marathon training

Running please forgive me, for I have sinned…

See, I let self-doubt ALMOST win this week.  And I feel I must confess…

It’s time for some Runfessions, as well as the good, bad, and scary from today’s 20 miler…

I’m linking up with Marcia from Marcia’s Healthy Slice (please head over to her blog if you don’t follow already, she rocks!) to confess my deep and dark confessions from recent times, and today’s long run. So sit back with your beverage of choice and enjoy…

Runfessions-300x294

Today’s run was not like any normal long run.  Nope…see, it was my last longer run before I run the Grandma’s Marathon in 3 weeks time.  And it wasn’t just any long run…it was the infamous 20 miler!  Those that have run a marathon before know this distance is key to overcome, not just for the physical aspect, but for the mental strength it gives you when hitting this milestone.  Yet although I have done this distance several times, and completed 2 full marathons I was letting self doubt steal my joy.  Runfession #1.

I set my alarm for 5:30 am this morning, my only day off this week, and set my gear out for the run. First mistake…I should’ve set it for 4:30, but I digress.  Deep down, I was doubting my ability.  Runfession #2.

The first few miles hurt.  My right LEG has been killing me, with random aches and pains that really started to freak me out.  It hurt in places it never had before, and I wondered the entire first 5K if this was a good idea.  Here I go…self doubting…So I stopped at my favorite place in Geneva to fill up my water bottle and hit the bathroom since it was a real bathroom not a porta-john.  I popped 2 Motrin in hopes my LEG would knock it off, and kept running.  I didn’t find my groove until around mile 6.5-7 when I came upon a couple bikers who were taking a rest that wished me well.  I smiled, continued on, and crossed the bridge in North Aurora to get my last mile in before I hit the turn around mark.

And that’s when the hornet started chasing me…and I screamed like a girl…oh wait, I am a girl…Here I go, being silly and finally I smiled when I hit the turn around point.  But just as the hornet left me alone, the NEED to use the restroom entered my body, and I started to panic.  There was no bathroom for miles, and it was just me and the trails.  Please don’t let me pants my poop…please don’t let me poop my pants…please…Runfession #3.

Watch this for Marathon thoughts!!!

FINALLY the running God’s heard my cries, and there was the porta-john sitting out in a park at around mile 12.5  Emergency averted…thank goodness…after texting back my friends who were cheering me on, I continued…

A spot near and dear to my heart where my friend Andrea nearly had an asthma attack because we were laughing so hard...
A spot near and dear to my heart where my friend Andrea nearly had an asthma attack because we were laughing so hard…
If I wasn't going to go fast, I might as well take lots of breaks with pretty pics, right?
If I wasn’t going to go fast, I might as well take lots of breaks with pretty pics, right?
6 miles in, and smiling, sorta...
6 miles in, and smiling, sorta…
This bench always makes me smile.  #memories
This bench always makes me smile. #memories
I may or may not have been chased by these dudes...REALLY, I am NOT going to attack your chicks.  I promise!
I may or may not have been chased by these dudes…REALLY, I am NOT going to attack your chicks. I promise!
The Geese...with just 2.5 miles to go, right before the sky opened up.
The Geese…with just 2.5 miles to go, right before the sky opened up.

So while this run was TOUGH, both mentally and physically, I caught myself laughing the last 2 miles as rain poured down on me, and I ran as fast as I could.  I ran with my heart, even when my legs wanted to quit.  I laughed, I nearly cried, and I cussed at myself several times.  I sang, I spread my arms open like wings and “wheeeeeee’d” down a few hills.  I danced on the flats, pushed up the hills, and held my arms up when a gust of wind blew over me.  I smiled and greeted every single biker, pedestrian, runner and motorist I saw.  And when I wanted to quit, I physically smacked my right leg, and said, “KNOCK IT OFF, MICHELLE!!!”

I thought of each and every one of you who takes the time to support my average running abilities because you see the passion I have, even when I forget I have it myself.  I thought of my amazing family and friends both near and far who’ve shared in my heartache as well as cheered on my success.

