‘Tis the Eve of my 20 miler, and all I can think of is, “Holy crap, can I REALLY run 20 miles by myself?”
Even though I ran my last 2 long runs and all of my short runs solo this training season, I am still terrified.
Why?
More than likely because last week I was sick, and this week I am just in a funk I can’t shake. I keep catching myself looking back on my past and revisiting old ways of thinking that were simply NO DAMN GOOD terrible. Yet I keep doing it…self doubting, self loathing, and self torturing to boot have all been beating my positive self talking mantra, BADLY.
What on earth am I doing? Back…back…BACK IT UP. GAH.
I am going to be my best to shake this funk…I am PRAYING tomorrow’s solo 20 miler will go off without any major hiccups so I can regain some sort of confidence. I have NO IDEA what the heck has come over me, but I DO NOT like it one bit. I have come too far to feel this way. Ever. AGAIN.
Yet I do…and it scares me a little. Because I hated that person that I was…and I don’t use the word hate, lightly.
So tonight I am going to lay out my running clothes and gear, beef up my play list, and run with all my being tomorrow. I am going to head to my favorite part of the Fox River Trails in the morning, and have a nice long 4 hour talk with myself. We are going to discuss believing in oneself, confidence, positive thinking, and moving forward.
I’m sure all of this is part of the normal “pre-taper” and “taper” madness. But sheesh…I feel like I am mentally spent, and need a vacation ASAP. I even asked my sister if we could leave a day early for the race just to ‘get away’ for an extra day, LOL.
Ok, no time like the present to move forward. Thanks everyone for joining me on this crazy journey of training for my 3rd full marathon, LOL…I promise, I’ll be back to normal (what IS normal, anyhow?) in a few weeks!!!
Movin' it with Michelle 