thinking of you girl, hugs

  5. Hi Michelle. I only had sons, which is so different from having girls. I remember how moody I was as a teenager and wasn’t very nice to be around. It stinks for sure being the mom and dad and working full time and managing a house and the bills and every other thing. Just enjoy the good days when they come and try and let the bad ones go out the window. If you can, take a few moments for yourself every day (even if just for a bubble bath or something). Love you so much my friend and know I’ll be praying for you and your family on a daily basis! ❤️❤️❤️

  6. Hang in there- it will get better. At the risk of giving you advice you have probably already heard, I’ll just say this – one of my three daughters was a real challenge but I was determined not to give up on her. When she told me she hated me I would tell her that that was normal for a teenager to feel that way but not to worry because I would never ever stop loving her. I set up clear rules and consequences and did not waver. I gave up my own social life until things stabilized so to speak. Although I wasn’t single, my husband was rarely home due to his job – but at least I knew he’d appear at some point. I’m rooting for you! Love conquers all!

  7. Have you ever actually been asked any of those questions? Yikes! I hope not.

    I do get the whole “when is it my turn” thing & I’m not even dealing with anything nearly as hard! But sometimes it feels that way, I admit. My husband will complain about not getting to do stuff, and I’m like hello, I’m here and my fun for the last couple of months have been grocery shopping for the most part. When I’m not sleep deprived and driving back & forth to my parents, of course, and I’d switch taking care of the animals for days on end for that any day of the week!

    okey dokey, you are actually past the middle now, right? I’m sure that makes it even harder in so many ways, but at least there’s a glimmer at the end of the tunnel, right? I hope so!

    Congrats to your husband and no, you don’t suck, you’re human, and believe me, we all have those kinds of thoughts.

  8. This brought back memories of when my daughter was a teenager. People can tell you that it is going to be ok, but that does not help, you just have to survive it. Being on the other side of the teenager land (and having been a single parent so I know how it sucks) I can tell you, I’m blessed with a wonderful woman as a friend and a beautiful granddaughter. I can say, enjoy the moments, even when they suck because it all changes when they move out and the house gets quiet. Your strength in dealing with the deployment is amazing and I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Congrats to your hubby on his promotion.

  9. First off, congratulations to your husband- and, to you. Without your support, he would have more difficulty concentrating on his job!!

    Secondly, you are SO not alone!!! When my husband was gone and I was in a mood, I would turn off all communication with the rest of the world (after I knew he was in bed), and then focus on our kiddo. Granted, he was a young toddler at that point, not a teenager!! But, I would take him out and do something for “just the two of us,” to make him smile. His smiles made me smile and forget the rest of my mood.

    Gentle hugs!! It’s another day down!

  10. Aww… I think we all have selfish thoughts but our actions define us and your actions are anything but selfish! You definitely deserve a break 🙂 I hope things have gotten better with your daughter.

  11. I think you have all the right in the world to feel those emotions. Teenagers are hard. Raising them as a single mom, even if temporarily is hard. So cry all you want and go through all those emotions. I think it is a completely normal reaction.

  12. Congratulations to you and your husband on his promotion! That is wonderful and definitely worthy of enormous celebration!

    I can definitely relate to how you feel about all the sacrifices you’ve had to make, and how you’ve put so many others before yourself. Please know how loved and appreciated you are. People may not always show it, but everything you’ve done has definitely not gone unnoticed. You are a trooper for pushing through all the challenges every day! And I hope to God you’ve never been asked any of those questions… wow.

    I hope things finish clearing up between you and your daughter very soon.

    Big hugs!!!

  13. Sorry….I’m just seeing this blog post now (late to the party AGAIN). I have an idea of what you’re going through, but it’s merely only that…an idea. My husband was deployed for 4-1/2 months ( Aug 2009-Jan 2010),leaving me with a 15-yr old daughter, 12-yr old son, and 10-yr old daughter…..not even close to the year-long thing you are enduring (with grace and strength, BTW), but a similar scenario. Hugs to you 😉 You inspire so many of us!! Stay strong and know you have a lot of people thinking and praying for you.

  14. Far too often we forget the sacrifice made by the soldiers’ families. I respect this very much. As for argument with daughter it took me to reach about 30 when I suddenly realized how smart my father was. It was like overnight. Hmmmm. Thanks for your recent visit to my blog.

  15. Strange, isn’t it, how in the world of work there are promotions that acknowledge growth and professionalism, but in the challenging world of bringing up a family there is nothing.
    And yet, without knowing you or anything about you, I can guess that over the course of this year you have faced challenges and overcome them, developed expertise in problem-solving skills, learned how to negotiate in ways that would put the State Department to shame, and grown in expertise and accomplishment in many, many other ways.
    I’m not much into hierarchical ways of organising people, but I wonder, if you were ‘promoting’ yourself, what rank on the Parenting Ladder would you have assigned yourself at the start of this year, and what rank would you give yourself now?
    Hang in there, you’re tougher than you know.
    PS I have been that teenager!

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