And I thought of those who can’t run…and I ran for them for a mile or two.

20.13 miles done.  Another badass run in the elements Mother nature loves to provide.

Done!
Done!
The hay is in the barn!!
The hay is in the barn!!

My last Runfession, is that while I am my own worst enemy I too truly believe I can do this.  Running, life, you name it.  I won’t quit.  And I have running in part, to thank for that.  Thanks, Running…I think you are pretty cool. Oh….and I didn’t even pants my poop….

Have you ever had an “accident” a near miss while out on a long run?  What is the longest distance you’ve run solo? Do you have any Runfessions you want to share?

❤ Michelle

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41 thoughts on “Running please forgive me, for I have sinned…

  1. Oh wow! That was a motivating post! Congrats on beasting 20 miles! You go girl!

    Near misses? No, but the couple times I passed a restroom without stopping, it’s like within half a mile down the road I’m kicking myself because now it’s in my head that I need to. 🙂

  2. You did the 20 and from the sounds of things, you might have, just maybe, possibly, quit probably had a smile on your face when you finished. A tough run, but you did it and are ready to go into taper mode and battle the madness heheheh :-). You are ready to go for it.

  3. Way to get it done even with some crazy circumstances!!!
    20 miles solo is super impressive. I usually run with a group or at least convince someone to join me for some of the miles. You are tough!!!

  4. Way to go Michelle! I’ve only run 15.5 but that will soon change. My runs are all solo. You are ready for this marathon and I’ll be cheering for you!

  5. Well done Michelle! I knew you could and would do it! Way to show the ornery leg who’s boss. To this point, I’ve done all of my long runs solo, so I guess my 22 milers are my longest. Can’t wait to see you rock Grandma’s! Thanks for linking up!

  6. You are bad ass! Congrats on finishing those 20 miles 🙂 it also sounds like you managed to have fun while you were in out there. I have felt like I had a couple near misses at times but thankfully no actual misses.

  7. I am finally scraping together a few minutes to finally read this before I hit the hay (pun intended…in reference to your “barn” metaphor). Self doubt…yep. Been there, done that. Currently, I’m experiencing Plantar Fasciitis for the first time ever…..and it totally bites. Ironically, though, all my piriformis/glute/hamstrings aches & pains seem to have magically disappeared. Yeah, I’d gladly have them all back in exchange for what my poor foot is dealing with after my 13.1 today. And, I’m being a good girl about my mileage and cross-training, too….so I don’t know if the marathon/ultra gods are trying to send me a message or what. UGH. But, I’m not giving up…..I finished my race today with a decent time considering all the pain I was feeling in the final miles, so I”m hoping with a little TLC, this inconvenience shall pass. Thanks for the constant reminders to ignore the doubt and press on! 🙂 Great job on those 20+ miles!!

    1. Weird question…but what shoes have you been wearing for work/casual wear? About a month ago I thought being “pretty” trumped comfort and dealt with slight PF for about a week. Massage and rolling my friend! Sending healthy vibes and great job on your half today!!

  8. Oh yes. I’ve had to duck in quite a few restaurants while running. Once I had to have husband pick me up while out on a run. So embarrassing.
    Way to go on your successful run!!

  9. Oh yeah I’ve had those close calls when I’ve been out running. I had my first 37k run on Saturday and had two calls of nature during the run. Luckily I was close enough to toilets to make it but there have been times in the past where a bushy has had to suffice.

  10. Congratulations! I knew you could do it 🙂 Mercifully, I’ve never had an accident out on a run, but I suppose there’s a first time for everything…

  11. Way to go! My runfession is I’ve been doubting myself big time lately. I keep stopping to walk while running because it feels too hard. Well, duh. So I get the self-doubt. Overcoming that is so tough – nice work!

  12. Congrats! On finishing 20 miles and also on not having an accident 🙂 I love that you were just trying to enjoy the last few miles of your run and not get too upset with the leg pain and the rain. You are going to rock this marathon!

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