Deployment thoughts · Uncategorized

The real life adventures of deployments

I haven’t posted in over a week, and every time I sit down to share my thoughts my mind goes to the million other things I should be doing. And while I know this blog is a running/food blog, I feel a bit silly posting when I am not running, or cooking anything worth posting about.

 

But this blog is also about real life adventures, and man have the last 16 weeks been an adventure. So I thought I’d share a little about what we’ve been through these last 4 months while my husband has been deployed (or 16 weeks, as I’ve been counting down in weeks vs. days because the number of days in this deployment is just straight up daunting) in order to keep me writing, and keep this blog alive.

 

Breakdowns of epic proportion occurred early on in the deployment. Moms and teens don’t always see eye to eye and I felt my world literally crashing around me before my eyes.  But with breakdowns, come build ups…and I can honestly say that although my daughter and I still butt heads, we’ve also never been closer.

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Girls date night!

 

Inner strength has grown for me, and this is also an epic event. While I still have days (like today) where I just wanted to roll over and cry vs. getting out of bed for work, MOST days I feel like I’ve got it together.  Ask me again after working this coming Saturday, Sunday, and the 4th of July (which is one of my favorite holidays) and I might feel differently…lol

 

But then there are days like Sunday when the TV breaks down, the toilet won’t stop running and the vacuum gets jammed when I wonder if I can really do this for another 8 months. My daughter and I tried replacing the lamp in our 9 year old Samsung and we were so proud of ourselves for doing it ourselves, until the TV continued to turn itself off… I was, however, able to sell our 5 year old riding lawn mower so maybe the two events can cancel one another out?  LOL.  Always something, right?

 

Moments of complete clarity have occurred when watching my teen grow in to a little woman. She is a miniature version of me, and while the better part of me wants to scream and cry “DON’T BE ME, PLEAAAAAAAASE,” knowing all the hurt and pain and suffering I endured for the better part of my early teen and adult life, the other part of me wants to bottle up the pride I have in her for overcoming the urge to hole herself up, because it took me 20 years to figure that out, and she’s doing it at the age of 16.  She’s taken on projects around the house, and painted her sister’s room while she was away at camp-ALL her idea.  Now if only I could get her to clean her room!!!. Hey, I’m picking my battles at this point.

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I can only take credit for the decorating. My teen did all of this herself!!

 

My youngest daughter went away to camp for the first time, ever! It was a Christian based youth camp, and she had a blast.  While it was so hard to let her go, I know it helped her spirits tremendously as she’s struggled with finding her happy lately.  She was all smiles when I picked her up, and even broke down crying when she saw me because “she missed me SOOOO much.”  #allthetears

soph

 

During deployments, or hard times in general-you really see who you real friends are, and I couldn’t feel more blessed. Sometimes it’s hard to reach out when you feel like you are drowning, so I am truly thankful for those that can “hear” when I need them and have reached out to me.  I’m not always the easiest person to love, I get that…I go to a dark place sometimes having had struggled with depression for so long, but thankfully I have learned to not stay in that place for too long.  Those that love us in the dark times truly deserve a pat on the back, so here’s a shout out to my family and friends who’ve been there. I couldn’t get through this without you!!!!

 

Last weekend while at work, I noticed the same group of guys I always see sitting in the cafeteria. One of the gentleman looks like my Dad, and all of them have that “Veteran” look about them.  I always text my Dad when I see them, telling him that his twin is in the cafeteria.  See, my Dad is a war Veteran and a true hero.  My Dad prompted me to go say hello to the guys, and I of course got nervous.  I’ve seen these guys for over two years now, always when I have weekend duty.  We smile, exchange pleasantries, but I’ve never actually talked to them.  I decided to take my Dad’s advice, and I walked up to their table.  I smiled, and greeted them first talking to the man who looks like my Dad.  I showed him a picture and said he reminded me of my Dad and he giggled saying, “Your Dad must be a handsome guy!!!”  I said, “He sure is!!!” and everyone laughed.  I then asked them if they were Veterans, and their eyes lit up.  My Dad’s twin is retired Air Force, and there were a couple other guys that beamed with pride as they told me their branch of service.  I shook all their hands, and told them I was retired Air Force and thanked each of them for their service. You could almost feel the pride in the air, and suddenly weekend duty didn’t suck so bad.  I hope they are around this coming weekend, for I know I’ll need a pick-me-up!

