Category: moving forward

Cheers!

Michelle

But we learn to keep going, even if it’s sometimes reminding ourselves daily to breath in and out…we celebrate the not so hard days, and fall in to bed exhausted on the days the emptiness seems all enveloping.

But we learn to keep going. We hang on a little tighter to those that make an effort to be in our lives…and we cherish every memory, both good and bad. We make a point to laugh a little more, and allow an ugly cry every now and then.

But we learn to keep going.

We make an effort to have more empathy.

We’re a little kinder. Or at least we try. Because sometimes grief is just ugly.

But we learn. We try. We keep going.

Cheers,

Michelle

It’s amazing how quickly time flies. And then one day your kids finally “see” who you are and what you’ve been through. I found this fitting to share as Mother’s Day approaches as well as the graduation of my first born. This essay is written by my daughter Jordyn, about me, and I’ve never been so touched.

The Journey to Happiness
People talk about how rising up out of the ashes is some miraculous feat that happens in the blink of an eye. What they fail to realize is that the real struggle of rising out of those ashes is simply the choice to get up in the first place. Coming back from hardships and difficulties is something that people do everyday, but often it’s something you hear about more than one is actually able to witness it. I’ve been apart of my Mom’s journey to pick herself back up. Despite many hazy memories, and missing puzzle pieces, it’s safe to say that the person my mom once was, was a very different person than she is now.
Her entire persona is one of who radiates strength. Strength, and kindness, and compassion for others. You talk to her and it’s immediately apparent the type of person she is. That’s one who values hard work, and perseverance. For that’s what her entire life consists of. She’s a living success story that shows how if you truly put your mind towards something, you’re likely to achieve it. That dedication has been something that I’ve grown up with; something that I see in myself now. Growing up with her as my mom has allowed me to see multiple different sides of her. I know of all of her facade’s, and which ones come out in certain situations. She may come off as cold, but she’s really not. I think that her life has shaped her into a person that is more reserved in order to gain a feeling of her surroundings, like a lion observing a herd of deer. However, she has one of the kindest, most caring hearts of anyone I’ve ever known. Her laugh is rare, but incredibly contagious. It’s the type of laugh that reminds you of the first ray of sunlight peeking over the edge of the world. It’s warm, and comforting; positively beautiful. The fact that it’s rare just makes it that much more captivating every time you hear it. The pure joy that shines through her at moments such as when she laughs, makes up a large portion of who she is as a person.
My Mom grew up in Duluth, Minnesota. Her home was incredibly old, and small. Small enough to the point where you could fit it inside my current home at least three times. But, nevertheless, it was her home. She was never content with her life in her highschool years, and while she rarely speaks about those times, I’ve put together enough pieces to know that she had a difficult childhood. Before she even graduated high school she enrolled in the Air Force, with a goal to build a new life for herself. One that she could shape and create. Despite this choice, and despite her goal of this new life, everyone has their setbacks. For my Mom she had many. Probably more than she ever deserved, but sometimes we don’t always have control over that; she sure didn’t. It was like no matter how hard she tried, how hard she worked, there was always something that was in the way. In my opinion, though it goes against my entire existence, her worst setback was meeting my birth father. I think that her life may have turned out very different had she not met him, had she not let his influence over her hold too strong. With my birth father came along with her having to deal with a drug addict, an abusive relationship, and me of course. Not saying that having me was a bad thing, but the circumstances in which she had me wasn’t how she would have wanted. I think having me was really the turning point for her; it was when she realized that things needed to change, and that only she could really make that happen.
Upon realizing this she divorced my birth dad, not only for me, but for herself as well. Without him in her life, there would be significantly less negativity, and she knew that. Her and I were homeless for the first year of my life and lived with her best friend, and my God Mom. She saved up and worked and worked and worked. Eventually we were able to move into a trailer home, and from there we moved into a townhouse. Even though we were tight on money I remember enough to know that she always provided me with what I needed, and then some. Whether that be toys, or treats, or even signing me up for ballet lessons. She always did her best to provide for me. We lived alone for a few years, and then she met my adoptive dad. Their story is unique in the way that they were both in the military at the time. Seeing their success story has allowed me to realize how sometimes, even when you feel like giving up, something good is always around the corner. Her strength in situations such as this, when all seems bleak, has caused me to maintain a positive outlook on things even when it may be difficult. My mom was stationed in Alaska for the Air Force, and my dad for the Army. It really is the fairy tale type of story, something my Mom deserved after all she’s been through. My dad wasn’t supposed to be stationed in Alaska, but a last minute change of plans sent him packing. Their official meeting took place at a bar, both out with friends. As soon as my mom saw my dad she told her friend “I’m going to marry that man one day”. After dating for a few months my dad got notice that he would be deploying for a year to Afghanistan. But my mom knew, knew that this man would be the rest of her life, so she waited for him. Upon his return came many happy months, and eventually a proposal. Still seeking that life for herself, and now her family, we moved to Texas. Somewhere she could truly start over.
Texas offered her that opportunity to continue to shape a new life for herself. One that involved a loving family. Her life is centered around family, it always has been. Family above all else. She’s made many sacrifices for the sake of family. I think her decision to leave the Air Force was a major one. With me and now my little sister, having two parents who are in the military was something that my parents felt wasn’t a good idea. The chance of them both being deployed at the same time was one they didn’t want to take. The Air Force helped my mom through so much. It taught her many important characteristics and she fell in love with it. I know how hard leaving must have been for her, and knowing she did it for my sister and I is something I will always carry close to my heart. That’s just the type of person she is though; one that looks after others needs before her own. Seeing this characteristic in her has made me immensely grateful that I’ve been blessed with my family, especially my mom.
I have a firm belief that everything happens for a reason. My mom endured many hardships in her life, and only came out stronger because of them. I think that the entirety of my Mom’s life has left a lasting impact on me. She’s a living representation that sometimes hitting rock bottom is necessary before you can pick yourself back up. Having her as a role model in my life, someone who I have always looked up to, has lead me to live a more successful life. For I know that giving up is never an option. She’s influenced me to believe that anything is possible if you work hard enough. My mom is happy now. She has a stable and loving family, and it’s apparent just how much her hard work paid off. If anything she’s shown me that giving up is never an option, and that even when you’re alone in the world, you at least have yourself; and sometimes that’s all you really need.

