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Goodbyes

In the blink of an eye reality can change.  Often times this change can be a wonderful surprise, but that isn’t the case for me this time…

Thursday I got the call from my husband that no military spouse ever wants to receive.  That “This isn’t a text conversation please call me” call that is heart shattering.  “Where are you going, and how long will you be gone this time?” I asked, thinking it was just another work trip.  “Call me” was his answer and with a shaking hand I lifted the receiver off my work phone.

My husband delivered the news that he is getting deployed overseas for 12 months.  There.  I said it.  I’ve told close friends and family, but I’ve kept to myself the last several days while trying to digest the idea of him being in harms way for another year.  See, when I met him 12 years ago, it was just a few short months prior to his deployment to Afghanistan.  We met late summer of ’03 and he deployed in October.  I have loved this man from the very moment I laid eyes on him, so there was no question if I’d wait for him or not.  I waited. For 10 1/2 months I waited by the phone as this was long before times where Skyping and instant messaging happened.  I waited for that call, that MIGHT come every few weeks, and I checked my mail box Every. Damn. Day. in hopes that I’d find a letter.  I didn’t watch the news in fear of what I’d see, yet found myself so very compelled to turn the channel back to CNN for just a peak.  I didn’t sleep in fears of missing a phone call, and I worried more than I ever have about anyone or anything in my lifetime other than my daughters.

It was the hardest, most heart wrenching thing I have ever done.

And now.  I have to do it again.

And I question if I can do it.  I know I must, as the country needs my husband.  He has been called to do what he does best, and that is lead his troops.  But the whiney side of me wants to bawl my eyes out and say “I need you too, your daughters need you too…”  Yet I can’t…I have my own duty as retired Air Force MSgt, and a military spouse to perform.

HE needs to know I am strong, and that I can take care of things here so he doesn’t have to worry.  His worries are far bigger than whether or not I can get the kids to the bus in time before I go to work. He doesn’t need to be bothered with house repairs or paying bills.  No.  His calling is far greater than any of these issues.

So here in the next few months I may lose a little of my sparkle.  The light in my eyes will be slightly dimmed, as this man I must say goodbye to is the reason why I shine. He sees something in me that many don’t, and despite our problems he continues to not give up on me.

Please pardon my slight absence as of late.  I am just so. very. sad. For me, for my daughters, and for the year of memories my husband will miss out on. Yet this too, in time, shall pass.

I ask that you keep my husband and his unit in your prayers over the next year and a half.  Keep their safety, well being, and morale lifted up in your daily prayers.

Many thanks and blessings,

❤ Michelle

104 thoughts on “Goodbyes”

  1. It will be a long tough year for the four of you. But you’ll get through it. You are so strong. I’m here for you all. Love you.

    The only way out is through.

    One day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry. This is heart wrenching for you and him both I’m sure. Hugs Pretty Girl, I’ll be praying and sending positive thoughts your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Aw, Michelle, I’m so sorry. You are so strong and I know you’ll get through this, but I can’t imagine how it hurts. I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

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  4. I cannot imagine what you are going though. Reading this broke my heart simply because I could not imagine being as strong as you are being in this situation. My prayers are with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, Michelle. I can’t even imagine. I know you are strong woman and will get through this, but I know that doesn’t make it hurt any less either. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh man, I can’t imagine how hard this is for all of you. Huge hugs. And don’t hide away if writing will help! We totally understand your need to let your feelings out about it.

    Steven and I will be thinking of him and you all!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’re allowed to be angry and resentful but I know that you’ll get through that, pull up your big girl pants and get on with what has to get done.

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  8. Oh dear, that is some news alright. I am a Navy veteran and an ex military spouse. I get it…but you can do this girl. You can!! I will be thinking of you all and praying.

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  9. Hi Michelle. Oh my dear friend I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. Proud of him for who he is and what he does, but sad and scared too. Sometimes things in this world don’t make any sense, like hatred and war. All I can think to tell you is that I will be praying every day for God’s protection over him and those serving with him – and for you and your sweet girls. Every day, I promise! It’s okay if you’re not strong all the time. It’s hard. Please let me know if I can help you in any way, at any time. Hugs and prayers coming your way. Every day. Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Aw Michelle…I am saddened to hear that you will be without your hubby for so long…I will keep him (and you and the girls) in my daily prayers..may God bless you all during this time…keeping him safe and sound…hugs & kisses – Linda~

    Liked by 1 person

  11. What a sacrifice all of you give for our country. We all owe your husband, you, and your girls a million Thank Yous.

    This made me think of my favorite running quote … “Never underestimate the strength of a woman. And never f*#! with one who runs 26.2 miles for fun.” You got this. Be sad for as long as you need to be, yet know you have the strength to do this.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh Michelle, I’m sorry to hear your husband is being deployed. My brother is in the military and it was heartbreaking was he was deployed to Afghanistan years ago; different scenario but deployment is hard. Keep running, it will be good for you. Keep making amazing meals, it will be good for you and your girls. Take lots of photos and remember it’s okay to feel this way.
    Thinking of you today.

