marathon training

The Eve of my 20 miler

‘Tis the Eve of my 20 miler, and all I can think of is, “Holy crap, can I REALLY run 20 miles by myself?”

Even though I ran my last 2 long runs and all of my short runs solo this training season, I am still terrified.

Photo cred:
Photo cred:


More than likely because last week I was sick, and this week I am just in a funk I can’t shake.  I keep catching myself looking back on my past and revisiting old ways of thinking that were simply NO DAMN GOOD terrible.  Yet I keep doing it…self doubting, self loathing, and self torturing to boot have all been beating my positive self talking mantra, BADLY.

What on earth am I doing?  Back…back…BACK IT UP.  GAH.

photo cred:
photo cred:

I am going to be my best to shake this funk…I am PRAYING tomorrow’s solo 20 miler will go off without any major hiccups so I can regain some sort of confidence.  I have NO IDEA what the heck has come over me, but I DO NOT like it one bit.  I have come too far to feel this way.  Ever.  AGAIN.

Yet I do…and it scares me a little.  Because I hated that person that I was…and I don’t use the word hate, lightly.

So tonight I am going to lay out my running clothes and gear, beef up my play list, and run with all my being tomorrow. I am going to head to my favorite part of the Fox River Trails in the morning, and have a nice long 4 hour talk with myself.  We are going to discuss believing in oneself, confidence, positive thinking, and moving forward.

From “Meet the Robinsons” movie

I’m sure all of this is part of the normal “pre-taper” and “taper” madness.  But sheesh…I feel like I am mentally spent, and need a vacation ASAP.  I even asked my sister if we could leave a day early for the race just to ‘get away’ for an extra day, LOL.

Ok, no time like the present to move forward.  Thanks everyone for joining me on this crazy journey of training for my 3rd full marathon, LOL…I promise, I’ll be back to normal (what IS normal, anyhow?) in a few weeks!!!

59 thoughts on “The Eve of my 20 miler”

  1. I almost liked your post then but stopped myself because I don’t like it, it’s not good to hear you beating yourself up, yesterday has happened and no amount of thinking can reverse anything that occurred. Think about today as that is the only true reality and the only time you can make a change. You can do it 😄

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good luck tomorrow! I can’t imagine running a full marathon ever in my life, but who knows. I didn’t think I could ever run a 5k either, and that turned out being way easier than I anticipated.
    I’m sure everything will be fine tomorrow. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good luck tomorrow! You’re doing all the right things 🙂 you’ll have everything you need ready, good music, a favorite location, and good company (you definitely have to count yourself as good company). I loved Meet The Robinsons, a really cute movie.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Psh, you got this. Look at how well your training is going. Get out of your head and enjoy that 20 miles. 4 hours all to yourself?! HELLZ YES! Stop and get some ridiculous sugary drink after to celebrate! 😀

    And good idea on an extra day of vacay for the race 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Did you know that it’s only something like 1% of the population who can even run a 5km? No matter how far you go tomorrow, you’re going to be doing something VERY special. Enjoy every minute of the run. The fact you can run at all is something to be proud of! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My son suffers from depression and I’ve spent a lot of hours researching on the internet. Just recently I came across a couple of articles that have found that people with depression have higher levels of inflammatory markers in their blood so scientists are now thinking that depression is inflammation of the brain. To me it would fit that you’re feeling down just after you’ve been sick.
    Good luck with your long run. Just break it into bite-sized chunks in your head and you’ll get through it. I’ve got my first 37k run on Saturday and I’m just trying not to think about it too much.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Wendy…I wish I knew where this low place I’ve been in stemmed from, but regardless its there and I’ve not been able to shake it for 2 weeks. Praying tomorrow helps me find my smile again. You’ll be with me in spirit for sure my friend.


  7. Michelle!! You can totally do this!! You’ve done great on all of your training! I wish I could run it with you. 💗👟💁🏻

    Just get your beautiful bod out of bed, toss on your running gear, & ENJOY nice-long run! Settle into a comfortable pace, & just keep going…think, or don’t..just zone out. Lol. Before you know it, you’ll be in high miles, & counting down to the finish.

    You’ve got this girl!!! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  8. And YES…stop and get yourself something good after!! Tell us what you decide on…😁

    Good luck 🍀
    Run Happy 😀👟
    Stay strong 🍀
    We are with you in spirit 👭👭💗

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh girl, I have been where you are. Positive self talk all the way. You have totally got this. Reward yourself with something after it’s over so you have something to look forward to at the end. Get some good music and you will be golden!! Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. 20 miles is a hard distance. A friend told me that you find out who you are as a person between 20 and 22 miles. Be that person you want to be. Forget about the past because you can’t change it. You can, however, change your future. You are going to have an amazing run tomorrow. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Been there, done that. The life of a runner! I totally LOVE races, but the training does a number on me (repeatedly). This training cycle has really been tough…spring is certainly not my ideal time to rain for 26.2 miles, especially when I’m rehabbing my angry hams/glutes/piriformis, etc. I meant to do 18 miles this past weekend, but stopped at 15 because I was feeling a little tired and too achy…not worth risking further injury (or a relapse). SO…..I will get to 18 miles (at the absolute most), again not ideal, but that’s what I have been given. I am not running this marathon to impress anyone, but I am running for ME. I know I can make it to the finish line, and that is victory enough. Who knows? Maybe I’ll surprise myself…. 🙂 SO, chin-up! You totally got this…the 20-miler and the 26.2 on race day ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  12. 20 miles sounds beastly but you can do it. Not only can you, you will do it well. Even if the run is rougher than hoped for, 20 miles on any day let alone solo is still something to be hugely proud of and you are a rockstar! Good luck!


  13. Good luck – you got this! Part of the distance running process IS getting in your own head. The doubting, self loathing…it’s totally normal at some point. When you are running that far alone, it’s normal to have a few negative thoughts and doubt yourself. But then you go out and do something awesome – like run 20 miles solo – and it reminds you what you are capable of. So go out there and get it today – and enjoy yourself!!


  14. Everyone feels that way before the dreaded 20! Honestly once you get it under way it’s really not so bad. I always just remind myself, I can do 18, and this is only 2 more miles than 18! If I can already run that far, what’s another 2?

    Bring music and podcasts to help pass the time. Stick to familiar and more scenic routes, even if it means doing a certain loop over and over (while this is horribly tedious, it always makes me feel better knowing that I am close to home the entire time!). Keep reminding yourself how awesome it will feel when you’re done. Visualize yourself running the Grandma’s marathon course instead.

    We all go through these doubts. Prove em wrong! You can do this!!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Well, you’ve probably already finished your big 20-miler, but I’ll still say I know you’ll do great! And just think of this on your run (or after your run): after this, it’s taper time!!! The next few long runs won’t be so so long anymore 🙂 You’ve got this!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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