Kind regards,
Michelle

Please pardon any typos; sent from my iPhone

I stopped writing over the last few years, and I’m not quite sure why. Maybe it’s because I spend so much time at the computer for work, but honestly I think it’s because I feel that I can no longer be honest in this space having been burned for people taking my posts the wrong way, or a coworker throwing me under the bus for my honesty.

Either way, I miss writing and expressing myself. This is my first post in ages, but I wanted to put pen to paper so to speak to charge myself with some accountability to start writing again, realizing that yes, this is the 3rd or 4th post I have said this very thing, LOL.

I still am unsure of the direction of this blog, as I am not running/racing like I used to, nor am I cooking nearly as much – so stay tuned for some rebranding…

Cheers,

Michelle

I’ve slacked writing this year. I’m on my work lap top for 8-9 hours a day, so the last thing I want to do is get on my personal one at night. But I’d really like to get back to writing, so I’m declaring it here to make it official.

We made it through 2020, and I’ve got a lot of good take aways from this year. We were able to work from home for the most part, which helped my daughter who’s eLearning. I’ve paid off my student loans, allowing us the capability to pay for our oldest daughters classes in college, we’ve had a lot of trips to the beach and lots of family time. What was the best parts of your 2020?

Happy New Year!!!

Michelle

I’ve struggled my entire life with self esteem, with feeling good enough, and with feeling like I matter in other people’s lives.

This stems from so many things. Most of which I won’t discuss. I’ve found my blog has been miss interrupted so many times by so many people. But this time it’s about me. No one else.

I’ve ALLOWED this to happen. Let me say that again. I’VE ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN.

And it’s not been easy. Even harder to admit. No matter how hard I try, the demons are always there.

And I’m tired of it.

Tired of never feeling like I’m enough.

Keep Moving forward. My mantra of nearly a decade, now. So that’s the new plan. To embrace this mantra. Write more. Cook more. Run more. Do the things that bring me joy-and stop obsessing over things I can control.

Call it a comeback? Maybe!! I sure hope so.

Cheers!

Michelle

Cheers! Thanks for the memories.

Michelle

I haven’t been writing much this year. You know, the whole Covid-19 thing, and the incessant spew of all things hate has really started to affect my mental health. I haven’t had much to say…so I’ve decided to start celebrating every act of kindness that I notice. Here is my first one, written last night and posted on my Facebook page.

Good evening, everyone! Anyone else feel like social media is filled with hate and anger? Anyone else tired of focusing on all things negative???

Meeeee too….

So tonight I share this real life adventure, if you will. Today we spent a few lovely hours at the beach and decided to grab an early dinner when we got rained out. We had a lovely meal, and headed out to my Jeep to head home.

We saw an elderly lady struggling with her walker and navigating holding her umbrella. My husband kindly said, “I should go help her!” He got out of the Jeep and walked over to her to offer a hand. She graciously accepted his help and they had a lovely conversation as he walked her into the restaurant. He didn’t rush her, and he took the time to listen to her stories. My heart was exploding and I am so happy I captured this photo.

Kindness is all around us. We need to focus on all these little moments because they truly matter the most.

Be well my friends. Life is a gift. Let’s celebrate it each and every day. 🙏🏻❤️

Cheers!

Michelle

I think the last couple of years I’ve been holding back emotions. Tonight my daughter helped me break through. Miss y’all. Sorry for my absence.