I haven’t worked out very much in the last few weeks since getting the news of my husband’s deployment. (FYI-I’ll be discussing a lot about what I am going through with my husband getting deployed – to include the next few months of preparation and the year long deployment. Please bear with me as this is a much needed outlet.) Between lack of sunlight and lack of physical/mental strength I’ve just sort of been going through the motions of work, and home life. I’ve managed a couple runs each week, and planking 4-5 times each week, but that’s about it.
I do however, cry. Kind of a lot. I sure try not to do it in front of my husband or kids, but sometimes I just can’t seem to wrap my brain around another year of worry for my husband’s safety. This man is the rock I lean on, for everything. And maybe I didn’t realize it truly until receiving this news, but it’s become very apparent that I need him as much as I want him in my life, and that maybe I am not as strong as I thought. And with tomorrow being Veteran’s day and all the shows and commercials on T.V. I’ve found that lately it’s just all a bit too much. So then I cry some more…Gah. Stick a fork in me already!
I’m going to attempt to run on the treadmill this week and my friend Teri invited me to run with her this weekend. I really need to let myself have ‘my things’ too, because in the last few weeks of doing everything for everyone else but me have left me very…tired.
Today my sister reminded me that it’s ok to feel this way, but to not waste the next few months I DO have with him being sad. I suppose it’s just hard because even though he’s still “here” he really isn’t because he’s knees deep in preparation for the deployment, working longer days than I can even fathom. He truly is my hero.
This afternoon my husband texted me thanking me for all of the love and support and that he understood how hard this was on me. And sometimes just hearing that helps lighten the load, even if just a little.
I truly appreciate everyone’s amazing support through all of this craziness. It really has helped knowing I am not going to do this alone!!!!