moving forward

Hard to love

I’ve always thought I’m a hard person to love, and maybe that’s why I cherish those that haven’t given up on me.

In every day life, I tend to close myself off, without even knowing it. I long for closeness yet remain guarded. My daughter told me once that her friend had said I was intimidating and it totally threw me back. Me? I just don’t see myself that way. Maybe it’s just what I allow others to see vs. not see…not sure.

I’ve had a few great loves in my life. Some will remain in my heart, but two most prevalent in the last decade or so are my beloved dog Sammy, who’s now playing in heaven, and my youngest daughter, Sophia.

Sophia has been my partner in crime for the better part of the last ten years. My husband travels for work a lot, deploys, leaves for training etc. and my oldest daughter was a teenager at the time (now in her 20’s and still in IL) so was often with her friends.

Sophia and Sammy as babes

Sophia has always had such a light around her, but then middle school happened and years of bullying has bruised her shine and it breaks my heart. It’s gotten better, but she returns to high school tomorrow for 10th grade and she’s anxious. So she says to me, “do we have to take the first day of school picture again,” to which I said yes, reminding her we only had to do it three more times.

And then I cried. Like nearly ugly cried, because I just can’t imagine the time when she’s not my partner in crime.

Because she’s loved me unconditionally even when I’ve not always loved myself. And for that I’ll be forever grateful.

Hang on tight my friends. And do my a favor, please. Say a little prayer that Sophia has a good day at school, and a good year.



4 thoughts on “Hard to love”

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