 

I am a firm believer in signs from a higher power, but I don’t always understand them. It’s no secret that I am in a career that albeit is a great one, it is a job that was chosen for me by the Air Force 25 years ago.  While I’ve done decently in my career, I’ve become stagnant as a “supervisor” for many years.  I’m at a point in my life where I either need to step UP in my career, or step down and let my husband continue to thrive in his career.  I pray, every single day about where I am in life, and where I meant to be because I truly feel there is more out there for me and my life.  Sometimes I pray quietly, sometimes I cry out to God for help.  Well, a few weeks ago after said crying out, I received a call from a head hunter the very next day in regards to a management position.  I was not seeking a new job, because if I am going to be stagnant in my career, there’s no place I’d rather be than where I am now with people I truly hold dear to my heart.  But I thought, hey…I DID pray about it, so I better see what this position is all about.  Needless to say, it wasn’t the type of environment I was or am looking for, so I am sticking around here for a while longer.  I can’t help but to wonder why this opportunity was presented to me, and after such a powerful prayer was sent up only to have it be a dead end?  I was mad for a bit, feeling like I had some sort of sick joke played on me, but in the end I am just trying to count my blessings and be thankful that a head hunter reached out to me.  Maybe this means more future opportunities will present themselves.

 

I sleep walk when I am stressed out. I think sometimes I am so tired that once I finally do sleep, I am just all over the place.  I did it A LOT after my daughter’s accident, and it was so bad I’d wake up and be sleeping in her bed.  My daughter texted me at work today, “Mom, are you ok?  I only ask because you only do this when you are stressed out, and last night you walked in to my room, shuffled around, and then walked back out.”  Immediately tears came to my eyes, 1. Because she texted to check on me, and 2. Because I wish I could control the sleep walking.

No one said these deployments are easy, that’s for sure!!!!

 

As far as fitness goes, I am still planking every day, and I make time at least a couple times each week to do my boot camp video. Other than that, walking the dog and trying to keep up with housework are the extent of my workouts.

 

Hope y’all are doing amazing, and as always, thanks for following along. I hope you enjoyed my adventures over these last few months.  What adventures have you experienced lately?

My lunch is over, so time to get this posted!!  ❤

Cheers!

Michelle

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22 thoughts on “The real life adventures of deployments

  1. Your post was encouraging. I have a friend when she is in a dark place she goes quiet, your post confirmed I’m doing the right thing in continuing to reach out and support her, thank you. I’m glad a head hunter reached out to you, that means you have skills someone is looking for, maybe it was G-d’s way of gently reminding you to update your resume? My plans for moving forward – I signed up for a century ride in September, excited and nervous, it focuses me and gives me a goal for training. Thank you for all your sharing, it reinforces in my life there are good people out there and I’m not the only one who struggles with life. 🙂

    1. Myra, first off huge kudos to you for being there for your friend. Always reach out to her, because the dark places can be scary. I can proudly say my resume is polished and up to date, hehe!!
      Best wishes on your ride, and I know you’ll be amazing. Thank YOU for being an awesome part of this journey. 🙂

  2. Michelle, it really doesn’t matter that you’re not blogging about running or cooking…I just want an update on YOU…on whatever’s going on. So no stress, blog when you can and about whatever is going on for you!! Good to hear from you!!!

  3. When we need help the most is when we tend to turn into ourselves the most. I get that. Try to remember that your girls are soaking up everything you do and learning from it (easier said than done, I’m sure, and I think you’re doing amazingly well).

    I hope you are able to find some joy in the holiday weekend. A few years ago I was by myself on Memorial Day, as my husband was out of town on a business trip. I felt so lonely out walking the dogs at night, knowing everyone (or so it seemed) was with family and friends). I’ve also spend many good holidays by myself!

    And finally, my blog is about me. Not just running or fitness. Anyone doesn’t want to read about me, there are plenty of running blogs to move on to!

    1. I do my very best to put my game face on for my girls. But I think it’s good for them to see me “being human” too. We all have stuck very close together through this. The holiday will be tough, I can’t even try to sugar coat it. Weekend duty is the pits at my work usually, so I am quite drained from it by the end of 2 days, let alone 3 this coming weekend. But we are going to a baseball game Saturday night, and I am sure will watch the fireworks on Monday. Thanks, Judy. I appreciate your kindness!

      1. We never get to see fireworks. 😦

        Lola is scared of loud noises, so we don’t like to leave her at home alone on the fourth. I have to get up pretty early for my race anyway. The race doesn’t start super early, but parking is hard!

        Oddly enough, we saw fireworks from the train as we were coming home last week. They were good, too!

      2. We go see the fire works every single year. Thankfully I work during the day, so we won’t have to miss the fireworks, only the festivities of the day. My dog doesn’t get to frightened from the fire works, thankfully, but his kennel is in the basement so I think that helps reduce the noice!

  4. So nice to hear from you, Michelle! My husband is also a stress sleepwalker, which can be disorienting and scary. HOWEVER, it’s good in that it’s sort of a distress signal for us–if he starts sleepwalking, I know something’s up, and we can talk about it. It sounds like your daughter uses your sleepwalking as a gauge too–smart cookie!

  5. Oh Michelle, I can feel your heart all over this blog. It’s wonderful and I hope putting it out there provides you with some comfort too. I worked for the same company for 38 years before I made a move. My take on the head hunter thing is that you stepped up with courage to even see what it was about. That right there is amazing in itself. When the right time, and the right thing, comes along you will know it. I love you and your strength, courage, and guts. You’ve got this! You’re doing a fantastic job my friend! ❤️❤️❤️

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