I didn’t run today. I normally don’t run 2 days in a row but had hoped to get a run in today despite the weather. The weather man won…94 degrees at 8 pm, and I succumbed to a Rum Runner and a night on the couch with my husband. He hit the hay early, and I just washed my jeep inside and out, and am also finishing laundry. I know I have to get up early, but the respite from work for one day does my soul well…don’t get me wrong…I love my job, but learning not only the bench tech side of my job as well as the supervisor role has led me to a bit of discord. After 10 months you’d think I’d have it down pat…but well, I don’t. I never knew being two people at once would be so hard. Hell, I am a single Mom (meaning Dad duty too) more times than not, but this is a struggle to say the least.
Today is the 21st anniversary of the year I joined the Air Force. I signed on the dotted line, and honestly didn’t turn back until I reached retirement age. I still feel a bit lost…Just last week I had a rough day, so spent my break sitting outside on the patio for a snack. I remembered 9/11; sitting on the patio in the same way while finding out our country had been hit by attack. And I found myself reaching for my cover (1 year later) before going inside. Sadly I had no cover to don.
I began to recall my anniversary yesterday, and was scoffed by fellow coworkers and friends. “It’s not a real anniversary anymore” said they…yet over half my life was spent wearing the uniform. My situations were different from the civilian world, and few here understand. But yes, I miss my Air Force days each and every moment that I breathe. I still don’t sleep, I still have memories that haunt me, and I still wish nothing more than to serve my country.
So I sit here, after not being able to run due to crazy heat, and I tried to fill my evening full of activities. I cleaned, washed my car, did laundry, spent time with my husband, and now I write…
Today is my favorite holiday. Independence day…I remember this day all too well while sitting on a flight line at Lackland Air Force base, San Antonio Texas at the age of 18…We weren’t allowed to celebrate, but I knew serving my country was celebration enough. As the fighter planes flew overhead, I knew I signed the line smartly, and proudly.
So now what…
I am a fish out of water, still a year later, finding acceptance from none…and I wonder, did I make a mistake? Should I have tried harder, worked harder, and stepped up higher? What happened to my dreams of achieving the rank of Chief Master Sargent?
But I am reminded that God places us, just where he wants us…and as I drove home tonight after an 11 hour day, I realize I am right where I should be.
Salutes to those who serve, who have served, and who WILL serve our country proud. Hold your head high, because very few have the courage to fight for those less fortunate.