real life adventures · Uncategorized

Missing myself

Ever had that moment where you looked in the mirror and you didn’t recognize yourself? Ok, maybe not literally for me personally as I haven’t changed a whole lot over the last couple decades (as long as you don’t count the wrinkles) as far as personal appearance. I am a few lbs. heavier, my hair is quite a bit thinner, but the rest of me is quite similar to the “me of my 20’s” in regards to physical appearance for the most part.

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Yet the way I act on a daily basis is quite different. The once fun, free spirited, strong willed, independent woman that was ballsy enough to leave home at the age of 18 to join the Air Force, isn’t who she once was anymore. After watching some home videos from when my husband I first met in the early 2000’s I was a little saddened. Sure, I get it…we all grow up, have careers, become parents (for some) and have to do a lot more adulting than we’d like on a day to day basis. But does that mean we have to stop being fun? Lose our spirits? Lose ourselves? Gosh, I had always hoped not…

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Who’s with me?

 

I guess it just sort of happens, though. And that’s normal, right? I’ve put my dreams on hold because my family is more important right now, but in doing so I think I lost a bit of me if that makes sense. I’ve become naggy, and grumpy, and up-tight and even a little angry at times, and I don’t like it at all. While I’ve always been some what of an “old soul” I was also always FUN and free spirited all while balancing my constant need to plan and control all the things in life. I need to find that fun me again. Cuz I’m sure not getting any younger and I’d hate to waste my life being a grump.

I started running again last week. I’ve managed to run 2 times both last week and this week and that has already helped lift my spirits a little. Granted, they were only 2 miles, but miles are miles, right?!? I think the dark, cold, dreary weather has gotten to me as well, which isn’t helping in regards to lightening up this post, LOL. I mean, come on Mother Nature….we’re OVER the cold and rain! Enough already.

My gut has told me 2017 is going to be my year for change, and I am sticking with that mantra. I’m still waiting to hear back about changes at work, but regardless I know things will work out as they should. Even if the changes are small, they’ll be steps forward in to finding myself again.

Ever catch yourself in shock of how quickly life can pass you by? Am I having a mid-life crisis or is it too early for that? That was a fitting question seeing I typed this up last night, yet forgot to submit. Anyone else for memory loss?

Cheers!

Michelle

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26 thoughts on “Missing myself

  1. I don’t think you’ve become less fun or your life is less fun; I think that the definition of “fun” has changed along with your life. The key is finding out what fun means now instead of trying to recapture what it was.

    When was the last time you took a vacation? What you describe in this post is something I often go through when I get “life burnout”, and usually getting away for a couple days for change of scenery works wonders.

  2. You don’t appear grumpy to me, but I was missing your running and food posts and those have come back. When my daughter went away to college I changed. And when she graduated from college and was married I felt a burden lift off my shoulders and needed to start seeking who “I was”. I got lost in being a mom and making sure I provided for her needs. I think all moms go through this. It is a fun journey in finding oneself again. I think we are always recreating who we are depending on the stage in life we have and responsibilities. It is just seasons in life. You went through a lot of pressure last year, so now that is coming off and you get to see who you are and where you want to be. Does that make sense? We can always change or tweak the things about ourselves we become cognizant of we don’t like. I’m glad you take time to reflect on who you are and what is going on in life, it makes for a well balanced life. You continue to inspire and encourage with your words weather you mean to or not. Look at this as a new season and enjoy the growth. πŸ™‚

  3. Haha memory loss…I hear ya sista! Sometimes I just wish I had a break from everything to figure out what I need and want. This year I’ve been late to the party…as I don’t know what I need for myself right now but I’ll get there.

  4. I think it’s absolutely perfectly normal to feel this way …especially considering that your husband was deployed recently as well. I remember going through a “who am I?” crisis when my youngest started kindergarten….then it reared it’s confusing head again when the youngest started junior high because I didn’t feel they needed me as much. You’ll get through this only to find a new and improved version of you. And yes, I believe some warmer temps will certainly speed up the process πŸ™‚

  5. Sorry you’ve been feeling this way 😦 I feel like it’s always extra hard towards the end of Winter when we’ve been putting up with it for so long. I hope Spring and sunshine will help out. I also echo what someone else said earlier about it sounding like you need a vacation! That might help, even if it’s just a weekend away with a friend πŸ™‚

  6. Dreary days dampen my spirits too….and I’ve been feeling blue…but spring is here and summer is around the corner – I think the key might be exercise (like your running)…I just can’t seem to get the energy to start…and a vacation would be nice too…Hoping you have a bright and cheery spring my friend! πŸ™‚

    1. Our spring has been nothing but dreary cold and rain so I think that is part of the problem. I’ve run a few times, but indoors on the treadmill don’t do it for me. I need some sun! hehehehehe! Have a wonderful week, Linda!!

  7. Memory loss. Don’t even get me started the last few days, but I know some of that is because I’ve been super tired.

    I think many, many women go through this. In fact, it’s why a lot of mothers do gain weight — they lose themselves in their children, and while of course your kids are important, so are you. Even furkid moms can do it . . . .

    I have never been a “fun” person. Never one of the in crowd, not in the cliques . . . if we met in RL you’d probably be shocked at how quiet I am. Or maybe not, sometimes it’s different with blogger friends (and sometimes not).

    I do hope 2017 is your year! We’re only a quarter into it — you’ve still got plenty of time!

  8. I think it’s pretty normal for us Chicago are peeps to be feeling this way if only for the lack of vitamin D we’ve suffered through this weird winter/spring. It’s crazy to look up from our lives and realize how quickly a year…5 years….10 years can slip away. I too have been guilty as charged with not taking the best care of myself. It’s an easy oversight. Hope running helps you rekindle the more free-spirited you.

  9. You’ve definitely had a ton of adulting to do lately. Between that and winter, anybody would feel a little worn down. A season of fun will come back around. It may not look the same as it did years ago, but that’s okay – it’ll still be fun.

  10. It’s strange how things change. It doesn’t mean you are less fun. I agree that our ideas of fun just change a bit. I certainly have felt a loss of myself at times. When our daughter was first born and my husband went back to work, I was alone a lot. I didn’t get time to do anything for myself and I truly felt like I was losing myself. For me, I know that I need that hour each day to get a run in. I need that sweat and the time to clear my head. We all need that time in some fashion.

      1. I feel selfish saying it. But the truth is, even just a little time for you (however you need it) is so important. We are wives and moms, but we are still ourselves too. When we take time for ourself, I think we are better for everyone (including us).

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