See, I let self-doubt ALMOST win this week. And I feel I must confess…
It’s time for some Runfessions, as well as the good, bad, and scary from today’s 20 miler…
I’m linking up with Marcia from Marcia’s Healthy Slice (please head over to her blog if you don’t follow already, she rocks!) to confess my deep and dark confessions from recent times, and today’s long run. So sit back with your beverage of choice and enjoy…
Today’s run was not like any normal long run. Nope…see, it was my last longer run before I run the Grandma’s Marathon in 3 weeks time. And it wasn’t just any long run…it was the infamous 20 miler! Those that have run a marathon before know this distance is key to overcome, not just for the physical aspect, but for the mental strength it gives you when hitting this milestone. Yet although I have done this distance several times, and completed 2 full marathons I was letting self doubt steal my joy. Runfession #1.
I set my alarm for 5:30 am this morning, my only day off this week, and set my gear out for the run. First mistake…I should’ve set it for 4:30, but I digress. Deep down, I was doubting my ability. Runfession #2.
The first few miles hurt. My right LEG has been killing me, with random aches and pains that really started to freak me out. It hurt in places it never had before, and I wondered the entire first 5K if this was a good idea. Here I go…self doubting…So I stopped at my favorite place in Geneva to fill up my water bottle and hit the bathroom since it was a real bathroom
not a porta-john. I popped 2 Motrin in hopes my LEG would knock it off, and kept running. I didn’t find my groove until around mile 6.5-7 when I came upon a couple bikers who were taking a rest that wished me well. I smiled, continued on, and crossed the bridge in North Aurora to get my last mile in before I hit the turn around mark.
And that’s when the hornet started chasing me…and I screamed like a girl…oh wait, I am a girl…Here I go, being silly and finally I smiled when I hit the turn around point. But just as the hornet left me alone, the NEED to use the restroom entered my body, and I started to panic. There was no bathroom for miles, and it was just me and the trails. Please don’t let me pants my poop…please don’t let me poop my pants…please…Runfession #3.
FINALLY the running God’s heard my cries, and there was the porta-john sitting out in a park at around mile 12.5 Emergency averted…thank goodness…after texting back my friends who were cheering me on, I continued…
So while this run was TOUGH, both mentally and physically, I caught myself laughing the last 2 miles as rain poured down on me, and I ran as fast as I could. I ran with my heart, even when my legs wanted to quit. I laughed, I nearly cried, and I cussed at myself several times. I sang, I spread my arms open like wings and “wheeeeeee’d” down a few hills. I danced on the flats, pushed up the hills, and held my arms up when a gust of wind blew over me. I smiled and greeted every single biker, pedestrian, runner and motorist I saw. And when I wanted to quit, I physically smacked my right leg, and said, “KNOCK IT OFF, MICHELLE!!!”
I thought of each and every one of you who takes the time to support my average running abilities because you see the passion I have, even when I forget I have it myself. I thought of my amazing family and friends both near and far who’ve shared in my heartache as well as cheered on my success.
And I thought of those who can’t run…and I ran for them for a mile or two.
20.13 miles done. Another badass run in the elements Mother nature loves to provide.
My last Runfession, is that while I am my own worst enemy I too truly believe I can do this. Running, life, you name it. I won’t quit. And I have running in part, to thank for that. Thanks, Running…I think you are pretty cool. Oh….and I didn’t even pants my poop….
Have you ever had an “accident”
a near miss while out on a long run? What is the longest distance you’ve run solo? Do you have any Runfessions you want to share?