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      1. Michelle, I went to yoga today at lunch. At the beginning our instructor said to have an intention or think about someone that needs your energy. Your name came through my head and I thought about you on/off during the class. You’ve got this Michelle!

        Liked by 1 person

  13. I don’t come from a military family. Don’t have close family members who have served either. So while I truly empathize, I know I don’t have any first hand knowledge of how you feel. I can sense the pain, fear, uncertainty, loneliness that you know is going to be your life in the next one year. I admire how you want to make this transition seamless for your family especially for your husband. His duty towards his country trumps all. I get that.

    I don’t get your suppressing your own feelings. Why is it not okay for you to let your husband know that he will be missed, that his presence makes your life a lot easier and that this one year is going to be bloody hard without your husband, best friend, love of your life. I think it will be okay for you to say that out loud. For him to know that, inspite of it all you will hold the fort for him, for when he comes back. That you will do what it takes to be a father and a mother in his absence for your daughter. That you will smile and be strong and run and work on that book of recipes you have always been talking about.

    I am sure the uncertainty of his return is a true damper. And like I said I don’t know what you are truly going through, for which I am sorry and it is probably a lot easier for me to say these things in the hope to perk you up rather than you wanting to throw something heavy my way..But have the faith you will see him again, that he will serve his country and return to his family. Don’t kill your self everyday. I say live everyday. If it comes down to that bridge, we will cross it when it comes to that. Let your daughter know what it is like to be a military spouse, a mother, a woman!

    You got this. Don’t hide, don’t go away. Come here.. write.. share your feelings..And a big hug to you and best wishes to your husband.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your response truly touches my heart. And I HAVE told him, and will probably tell him a few more times how very much I will miss him. But I can’t continue to tell him, for I made that mistake when he was deployed the first time and it made it very hard for him to focus on his missions. Some of the feelings I will need to keep from him, in order to help keep him safe and grounded. I WILL share with my friends family, and on my blog as this is my little space to “be” me. Thank you so very much. ❤

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      1. You are very welcome. I totally relate to keeping feelings from the husband. My husband worries about me so much that I worry he wouldn’t give his 100% to other things when required.

        We are right here! Love your posts. I even follow you on Instagram. You are such an inspiration to so many of us definitely for me!

        Good luck to you and your family. You will be in my thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh, Michelle I am so very, very, sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are absolutely coming your way. I’ll echo what others have said – don’t hide! Stay and write! You have a whole community of people to lean on here for support, too 🙂 Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This breaks my heart!! I am so sorry to hear this but know all of us in the Blogsphere are here to listen, support and some shoulders to cry on! THANK YOU for making the ultimate sacrifice so your husband may make HIS sacrifice for us and our country! Thank you BOTH for your service. LOTS of love and prayers for you, your husband, your family and his unit.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I can’t imagine going through this, but what I do know is that you are so strong and brave and our country is blessed to have people like you and your husband here ❤ You can count on me praying for your husband's safety there xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Sending lots of love and strength your way. My husband comes from a military family, and has a cousin in the Air Force who goes through this every few years. You are a strong, capable wife and mother, and you’ll get through this.

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  18. Oh Michelle, I know exactly how you must be feeling. While my husband has never gone for a year, he has deployed and I know that feeling of uncertainty oh so well. We need to trust our faith and believe that everything will be ok. Be strong for him and your girls. It will be hard, but you are a strong woman, you know what it’s like to be on the other side. You can do this and you WILL. Those who aren’t in the military have no idea what it’s truly like. Military spouses are some of the strongest women on the planet and you are no different. If you ever need to chat to someone that understands, feel free to contact me!! Thank goodness for Skype/facetime because now you and the girls can actually see him face to face. I remember my hubby’s first deployment and it was exactly like you said. We got letters, or a call every 3-4 weeks and the feeling of uncertainty was killer, but it is SO much different this time! We are here for you!! xoxox

    Liked by 1 person

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